Top Surgery: One Month On

It's hard to believe that already one month has passed since I've had my top surgery. It doesn't feel like it's been that long at all. I guess that's one of the funny things about time. A month ago today I was a different person. Part of me was about to be removed forever. I couldn't have been more excited or more nervous. Now one month on, I feel more whole, more complete. I don't have to ignore parts of my anatomy anymore. Well, I mean, I do, but less bothersome parts. 

<The first few days following surgery>

Exactly one month ago I was under the knife. I remember getting to the hospital. I stopped being nervous. It all felt so right. Waking up was a relief for me because I wasn't sure I'd wake up. If you guys remember, I was paranoid that I wouldn't. Looking down, I felt more complete, but I wondered how they put me in the binder. Wearing that thing 24/7 was annoying as hell. All I really wanted to do was have a shower, but I couldn't as long as I was still in the binder. It was really the first time that I had worn a binder It felt too much like wearing a bra, so I just ignored the fact that I had tits.
I really didn't have any pain following the surgery itself. It only started to hurt on the side where I had the infection. (It's clearing up nicely right now.) I like that she was able to save my chest tattoos. She didn't know if she'd be able to. Once I'm all fully healed and the scars have faded up, I'm going to cover most of that with a cool plague doctor and death scene. 

<Two weeks following surgery> 

This was taken before the infection flared up. All the scabs all over the nipples make it look worse than it is. It really was just uncomfortable. I never had any nipple sensation before and during this time I had so much that it was almost unbearable. It felt like little electric shocks to lay my chest down on the bed and just lay there as I usually do. 
During this time I was starting to process what it was to have top surgery. (I will link that blog below as well as all the other blogs on my transition so you can read from the beginning if you want to.) Looking in the mirror I felt a joy that I'd wanted to feel for the longest time. It was starting to feel right.
It looks worse in the photo because of the surgical glue still holding me together. It felt weird to know there was a glue holding me together somewhat. It kinda freaked me out when I was baked and thinking about it. 
It was during this time that I started to feel more masculine. I had seen some of my co-workers who commented on how flat I looked and they were surprised. That just made my day. They'd be able to see me as male easier and that would mean that customers might too. I felt more validation. It felt easier for me to take myself seriously too. What I mean is, I felt more comfortable in my body and it feels like I'm not trying to be something I'm not anymore. This has opened so many new doors for me. 

<One month following surgery> 

As you can see the right side is a little swollen and redder. That's the infection site. It's doing a lot better now. I'm feeling better and now most of the redness is starting to fade away. I'm not going to lie it really had me rattled, all that fluid starting to fill my chest. I know this was something that was out of my control, but it really bothered me. I just wanted everything to go smooth and I could go back to work. In my depression over getting the infection and having the seroma complication as well, I started to feel like I had done something wrong. That I didn't deserve the happiness that I received from having the top surgery. My friend Grace worked hard to assure me that everything was going to be okay. She corrected people who still wanted to misgender me. Maybe it was easier for her now that I'm looking more like the man that I am inside. I'm not sure. Maybe I should ask her. Having her take me out on outings and call me he/him just was over the moon for me. 
I went out with Dawn and Goober and when I did it felt like I was really more man. Goober and I both had flat chests. I really truly felt like one of the guys. It was just what I always needed. I'm excited to go back to work and see if anything changes in how people see me or call me. 

Now I'm looking forward to watching how I heal up over the next month and see the changes I'll go through two months on. I might do a two-month update or wait three months. Probably wait three months on. 

BLOGS
Jitterbug: Pre Top-Surgery Anxiety
https://dannysmentalmasturbation.blogspot.com/2020/06/jitterbug-pre-top-surgery-anxiety.html

Becoming Daniel: Top-Surgery Day
https://dannysmentalmasturbation.blogspot.com/2020/06/becoming-daniel-top-surgery-day.html

Becoming Daniel: Processing Top-Surgery
https://dannysmentalmasturbation.blogspot.com/2020/07/becoming-daniel-processing-top-surgery.html

My Seroma 
https://dannysmentalmasturbation.blogspot.com/2020/07/my-seroma.html

Die Infektion
https://dannysmentalmasturbation.blogspot.com/2020/07/die-infektion.html