DICKCEMBER: Danny's Pistachio Mouthwatering Muffins
Another Dickcember in a row? I know, I know. Not one of you have done anything to warrant this, but I'm feeling almost Father Christmas like, so here's a delectable muffin recipe that's guaranteed to brighten up Christmas morning. Well, maybe not guaranteed, but it will surely ease the anger of a pissed off spouse who's not gotten what he/she wanted. These are pretty simple to make so you can get back to wrapping up those naughty gifts or your significant other in no time.
YOU WILL NEED:
1 box of pistachio custard/pudding
215g all-purpose flour
150g caster sugar
100g brown sugar
100g brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
dash of sea salt
2 eggyweggs
250ml cold milk
118ml vegetable oil
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
250ml cold milk
118ml vegetable oil
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
1/2 tsp almond extract
1/= of a standard drinking glass of pistachios (shelled)
3 drops green food colouring
Preheat your oven to 190C (375F) and prepare your muffin tray. Use the little cupcake condoms they're so much nicer on the eye...unlike regular condoms. Well, nobody ever said that safety was sexy. Make sure that your brown sugar is packed...like Chubbs into his black skinny zip jeans. In a large mixing bowl combine the flour, sugar, pistachio custard mix, baking soda, bicarbonate of soda & brown sugar. Make sure you mix thoroughly.
Preheat your oven to 190C (375F) and prepare your muffin tray. Use the little cupcake condoms they're so much nicer on the eye...unlike regular condoms. Well, nobody ever said that safety was sexy. Make sure that your brown sugar is packed...like Chubbs into his black skinny zip jeans. In a large mixing bowl combine the flour, sugar, pistachio custard mix, baking soda, bicarbonate of soda & brown sugar. Make sure you mix thoroughly.
Add the milk, eggs, vegetable oil and your extracts to your dry ingredients. Blend together using a mixing spoon. Don't use an electric mixer for this. Some of the custard mixes contain small pieces of pistachio in there and you want those intact. Once you've completely mixed your batter if you so desire add your food colouring now. Mix well. Make sure that your pistachios are shelled and chopped into pieces before you add them to the muffin batter. Mix well.
Once you are satisfied that your batter is thoroughly mixed, using a large tablespoon or a small ladle, fill the cupcake condoms a little over half full with batter. Doing this will ensure that the batter will puff up nicely as it bakes. And hopefully, once they're done baking their tops will puff up over their paper prison pants like Chubb's pudge does after a large takeaway. (I'm looking forward to doing this with you soon my sweet ickle pie.) When muffins are half-way through baking, sprinkle the tops with sugar and or any leftover chopped nuts you may have. (I forgot to add the chopped nuts as I was distracted making pizza dough. My apologies.)
Allow muffins to bake for 20-25 minutes or until the tops are golden brown. Mine are lighter in colour because I decided not to add the food colouring to them. If you add food colouring to them, your muffins will be a more vibrant, Irish spring green in colour.
Serve warm or cool.
Sometimes these are great with vanilla ice-cream or with some hot cocoa. Great for winter mornings.
I buy so much shit for this blog from Amazon I should get a fucking sponsorship or something. Honestly. Now if you'll all excuse me I have some catching up to do on The Blacklist with someone special.
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