Happiness & Homicide: Carnival of Rust
I slid down the brick wall and allow the rain to soak me to the bone. She is my beauty and my saviour. I've never needed another human in this way before. Am I even human? I occupy a human body, but does that really make me human? I take in my reflection in the puddles at my feet. A twisted chewed up mouth, eyes ringed by dark circles and a slightly stubbed jaw stares back at me. Appearances are deceiving. I should know; I am nothing more than a cunning monster housed within the skin and bone of my prey.
I've never felt this before; Is this guilt? Is this what it means to feel human? Why do I ache to touch her? I want to feel her skin against mine, take her warm breath against me, taste her mouth with mine. I slam my fist into the brick wall. I need these thoughts to go away. The throbbing pain in my hand begins to distract me. I don't think I've broken anything but it's time to go home. Nick should be there waiting with some kind of baked thing. Maybe I can take my mind of things with one of those coconut cream tarts that he makes. I used to be pissed off that he'd spend all his time watching those programmes on the food channel, but now I rather enjoy it.
I head north towards the flat, her face still swimming before my eyes. Deep brown doe eyes, round pink cheese, the hint of a double chin and messy chocolate coloured hair. I want to reach out the few freckles that kiss her temples but I snap back to myself. Brain, you need to stop doing this! What is the drive behind this? It's more powerful than the drive to kill. What has she done to me? If I can't kill then I can't be me. I can't let all my angst out and I'll explode into a million pieces. She's ruined me. This isn't fair! But at the same time, I ache for her embrace, salivate at the idea of her touch and long to be buried deep inside her. Wil, you gotta get your head back in the goddamn game! Shit like this is how guys like you get tripped up and caught! You don't want that do you? No, that means prison. No more fun strolls in the garden. No more cigarettes and chocolate-well, you can get those in prison. But worst of all, she'll hate you. She'll see what a monster you are and will want nothing to do with you and that's a fate worse than death.
I lean against the wall and try to clear my head from these thoughts. I need to go home and change, firstly. Being in these wet clothes isn't a way to change my thoughts. I look around and realise that I'm only a few blocks from home; I hadn't realised where I'd been walking. I pray to whatever invisible force that's out there that Nick is not home when I get there. It's 3 in the afternoon, he should be at work or candy stripping. Fucking do-gooder jerkoff. I slip into the building and start to shake off the rain. I look like a drowning rat. I don't feel like waiting for the lift so I walk up the 4 flights of stairs to my floor and run smack into her. Andrea. My heart crashes into my lower intestines and thankfully the cold from the rain helps keep blush from appearing on my cheeks.
"Wil, you look like you've been standing in the rain for hours! Didn't you take an umbrella with you when you left this morning?" Obviously not. I feel the urge to be sarcastic crawling up me, but I suppress it. "I guess not. I'm not one to really listen to the news." Unless it's the crime feed and I'm looking to see if any of my little projects have been discovered yet. She looks from the door to me. "So you want to come in? I can put the kettle on and change out of these clothes." A warm peach colour spreads across her cheeks. "I'd like that." Does this mean she likes me? Or is she just shy? I never know what any of this all means. I fumble with my keys for a few seconds before getting the right one out and into the keyhole. "You have a lot of keys..." She says awkwardly. "Do I? I hadn't noticed." I offer her a small smile to know that I'm being playful. I sense her body relax at that and I open the door.
"Home sweet home." "You live here?" "No, I don't I just have a key for laughs." She chuckles. "No, silly I mean you own this entire floor right?" "How did you know that?" Is she stocking me? Is she undercover from Scotland Yard? Have I been duped by a pretty face? Did I just call her pretty? I think I did. Is she really pretty? No, she's gorgeous. FOCUS! "Your friend Nick told me. He said that he lives with you and stuff. That's nice, it must be hard to afford this all on your own especially in London." She catches her breath. "I didn't mean to imply that I know anything about your finances, it's just that it's so much room and the city is so expensive...I guess..." She trails off. "Andrea, it's fine. Perfectly normal question. You don't even know what I do for work, do you?" The peach colour darkens, mixing with a pale raspberry colour. "I'll take your jacket, have a seat over by the fireplace in the lounge, it's through that glass door there." I point to the right. "And I'll pop along in a minute, I just want to take these clothes off. Oh, and the shoes." "Right!" She takes her trainers off and sets them on the mat by the door. I pretend to busy myself with her coat and umbrella as I watch her walk through the glass door. Fuck, I love the sway of her hips, her thighs look luscious in those leggings. What a time to be alive! I feel my legs turning to jelly. No! You need to focus, Wil. I take off my hoodie and hang it next to her coat. "Do you have herbal?" "I do." I slide through the second glass door and into the kitchen. I put the kettle on to boil and tell her that I'll be right back I'm just changing my clothes. I hurry into my bedroom, tugging off my skinnies and nearly breaking my neck trying to get out of my t-shirt that's become stuck to my skin. I manage to free myself, grab the first t-shirt I can reach in the top of the fresh laundry Nick's thrown on my bed and snag a pair of joggers off the desk chair. I'm not going to bother with socks.
I almost run back to the kitchen to get the tea. I throw some biscuits onto a tray along with two mugs, almond milk and the teapot. Andrea is looking through the bookshelf when I emerge through the door. "Interesting t-shirt." She muses when she turns around and spots me. I look down at the shirt. I'm A Virgin. I chuckle awkwardly and turn around. "See there's a back to it." "But this is an old shirt." She laughs. "Well, to be honest, I didn't think you were. Which is mine?" She points to the mugs. "Take whichever you'd like." We sit in silence as I pour each of us mugs. "Do..do you have sugar?" Now she wants to be shy? She's sweet enough to sweeten that mug of tea on her own, but I don't tell her that. "Should do." I return to the kitchen, feeling my blood pressure in my wrists. What the fuck is going on with me? This is all so new to me. I want to scream. I want to cry. Is this what humans go through on a daily basis? No wonder humanity is so fucked up. I fetch the sugar for her and a sugar substitute for myself and return to her. She thanks me as I hand her the little sugar bowl. "Are all those books yours?" "Yes." "There's a lot of medical ones...you don't strike me as a doctor." "More of a hobby and an appreciation for collectable medical texts, really. Could you pass the almond milk?" She hands it to me and I add a dollop to my tea, stirring slowly. "You don't take sugar?" Her question catches me a little off guard. "What? Oh, no I have this." I hold up my sugar substitute. "Why? It's not like you need to lose any weight. You've got a nice body." I almost drop the mug. I can slit a guys throat, dismember him and bury him no problem but an attractive woman tells me I have a good body and I crumble like a stale biscuit. "Thank you. I just prefer it at all." "I should probably be using that instead of sugar. I'm a bit on the large side." She jokes and takes a sip of her tea. "I like a woman with a little meat on her bones." It slips out and I feel my cheeks getting hot. "You don't have to say that to be kind."
"I'm not. I do like a larger woman. If I wanted bones, I'd go to the cemetery and try and fuck them. I like curves." "Well, I have plenty of those!" I knock everything off the table and swing her onto it. I rip at her shirt, tripping the collar. I need to be inside her. I need to know what she tastes like. I kiss her fast and hard, pulling the breath from her chest. "Moan my name." I growl into her neck as her fingers work their way down my spine. "William, your skin is damp." She moans, slipping her hands under my shirt. For the second time in less than an hour, I find myself shirtless, as I lean down and kick her collarbones. I chew down through her shirt, teasing her cleavage with my tongue.
ALSO!
Coming Soon! New website is coming soon just for my books! It will feature snippets, an online shop, behind the scenes, tour dates and more! It's been in the works for a little while now, but with depression (yay) my other job and Delectables with Dan all happening a lot of delays happened, but I'm happy to share with you guys that things are back on track!
I've never felt this before; Is this guilt? Is this what it means to feel human? Why do I ache to touch her? I want to feel her skin against mine, take her warm breath against me, taste her mouth with mine. I slam my fist into the brick wall. I need these thoughts to go away. The throbbing pain in my hand begins to distract me. I don't think I've broken anything but it's time to go home. Nick should be there waiting with some kind of baked thing. Maybe I can take my mind of things with one of those coconut cream tarts that he makes. I used to be pissed off that he'd spend all his time watching those programmes on the food channel, but now I rather enjoy it.
I head north towards the flat, her face still swimming before my eyes. Deep brown doe eyes, round pink cheese, the hint of a double chin and messy chocolate coloured hair. I want to reach out the few freckles that kiss her temples but I snap back to myself. Brain, you need to stop doing this! What is the drive behind this? It's more powerful than the drive to kill. What has she done to me? If I can't kill then I can't be me. I can't let all my angst out and I'll explode into a million pieces. She's ruined me. This isn't fair! But at the same time, I ache for her embrace, salivate at the idea of her touch and long to be buried deep inside her. Wil, you gotta get your head back in the goddamn game! Shit like this is how guys like you get tripped up and caught! You don't want that do you? No, that means prison. No more fun strolls in the garden. No more cigarettes and chocolate-well, you can get those in prison. But worst of all, she'll hate you. She'll see what a monster you are and will want nothing to do with you and that's a fate worse than death.
I lean against the wall and try to clear my head from these thoughts. I need to go home and change, firstly. Being in these wet clothes isn't a way to change my thoughts. I look around and realise that I'm only a few blocks from home; I hadn't realised where I'd been walking. I pray to whatever invisible force that's out there that Nick is not home when I get there. It's 3 in the afternoon, he should be at work or candy stripping. Fucking do-gooder jerkoff. I slip into the building and start to shake off the rain. I look like a drowning rat. I don't feel like waiting for the lift so I walk up the 4 flights of stairs to my floor and run smack into her. Andrea. My heart crashes into my lower intestines and thankfully the cold from the rain helps keep blush from appearing on my cheeks.
"Wil, you look like you've been standing in the rain for hours! Didn't you take an umbrella with you when you left this morning?" Obviously not. I feel the urge to be sarcastic crawling up me, but I suppress it. "I guess not. I'm not one to really listen to the news." Unless it's the crime feed and I'm looking to see if any of my little projects have been discovered yet. She looks from the door to me. "So you want to come in? I can put the kettle on and change out of these clothes." A warm peach colour spreads across her cheeks. "I'd like that." Does this mean she likes me? Or is she just shy? I never know what any of this all means. I fumble with my keys for a few seconds before getting the right one out and into the keyhole. "You have a lot of keys..." She says awkwardly. "Do I? I hadn't noticed." I offer her a small smile to know that I'm being playful. I sense her body relax at that and I open the door.
"Home sweet home." "You live here?" "No, I don't I just have a key for laughs." She chuckles. "No, silly I mean you own this entire floor right?" "How did you know that?" Is she stocking me? Is she undercover from Scotland Yard? Have I been duped by a pretty face? Did I just call her pretty? I think I did. Is she really pretty? No, she's gorgeous. FOCUS! "Your friend Nick told me. He said that he lives with you and stuff. That's nice, it must be hard to afford this all on your own especially in London." She catches her breath. "I didn't mean to imply that I know anything about your finances, it's just that it's so much room and the city is so expensive...I guess..." She trails off. "Andrea, it's fine. Perfectly normal question. You don't even know what I do for work, do you?" The peach colour darkens, mixing with a pale raspberry colour. "I'll take your jacket, have a seat over by the fireplace in the lounge, it's through that glass door there." I point to the right. "And I'll pop along in a minute, I just want to take these clothes off. Oh, and the shoes." "Right!" She takes her trainers off and sets them on the mat by the door. I pretend to busy myself with her coat and umbrella as I watch her walk through the glass door. Fuck, I love the sway of her hips, her thighs look luscious in those leggings. What a time to be alive! I feel my legs turning to jelly. No! You need to focus, Wil. I take off my hoodie and hang it next to her coat. "Do you have herbal?" "I do." I slide through the second glass door and into the kitchen. I put the kettle on to boil and tell her that I'll be right back I'm just changing my clothes. I hurry into my bedroom, tugging off my skinnies and nearly breaking my neck trying to get out of my t-shirt that's become stuck to my skin. I manage to free myself, grab the first t-shirt I can reach in the top of the fresh laundry Nick's thrown on my bed and snag a pair of joggers off the desk chair. I'm not going to bother with socks.
I almost run back to the kitchen to get the tea. I throw some biscuits onto a tray along with two mugs, almond milk and the teapot. Andrea is looking through the bookshelf when I emerge through the door. "Interesting t-shirt." She muses when she turns around and spots me. I look down at the shirt. I'm A Virgin. I chuckle awkwardly and turn around. "See there's a back to it." "But this is an old shirt." She laughs. "Well, to be honest, I didn't think you were. Which is mine?" She points to the mugs. "Take whichever you'd like." We sit in silence as I pour each of us mugs. "Do..do you have sugar?" Now she wants to be shy? She's sweet enough to sweeten that mug of tea on her own, but I don't tell her that. "Should do." I return to the kitchen, feeling my blood pressure in my wrists. What the fuck is going on with me? This is all so new to me. I want to scream. I want to cry. Is this what humans go through on a daily basis? No wonder humanity is so fucked up. I fetch the sugar for her and a sugar substitute for myself and return to her. She thanks me as I hand her the little sugar bowl. "Are all those books yours?" "Yes." "There's a lot of medical ones...you don't strike me as a doctor." "More of a hobby and an appreciation for collectable medical texts, really. Could you pass the almond milk?" She hands it to me and I add a dollop to my tea, stirring slowly. "You don't take sugar?" Her question catches me a little off guard. "What? Oh, no I have this." I hold up my sugar substitute. "Why? It's not like you need to lose any weight. You've got a nice body." I almost drop the mug. I can slit a guys throat, dismember him and bury him no problem but an attractive woman tells me I have a good body and I crumble like a stale biscuit. "Thank you. I just prefer it at all." "I should probably be using that instead of sugar. I'm a bit on the large side." She jokes and takes a sip of her tea. "I like a woman with a little meat on her bones." It slips out and I feel my cheeks getting hot. "You don't have to say that to be kind."
"I'm not. I do like a larger woman. If I wanted bones, I'd go to the cemetery and try and fuck them. I like curves." "Well, I have plenty of those!" I knock everything off the table and swing her onto it. I rip at her shirt, tripping the collar. I need to be inside her. I need to know what she tastes like. I kiss her fast and hard, pulling the breath from her chest. "Moan my name." I growl into her neck as her fingers work their way down my spine. "William, your skin is damp." She moans, slipping her hands under my shirt. For the second time in less than an hour, I find myself shirtless, as I lean down and kick her collarbones. I chew down through her shirt, teasing her cleavage with my tongue.
ALSO!
Coming Soon! New website is coming soon just for my books! It will feature snippets, an online shop, behind the scenes, tour dates and more! It's been in the works for a little while now, but with depression (yay) my other job and Delectables with Dan all happening a lot of delays happened, but I'm happy to share with you guys that things are back on track!
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