DICKCEMBER: THICC & MEATY LASAGNA

Greetings & Salutations!
Rather than another holiday baking blog, Pork Chop & I are serving up a thicc, meat-filled, cheesy lasagna you can serve for the holidays or any time of the year really. I like my dishes rich and savoury. I want to give people orgasms with my dishes. 

226g ground pork
226 ground beef
5 hot sausages (or sweet if you prefer) 
1 800g tin tomato paste (puree: America)
1 tin Italian seasoned tomatoes 
1 1/2 tsp garlic salt 
2 tsp basil
2 tsp oregano
1 1/2 pkgs lasagna noodles
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp sea salt 
425g or two 250g pkgs ricotta cheese
1 large eggywegg 
1 tsp salt 
1/4 tsp fresh ground black pepper
75g grated parmesan cheese 
226g shredded low-fat mozzarella cheese


Combine your ground pork with your ground beef. Season with a bit of garlic salt. Place your meat in a heated frying pan. Not, YOUR meat, but your meat. Cook on a medium heat until meat is fully cooked a nice rich brown colour. (You may have to drain any water that may be injected into your meat to get it to brown.) Remove from heat and set into a bowl. Cook the sausages in the same pan that you cooked your ground pork & beef in. It will add a bit of extra flavour. (Also saves on dishes)



As your sausages are browning up, pour your tomato puree, tinned tomatoes, garlic salt, basil and oregano into a large saucepan. Blend together by stirring using a cooking spoon. Once your sausages are fully cooked, slice them into wheels or crumble them. Baker's choice. You could also use ground sausage, it might be easier for you to work with. There are some people who prefer a meat sauce with their lasagna. To make that, all you simply do is add the cooked meat into the prepared sauce and add a pinch of garlic and Italian seasoning. Allow to simmer on low for 15-20 minutes, allowing the meat to flavour the sauce. You can leave it on to simmer while you cook your noodles if you desire.


Add the olive oil and salt into a large pot filled with water. You want your water to each a rolling bowl before you drop them in. I like to cook them 4-5 at a time. Your noodles should cook 12-14 minutes or until they have reached the tenderness that you desire...That wounded more sexual thaa I thought it would. Who would have thought that cooking pasta is like the art of seduction? And while 14 minutes is a decent amount of time, it's really that much time for a quicky, so we're going to make up the cheese filling for the dish while we wait.



I like to spray my dish with baking spray before putting in the cooked noodles. It's easier to serve later and less of a pain in the ass when you're washing the dish later on. Never trust anyone who says they don't grease a pan before putting something in it; it's likely that they don't like to use lube in the bedroom and nobody's got time for that. Use a 13x9 pan for this. Preheat your oven to 190C (375F). Remove your cooked noodles with tongs-TONGS, not THONGS you perverts and lay them in the bottom of the baking dish. Spread a medium amount of the cheese spread, coating the first layer of noodles. Add a thin layer of sauce. Layer another noodle then, another bit of cheese spread.

Noodle it up again, add your cheese and sauce, but this time create a thicc meaty layer. Oh yeah, you imagine sinking your teeth into this baby...I think I need a moment here, guys. Sprinkle some mozzarella cheese on top of the meat. Add your last noodle layer now. It doesn't seem like that many layers, but I like 4. It's the perfect amount, really.



On the fourth layer add your sauce and meat. Top with mozzarella, parmesan cheese and dried basil.
Bake 25 minutes covered and then for another 25 minutes uncovered. Allow the lasagna to stand for about 15 minutes before serving.
Jesus wept this is thicc and delicious...I might even say it's even thiccer and more delicious than Chubbs. No, that's just plain sacrilege. Nothing can ever compare to him in any way, delicious or otherwise.

Serve with a nice fresh salad and garlic parmesan buns. It's great to consume while you listen to family arguments and the wine you'll be filling yourselves with to dull the mundane dribble will compliment it very nicely.

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