Less Than Zero

It's been roughly two months since I started on a new cocktail of medications to help manage my bipolar disorder. I feel like a new man. I've not had a good track record with medication therapy before, but I think that Ella and have finally gotten a handle on it. It feels a bit odd. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts almost all my life, experienced the high bursts of energy/laughter and known the crushing loneliness of depression and here I am...normal. I'm still having a bit of trouble with bordem and trying to find things to keep myself preoccupied, but other than that I'm a proper adult. I've never not known what it feels like to live with a mental illness.
Happiness has always been somewhat of a fleeting thing for me. I've experienced it in small bursts, the sorrow weighing in the background, the voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm not worthy of the good way I was feeling. Now I don't have those thoughts. I'm focused on the future. I want to build a home, a better life for myself. It's taken me so long to dig myself out of the hole that I found myself in. I'm on a path to become not only who I've always wanted to be, but a better version of myself. I have good people in my life now, true friends who I've met through work and social media. I've got my little hobbies that keep me occupied for a little bit. I think that I will always be searching for the next high. That's just how I am. I want to get out and see all that I can. I've always been somewhat of a curious human.

I'm growing as a person in ways that I never thought I would. It's taken me a while, but now I feel like I can take on anything; that I'm good enough to do all the things that I want to and more.