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Dan x Dan Do New England Take Two

 

At the end of my last blog, I said that the next segment would be focused on the foods I discovered. I encountered the oddly interesting to the plain vomit-inducing and I'd like to share a few of them with you guys.  (I know I touched one some foods in the previous blog.)

The first photo was taken literally 300ft or so from the ticketing entrance. Way to stick product in someone's face. I couldn't believe what the fuck I'd just read. 'Deep Fried Oreo'. I couldn't figure out if they were serious or if it was some kind of gag. Apparently, from what I was able to see through the little window there, they wrap an entire Oreo cookie in a type of batter, like they dip it in some kind of pasty goo and then fried. Who thinks of this kind of shit? I mean, seriously. That's just foul. Fowl can be used to describe a lot of the "food" items I saw here. Honestly, I'm not sure half of it was even edible. I saw a lot of things there that were fried that shouldn't have been. 

Funnel cake. Elephant ears. What the fuck are these things? Surely, it's not a real elephant's ear deep fried and covered in icing sugar, but then again this is a fair in America, so that might just be possible. I wanted to see what they are, so I walked around and peered into the little window. It's basically like a drizzle of sperm into hot oil, fried and then covered with icing sugar. How is that even palatable? And why isn't it funnel-shaped? Why call it that?! Why not like call it a waffle cake? It looks kind of like a waffle. The smell of the oil made my stomach want to turn, so I turned away to seek out other areas on the fairway. I still don't know what an elephant ear is. I suppose I could Google it, but I'm afraid of what might come up. 


Why the hell would anyone eat a turkey leg, let alone something from a fair? The whole thing seems to defy logic. Then again, I've kept sandwiches in the morgue freezer at my old place of work, so who am I really to say anything. What even is a turkey leg? What do they do with the rest of the turkey? They just serve the legs there. Do they just have a bag of turkey legs? Is there a pile of legless turkeys laying somewhere unseen? Can you buy just a turkey leg? I've only had turkey as a part of Christmas dinner so, I really don't know. The sausage thing looked interesting enough, but I had my eye on the merry-go-round.

I needed to buy tickets to get on it and was shocked at the prices of the tickets, but I was like 'Goddamn it, I must ride it. I've not been on one in almost 20 years.'  I just couldn't pass this up. I headed to one of the little booths selling tickets and pushed my money through the little slot asking for the number of tickets required to ride the merry-go-round. The woman looked a little confused as I'm a grown man and I didn't have any children with me. She pushed the tickets out through the little slot, I snatched them and ran off. I dumped my bag on the side of the grounds with a sombre-looking woman and climbed onto the ride with Pork Chop. I was the only adult on the ride aside from two others who were with their children. I climbed up onto a brown horse with a curly mane and with Pork Chop safely nestled between my arm and chest started to go round. I snapped a few photos of him on the ride for the sake of comedy, one of me and then did a bit of filming. Filming it honestly made me want to through up. Circling all those times, going up and down messed with me. The heat didn't help either. I waved to the lady with my bag and she waved back. I looked just like everybody else. For that small, brief window I was just like everybody else. I was at a fair, laughing, having a good time. With Pork Chop in my side, I was able to let go of the rigid control and depression. It was freeing. 

 That was the only ride that I went on. I found the cost of them an insult and I really didn't want to shell out for some low-end rides. Now, if I'd been to an amusement park, I'd have gone on everything. I like the rollercoasters. I hated than when I was younger. When I was about 10 I went on a giant one with a classmate of mine with his family. Well, actually his mum and older sister, he was shitting his pants over it and didn't go onto the ride. I remember screaming the entire way down. It was great. I went down the fairway, looking up into the Ferris wheel and seeing all the various little games people could play. I was quite taken with the ski-ball game. I remember playing it in arcades. Always fun. I'm quite good at it. I should play it more. Get out a bit more, maybe. 


And where would America be without a hotdog & nacho stand? I was surprised that I only saw 6 of them throughout the fairgrounds. I was kind of expecting more. They didn't smell as bad as I envisioned them to be. I had the idea of processed, plastic cheese and lard bubbling, but it just smelled like overcooked weenies and frying oil. I peeked through the little window slots as I passed by. I wasn't about to eat anything from a truck! I tried that once when I was in New York City and I almost died. Well, not really, I just caught food poisoning but still. It could have been a fluke I admit, but I wasn't about to take any chances. 




I don't even know what cheese curds are, never mind battery frying them. The whole thing sounds like a recipe for coronary artery disease in one sitting or a great way to give yourself diarrhoea. Why would anyone want to fry cheese in the first place? Then again, earlier in the day I found myself asking why the fuck anyone would want to deep fry an Oreo cookie. I do know what a blooming onion is though!

The entire experience seeing the different foods was weird for me, but they definitely had something for everyone there. I wandered around with my giant alien sippy cup filled with diet coke. There were vendors who sold treats to take home as well. Saltwater taffy, chocolate pretzels, all different sorts of biscuits. The smells and varieties were amazing to see. I saw so many different shapes and colours as well. It was almost an assault on my senses. It was a great experience, really. 



I had to stop and read the sign twice. I couldn't believe that I read what I read. I thought it was my heat raddled brain playing tricks on me, but no. That sign actually says "cheddar and bacon fudge".  I didn't even want to know any more about it. I turned and walked away...though I did hear the mint fudge calling my name. I'm thinking of doing it again for the Christmas Delectables with Dan. Maybe switch it up as well and do a raspberry fudge for some of the Christmas boxes I do. Why would anyone mix cheese and chocolate? That sounds like a recipe for the Hershey squirts to me. (I couldn't resist it, I love the phrase.) 



And in the last instalment, the petting zoo! Honestly, I went rather mental at the petting zoo. I had to pet every animal they had there. It will be smaller than this blog but will be fun none the less. I still have to upload the stuff I filmed. I'll probably get on that when I get back from Rhode Island in a little over a week.

Also, a company in the area is offering house cleaning at competitive rates. It's a small, nice business servicing the Western Mass. area. For more information, to book a cleaning and to ask about corporate opportunities you can check out Broadbent Cleaning Services!
https://www.facebook.com/Broadbent-Cleaning-Services-326360807826043/


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