Danny Goes To Work
It took months, but I finally got a new job. I moved (I will do a separate blog on that when I get settled into my new house.) Things have been a bit of chaos these last few months. I didn't think the interview went well; I thought it was a complete waste of time. It was a posh, upscale place and I'm tattooed, pierced and wear clothes with rips, slits and safety pins in them. I was surprised when I got an email congratulating me, they were extending employment to me and attached were the pre-hire forms. You know the standard stuff, consent for a background check, drug test if they so require one, stuff like that.
I was so anxious thinking about my first day. I had to borrow clothes from someone because I have nothing that's really classy or as they say business casual. I'm a guy who lives in t-shirts and black jeans, most of them with graphic demonic images, or ripped so that tonnes of my tattoos peek through-not something you'd wear to a formal like setting. Thankfully, the people are okay with my arms, neck and hands being tattooed and showing. They understand it gets hot and you're moving around a lot. It looks weird to see me in collared shirts and dressy style shirts with slimline work trousers. It feels wrong. Thankfully, as soon as I clock out I can change into my street clothes and disappear into the city.
ORIENTATE ME
The first day is an orientation. You fill out your paperwork, get set up, and watch a training video on the company's image, goals and go over expected behaviours, dress and discuss customer service. I was nervous walking in there. I was going to be stuck in a group of new people, I'd have to talk. I didn't really know what the orientation included before I got there. The information in the email was limited to the location, the time and what to bring with you as well as a rough estimate of how long we'd be there.
I was the first one there. We were just told to meet in the breakroom and that someone would come to get us. I got there about 20 minutes early and sat sweating like a whore in church the entire time. I'm not good with groups and I'm so awkward meeting new people. Slowly other works slumped into the room to either clock in or take their break. I was sandwiched into the vending machines and the cloakroom. I was just wanting to go home and not have to deal with this level of social interaction-I know it's funny seeing as I travel and do all that, but travel is so much easier, I don't know why. Sometimes it's easy for me to pick up a conversation with a stranger. After about 30 minutes a tall, thin blond woman appeared through another door, counted us and told us to follow her. One by one we lined up and passed through the door where we were sat at ancient computers to fill out our employment papers. It took me 3 tries to log onto the system and then it crashed before I had to tinker with it. I managed to fill out everything in about an hour and a half. Next, we were given a thin booklet of rules, regulations and important information. I don't think one person actually read it. Tonnes of people scanned it and set it to the side. The room was silent, you could have heard a pin drop and I felt my anxiety burning in my chest. I looked at the time and saw that we'd been here 2 hours already.
I desperately wanted to know how much longer I'd be trapped here and when I could go. I was so uncomfortable in that small room, people so close to me. After everyone finally managed to complete their paperwork, (there weren't enough computers for the 6 of us) we turned our attention to A VCR-A FUCKING VCR and began to watch a training video. The video took about a half hour to play through and go through various customer greeting situations, policies and ways you can be productive in your workplace. The same woman who came to get us walked back in at the end of the video and went over some of the finer points in the little booklets. After what felt like an eternity, she told us that we just needed to get our locker assignments and then we would be able to go.
Naturally, I got the locker that didn't work and was filled with shit. I had to clean it all out and fork over all the property to the woman in charge, who was so stressed out she had a vein popping out when she handed me another locker to try. Finally, we got it sorted and I was the last one out.
I ducked into the toilets, changed my clothes and was out the door. Like fuck, I was gonna say in those posh threads that don't represent me. Sure they were black, but I have my limits.
SIMULATOR NATION
I showed up a little early. I didn't want to risk clocking in late and pissing off the overhead manager. I wasn't really told what to do or where to go when I got there other than to clock in. The other new guy clocked in and wasn't sure what to do either. We sat in a sort of awkward silence for a few minutes when a woman poked her head through the back door and asked us if we were here for the computer simulation training module. We nodded and headed back into the HR room of the place where we were once again put on to the ancient computers. We went through basic simulators for the till, stocking, the inventory system, behaviour and other aspects of the company. It took roughly two hours to go through the slow modules. It felt like I was in some type of elementary school hell, except when I first started elementary school we didn't really have computers in the classrooms. Later on, we had a few in a computer lab. When I finished school, we still didn't have them in every classroom, we still had the lab and copied notes on the overhead projector. Oh, how times change.
Soon as we finished the modules, we were told we could leave. I changed my clothes and bolted out into the early afternoon sun. Let freedom ring.
STOCK ME, MOTHER
My third day, I was going to start my training working in the back with the inventory, the logistics and fulfilling orders to give to customers who purchased online. There was a happy faced blonde girl who was to start off my training. She took a shine to me right away, sharing things about herself, making me feel like a part of the group. Usually, this doesn't happen to me. It was strange but nice. She started to show me how the equipment worked; how the scanning and the orders go. I felt there were so many bullshit steps that really aren't needed, but I didn't say anything. All this scanning and binning to take it out to package it? Why wouldn't you just find everything all at once, scan the items out of inventory, package the item and be done with it? Why is there so much running around like a wild goose chase? I mean, I love treasure hunts, but it seems like a lot of pointless legwork that wastes time. Ultimately, it's not my problem, so I'm just going to do as I've told.
She walks through the difference between in-store and ship from store, which was covered in the simulation video the day before. After going through and helping her find a few items, carry stock items and drop off orders where they needed to be, I was sent to train and do inventory, which is apart of the job. Up on the upper level, I met a small, friendly little girl with a wide smile. She taught me how to scan the tags, then count all the product on the shelf, scanning the codes into inventory. It was nice up there. Quite. I didn't really have to say much. While we got to working, we talked in the evening, talking about football, life experiences and other things. It was nice. She made me feel very comfortable, it was as if I'd known her forever. Time passed quickly toward the end of the day, me loving doing the inventory and got to partake in my love of counting and organising. I wasn't looking forward to the next day where me, the socially awkward twit, was to be trained on the till just in case they were in need of other cashiers. FUCK.
CA$H OUT
I didn't sleep well. I was tired from the day before, but this-the fatigue hit me as my eyes cracked open at 4.50 am. I didn't have to be there until 1, but it's a two-hour commute on the bus, with travel time and bus switching, then the slight walk over to the building. It's only about 700-800 metres. Not bad at all. The panic of having to interact and talk to people was drowning me. I didn't know what to do. I tend to throw up on people when I get nervous and that would be the worst possible thing to happen. I let my co-workers know so that if I did vomit, someone could step in.
I was paired with an older woman, with a big smile and a gentle way of speaking. I was worried I'd get partnered with someone my age. I work better with older people. Young people are too fuckin stupid for my liking. She went over the various things on the touch screen, walking through the coupon codes, the cash programme, the credit programme and everything. I was nervous doing the first few items, but I got into the hang of things, scoring bonus points and a little extra in my pay cheque for sales and credit applications. I didn't even really try. I just did what I thought was right and assisted in the ways I could. The little huddle of girls ogling at me didn't help me with my self-consciousness. I made one slight mistake, but caught it and removed the security tag. And in ringing out things, I figured out a flaw in their security system to prevent shoplifting. It was pretty obvious to me, but apparently not to them. Should I point this out or wait until I'm there a bit longer so I don't look like the bossy new guy.
I made it through the entire 5-hour shift without vomiting on anyone. Most of the customers were nice to me, even if a few of them were a bit touchy with my tattoos. All in all, it wasn't that bad. I imagined it was going to be far worse. I did have to talk a bit, but it wasn't hard work at all. I sort of enjoyed it, I guess. People really seemed to like me and wanted to engage with me, which I found spooky.
ORIENTATE ME
The first day is an orientation. You fill out your paperwork, get set up, and watch a training video on the company's image, goals and go over expected behaviours, dress and discuss customer service. I was nervous walking in there. I was going to be stuck in a group of new people, I'd have to talk. I didn't really know what the orientation included before I got there. The information in the email was limited to the location, the time and what to bring with you as well as a rough estimate of how long we'd be there.
I was the first one there. We were just told to meet in the breakroom and that someone would come to get us. I got there about 20 minutes early and sat sweating like a whore in church the entire time. I'm not good with groups and I'm so awkward meeting new people. Slowly other works slumped into the room to either clock in or take their break. I was sandwiched into the vending machines and the cloakroom. I was just wanting to go home and not have to deal with this level of social interaction-I know it's funny seeing as I travel and do all that, but travel is so much easier, I don't know why. Sometimes it's easy for me to pick up a conversation with a stranger. After about 30 minutes a tall, thin blond woman appeared through another door, counted us and told us to follow her. One by one we lined up and passed through the door where we were sat at ancient computers to fill out our employment papers. It took me 3 tries to log onto the system and then it crashed before I had to tinker with it. I managed to fill out everything in about an hour and a half. Next, we were given a thin booklet of rules, regulations and important information. I don't think one person actually read it. Tonnes of people scanned it and set it to the side. The room was silent, you could have heard a pin drop and I felt my anxiety burning in my chest. I looked at the time and saw that we'd been here 2 hours already.
I desperately wanted to know how much longer I'd be trapped here and when I could go. I was so uncomfortable in that small room, people so close to me. After everyone finally managed to complete their paperwork, (there weren't enough computers for the 6 of us) we turned our attention to A VCR-A FUCKING VCR and began to watch a training video. The video took about a half hour to play through and go through various customer greeting situations, policies and ways you can be productive in your workplace. The same woman who came to get us walked back in at the end of the video and went over some of the finer points in the little booklets. After what felt like an eternity, she told us that we just needed to get our locker assignments and then we would be able to go.
Naturally, I got the locker that didn't work and was filled with shit. I had to clean it all out and fork over all the property to the woman in charge, who was so stressed out she had a vein popping out when she handed me another locker to try. Finally, we got it sorted and I was the last one out.
I ducked into the toilets, changed my clothes and was out the door. Like fuck, I was gonna say in those posh threads that don't represent me. Sure they were black, but I have my limits.
SIMULATOR NATION
I showed up a little early. I didn't want to risk clocking in late and pissing off the overhead manager. I wasn't really told what to do or where to go when I got there other than to clock in. The other new guy clocked in and wasn't sure what to do either. We sat in a sort of awkward silence for a few minutes when a woman poked her head through the back door and asked us if we were here for the computer simulation training module. We nodded and headed back into the HR room of the place where we were once again put on to the ancient computers. We went through basic simulators for the till, stocking, the inventory system, behaviour and other aspects of the company. It took roughly two hours to go through the slow modules. It felt like I was in some type of elementary school hell, except when I first started elementary school we didn't really have computers in the classrooms. Later on, we had a few in a computer lab. When I finished school, we still didn't have them in every classroom, we still had the lab and copied notes on the overhead projector. Oh, how times change.
Soon as we finished the modules, we were told we could leave. I changed my clothes and bolted out into the early afternoon sun. Let freedom ring.
STOCK ME, MOTHER
My third day, I was going to start my training working in the back with the inventory, the logistics and fulfilling orders to give to customers who purchased online. There was a happy faced blonde girl who was to start off my training. She took a shine to me right away, sharing things about herself, making me feel like a part of the group. Usually, this doesn't happen to me. It was strange but nice. She started to show me how the equipment worked; how the scanning and the orders go. I felt there were so many bullshit steps that really aren't needed, but I didn't say anything. All this scanning and binning to take it out to package it? Why wouldn't you just find everything all at once, scan the items out of inventory, package the item and be done with it? Why is there so much running around like a wild goose chase? I mean, I love treasure hunts, but it seems like a lot of pointless legwork that wastes time. Ultimately, it's not my problem, so I'm just going to do as I've told.
She walks through the difference between in-store and ship from store, which was covered in the simulation video the day before. After going through and helping her find a few items, carry stock items and drop off orders where they needed to be, I was sent to train and do inventory, which is apart of the job. Up on the upper level, I met a small, friendly little girl with a wide smile. She taught me how to scan the tags, then count all the product on the shelf, scanning the codes into inventory. It was nice up there. Quite. I didn't really have to say much. While we got to working, we talked in the evening, talking about football, life experiences and other things. It was nice. She made me feel very comfortable, it was as if I'd known her forever. Time passed quickly toward the end of the day, me loving doing the inventory and got to partake in my love of counting and organising. I wasn't looking forward to the next day where me, the socially awkward twit, was to be trained on the till just in case they were in need of other cashiers. FUCK.
CA$H OUT
I didn't sleep well. I was tired from the day before, but this-the fatigue hit me as my eyes cracked open at 4.50 am. I didn't have to be there until 1, but it's a two-hour commute on the bus, with travel time and bus switching, then the slight walk over to the building. It's only about 700-800 metres. Not bad at all. The panic of having to interact and talk to people was drowning me. I didn't know what to do. I tend to throw up on people when I get nervous and that would be the worst possible thing to happen. I let my co-workers know so that if I did vomit, someone could step in.
I was paired with an older woman, with a big smile and a gentle way of speaking. I was worried I'd get partnered with someone my age. I work better with older people. Young people are too fuckin stupid for my liking. She went over the various things on the touch screen, walking through the coupon codes, the cash programme, the credit programme and everything. I was nervous doing the first few items, but I got into the hang of things, scoring bonus points and a little extra in my pay cheque for sales and credit applications. I didn't even really try. I just did what I thought was right and assisted in the ways I could. The little huddle of girls ogling at me didn't help me with my self-consciousness. I made one slight mistake, but caught it and removed the security tag. And in ringing out things, I figured out a flaw in their security system to prevent shoplifting. It was pretty obvious to me, but apparently not to them. Should I point this out or wait until I'm there a bit longer so I don't look like the bossy new guy.
I made it through the entire 5-hour shift without vomiting on anyone. Most of the customers were nice to me, even if a few of them were a bit touchy with my tattoos. All in all, it wasn't that bad. I imagined it was going to be far worse. I did have to talk a bit, but it wasn't hard work at all. I sort of enjoyed it, I guess. People really seemed to like me and wanted to engage with me, which I found spooky.
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