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DICKCEMBER: Peppermint Clit Brownies



It's that time of year again my fellow spank-bakers!
Last year, the Christmas baking edition of Delectables with Dan blew up and the numbers for Easter & Halloween this year have been amazing, so I figured that I needed to come up with something explosive and eye-catching as well as delicious for the Christmas special.It’s once again that time of year that warms your from the tips of your toes to your head; I mean your actual head, the one on your shoulders, not the one that does most of the thinking for you. This year, I decided to be extra festive and kick off what I hope to be a lasting tradition with Delectables with Dan, with the help of my lovely assistant Pork Chop, Dickcember
 Throughout the month of December up to Christmas (and maybe a few days after, not entirely sure yet), I'll be posting delectable adult-themed, seasonally appropriate treats. (Or should I say seasonally inappropriate treats?) We'll also be covering a few seasonal beverages and holiday favourites as well...if there's time. 

Let's get this party started with the first episode in the Dickcember '17 series,
THE PEPPERMINT CLIT BROWNIES 
Fudgey brownies, topped with a peppermint meringue clitoris, iced with a happy & healthy labia pink peppermint icing. Enjoy.

Since the oven temp is lower to make our peppermint clit meringues, we're going to start off without little pink friends first. Shouldn't it always be that way? Start from the top and work your way down, if you know what I mean? ((And for those of you who don't know, the clits on top.) 
There are two different ways to make meringues, so if you know a different way to make them, don't get your panties in a twist, you can use your way. I won't get pissed off. I promise. 

What You Will Need
(this recipe makes 2 dozen medium-large size meringues)
3 egg whites
1/4 tsp cream of tartar 
1 drop peppermint extract (YES A DROP) 
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
1 drop red food colouring or you can use 1 drop pale pink food colouring 
150g granulated sugar 


Let's make some clits.
Place your egg white in a large bowl and allow to stand at room temperature for 30 minutes. Egg whites...that's really just hen cum when you think about it. Why is this so delicious when human really isn't? While your hen come is warming up to room temperature, you're going to line your baking trays with parchment baking paper. If you don't have baking parchment, you can use aluminium foil. Do not grease your paper or foil. This is one time where you don't need to be lubed up. But, you will need your oven, like an ageing wife, to be preheated before you stick in your meringue Preheat your oven (or wife) to 150C (300F).

Once your eggy-weggs are warmed up (its okay if your lady isn't yet, we won't need her until later on) its time for the next step. Add in your vanilla essence, peppermint extract, cream of tartar and food colouring to your hen cum, I mean egg whites. DO NOT ADD THE SUGAR YET. With an electric hand mixer, beat the mixture on medium speed until soft peaks form. 


Once this has started to occur, its time to start adding in your sugar one tablespoon at a time with the mixer still on. Continue until all sugar is added and high, stiff peaks form. (I'm looking at you Chubbs. :) ) Allow to sit for a minute before using an icing spatula or plastic spatula to scoop your creamy pink meringues into an icing bag with a round tip. Most call for a star tip, but we don't want some Chernobyl looking clits, so go with the round one for this. Trust me. Well, unless you want to scare your guests or put them off oral sex, go ahead with that star tip.

I ran out of baking parchment which is why I'm using aluminium foil; I know I should be better prepared as this is sort of my job, but at least I give you working substitutes! Cut a hole in your pastry bag so that meringue can be piped onto a baking sheet. (Do not stick penis in the hole or attempt to stick penis in the hole. I know I shouldn't have to say these things, but common sense diminishes even further around this time of the year.)  Carefully, pipe about 1 inch long (2.54 cm) blobs of meringue onto your baking sheet. Make them all sorts of sizes if you want, but one inch is the standard. Make some thick, make some thin. You have to be careful with making them thin because you don't want them to become too brittle and break when you remove them from the sheet or when you apply icing later on. Don't worry, we'll get to that. You want your clits to be a little big in this case, there's nothing wrong with a larger clit, but you don't one so big that it looks like a little cock. (Thank you for your words of wisdom Randle Graves.) As much as I'm down for the kinky shit, it will have to be on a different blog.



Put your meringues into bake for 20-25 minutes. They will appear golden tinted on the bottom. If you want to leave them in a bit longer to give your clits a slight beige tint, you can, but only add about another minute-minute in a half. During the time that your peppermint clits are baking up, you're going to prepare the brownie batter. You can use a boxed one if you want, but we're going from scratch today.

What You Will Need
100g milk chocolate 
100g butter (it doesn't matter if it's salted or unsalted; if unsalted you may wish to add a pinch of salt.)
2 tbs cocoa powder (Dutch processed is best)
100g granulated sugar 
100g light brown sugar 
1 tsp vanilla essence
2 drops peppermint essence
200g self-rising flour (needs to be self-rising) 

 3 large eggs 


Firstly, in a medium saucepan, you're going to melt the butter and chocolate together over low heat. Slow and steady wins the race with this one. Stir your chocolate with love, let anticipation build up in the layers and when they start to bubble with excitement, it's time to remove it from the heat. You want to hold onto that sweet spot right before climax. Gradually and teasingly, add in your sugar a little bit at a time and your eggs. Whisk or stir until an evenly mixed and satisfied chocolate sensation stares out at you from the pan.

Now it's time to add in your vanilla & peppermint essences, flour and cocoa powder. Mix well; Carefully and slowly, making sure you have to flour bubbles present. Dip your finger in it, work it around then have your partner lick your finger clean or have your partner watch you do it. That way you know it's ready. Some people prefer it mintier and that's the only way I can think of to make sure that it's all to your liking.  

Pour into a greased 30cm x 35cm pan and bake for 15 minutes at 180C (350F) or until edges are browned and centre is evenly baked. Don't stick a finger or any other body part into the brownies to ensure that they're fully baked. Use a testing stick. Don't use a dildo or something, that would just ruin the brownies; unless the dildo is a replication of Simon Cowell's cock, then it might just be fine. You know, thin. Allow your brownies to fully cool before attempting to ice them. Either pop them outside, as its cold enough for it now or pop them into the icebox to chill for 20-30 minutes. Don't put them in the freezer. Jesus Christ.

Now that we have our brownies and meringue clits finished, it's time to make the icing! Then it's onto some naughty assembling.

Let's Make Some Icing
1 tablespoon vanilla essence
1 drop of peppermint extract
205g icing sugar 
1-2 tablespoons milk or double cream
1 drop of red or light pink food colouring

In a large mixing bowl, cream together your vanilla essence, peppermint extract and 100g of your icing sugar. Use an electric mixer to blend everything together before adding in the rest of your icing sugar, double cream and food colouring. (You may feel the need to add a little more icing sugar so it's a bit of a heavier icing.) Mix on medium-high speed until icing becomes a pale-medium pink in colour and thick in texture. Carefully spoon your prepared icing into an icing bag with a small round tip.

Cut your brownies into even squares before decorating them. Take one of your cooled clits and ice the bottom with a small amount of icing before placing it onto a brownie square. Press into the centre of the brownie square. Add a dollop of icing to the top centre portion of the clit before slowly icing medium thickness labia around the sides of your clit. It's not meant to be perfectly anatomically correct and in this case, it just does a fine job.


And there we go. The first ever Dickcember creation on Delectables with Dan: Pepermint Clit Brownies! 15 perfect brownie squares. Decorated and ready to be eaten. (Make sure that you allow the icing to dry before you wrap them in cling film. Don't stack brownies on top of one another in a container. 


Enjoy them with your fellow perverts or even your family members. I know that Barb would have been horrified and amused at this years baking creation. So in honour of my favourite roasting woman, Pork Chop and I dedicate this blog and this creation to her.


For Your Holiday Listening Pleasure
Afroman: "O Chronic Tree"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA9Hm3zcH5k
Afroman: "Deck My Balls"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxOgAMxvsYg
Matt Rogers: "I Love To Choke My Chicken With My Hand"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR7TU0sWgoQ&index=4&list=PLYBRO40GTSX0W-FgmC4c3MQFCc4stTDzH
James Collins: "You Fucked Me Over At Christmas"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tz-9hVgIwQ&list=RDCR7TU0sWgoQ&index=9
Eric Idle: 'Fuck Christmas"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOg7aPNLLG0

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