Not So Wisdom Teeth: A Dental Adventure
My wisdom teeth need to come out.
I know a bit late, seeing as I'm in my mid 20's but they've started to come through all on their own. The pain was horrible a month and a half ago when I went to my regular dentist. I jumped into the chair and was like "Mate, my lower jaw hurts, I think my wisdom teeth are coming in. I can kinda feel a tooth back there on one side where I shouldn't feel one." He opened up my hole and exclaimed, "I see a tooth!" I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. "No shit you see a tooth. My mouth is full of them and metal and saliva." He told me to close and smiled. "Always sarcasm, huh, Dan?" "Yes." "Well, we're going to need to do a set of x-rays and see if I can yank 'em here at the office." Yank 'em? Real professional. ((And for those of you who remember, yes this was the same place where I got accosted by that drunk methhead who was slobbering all over my neck. NO TOUCHY!!))
They covered me in the little lead blanket and took the x-rays from the usual 4 different angles. "See there! We can see all your piercings on there!" I'm 25, not 5. "Yes, I can see that. I am not a child nor am I visually impaired." "Sorry, I just usually don't get to see films like this. It looks like these bad boys are in pretty deep. It's beyond my skill to remove them here. You'll have to see an oral surgeon for this....They're awfully large. And you're just starting with some discomfort now?" "Yes. I'm not one for being sensitive to pain." "I gathered." His eyes dance all over my tattooed arms and throat. "Well, I'll see you back here to fix that cracked tooth of yours. You have a nasty habit of chewing on things, don't you?" "Your girlfriend didn't seem to mind when I was chewing her pubis last weekend." "I-Well, I'll see you back for that. Make an appointment with Sherly." I hope out of the chair and thank him for the infos and the name of an oral surgeon.
A rare image of me piercing-less. I've not removed any of my oral piercings. I've had my tongue done for 10 years, my tip 5 years, my lips 8 years. I removed my nose piercings and my Madusa piercings, but there'll be a separate blog on all that. And don't let me forget it. I have the worst memory sometimes. Or I get caught up in other ideas and other things go on the back burner.
I have the take all my oral piercings out for some kind of x-ray they're doing to properly see my wisdom teeth. I don't understand why the first three x-days I've had a month earlier won't suffice. I'm probably going to die of radiation poisoning before I finally get the fucking teeth pulled out. You might be wondering why I've had three x-rays. Late June, went to have a filling fixed and they needed to x-ray it. They didn't fix it that day. They mismarked me in the office and I got another cleaning. The dentist actually cleans my teeth because all the hygienists are too afraid that I'm going to bite them all again. And Katherine, again, I'm sorry for the stitches. If it happens again, I'll send you a nice muffin basket. Fuck that, I'll make one for you.
-At The Surgeons Part One-
I show up for my consultation with all but one oral piercing removed. My frenulum piercing. Otherwise known as the tongue web piercing. There's another sort of frenulum piercing but it's not in the mouth...Google that one for yourself kids. I informed the tech who was taking my x-rays and she called one of the available doctors to come over and take a look. "Well, we'll see if we can get this little guy out." The doctor, who would turn out to be my surgeon, pulled on a pair of gloves and ventured into my mouth. He struggled for about 10 minutes trying to get one of the balls loose but to no avail. "That's really in there!" "I don't think it will affect the x-ray, it never has with any of the other imaging that I've had." "Well, let's give it a go."
Tomorrow is the big day. No rehearsals. I need to actually get a good night's rest before this. I've gotta be up early for it. I'm hoping that when they put me under I don't get all truthful and admit some of the shit I've been up to lately or talk about some of my more interesting hobbies or blather on about my love for Chubbs. If there are any all-powerful supreme beings listening, please help a brother out with this. Don't let me waffle at the oral surgeon.
Ah, cunt muffins! This also means that I need to take my tongue bars out and my lip rings again. Goddamn it all. It was a right pain in the balls trying to take them out 3 weeks ago for the x-rays. Oi, hey, I realised that they gave Peaches something to help her relax before she even went into the office to have her teeth removed and I didn't. I mentioned this to her and shes like "Because they know you'd abuse the medication like you always do."
"So when can I leave the office?" "Excuse me?" "How long will I have to sit here after I've woken up after surgery? I need to go home and go to work." The nurse stared at me as if I had 4 heads. "Work? Go to work?!" I'm pretty sure I said it in English the first time, but I repeated it anyway. "Yes. I'm going to work after this." "But you're going to be all doped up! You won't be able to do anything." And to that, I replied, "Hold my beer, woman. I'm an author, at least a quart of the shit I've written I've been high for. And anyway it's just a bit of translation work today." "You won't be able to speak! You'll be in too much pain!" "Most of it's just typing. I wouldn't worry about it. Look at my face. Do I seem worried?" "You seem oddly relaxed." "Thank you. Now stick me with your needle and let's start this show."
She put the IV in my arm and told me they were going to start me with some fluids before the surgeon would give me the sedation. She hooked me up to an EKG, Pulse Ox, the standard things to monitor me while I was unconscious. I saw this as a prime opportunity for some mischief. Inspired by the original monitor wanker prankster himself Mr Daniel Howell, I decided to screw with the nurse. As soon as she left the room to see other patients, I got busy and the machine started to slowly beep faster. Within two minutes the beeping almost set the machine on fire and the nurse rushed back in. "Are you okay? Are you having an anxiety attack? It's okay to be nervous! It says in your chart that you're bipolar, is this one of the episodes?" "Well, it's an episode of sorts." "What do you mean?" All I did was smirk at her and she seemed to get the message. "I guess that's one way to relieve anxiety...I'll just close the door over this time." "Oh, it's okay, I've finished. Helped myself to the tissues. I hope you don't mind. You have any hand sanitizer?" "I'm going to go see how long till we start your surgery, Dan."
Five minutes later the doctor and his posse of two assistants came into the room and announced it was yankin time. Honestly, I loved the surgeon. He was funny, sarcastic and explained things in a detailed manner. He's the kind of bloke you want cutting into your gums if you need to have it done. He stuck the syringe into the IV and turned to make sure he had all the necessary equipment to complete the extraction quickly and efficiently. I listened for about five minutes or so before I was taken away into the land of slumber. The last thing I remember is clutching Pork Chop on my lap and wondering what episode of my true crime playlist I left off on.
And then I woke up. In the middle of an extraction. I wasn't expecting this to happen and neither was the oral surgeon judging by his 'Jesus Christ' exclamation and him asking me if I was okay. He was drilling into my jaw bone to remove the impacted tooth on the bottom and I'm like "Yeah." "Do you want more...?" "Just finish!" I gargled at him and he finished and sewed me up. I loved the feel of the needle in my gums going in and out. Pain kink. He exclaimed we were done and I sat right up. "Do you feel groggy at all?" "No. Trazodone has more of an after punch than this IV sedation. When can I go home?" "About 15 or so minutes. You handled everything like a pro."
I actually expected more pain. I've had a minimal amount of swelling, nothing like my sister had or what they told me I'd most likely have. As soon as they pushed me into the little recovery area, I put my tongue bars back in and my lip rings too. I grinned at the nurse and she looked at me in complete disbelief. "I thought you were kidding about putting them back in this quick. And you smiled..." Her voice trailed off and she turned to busy herself with paperwork. Honestly.
Only an hour or so after the surgery I was able to open my mouth pretty much almost fully and chewing wasn't that much of a problem. There's actually a little video clip of me eating a sausage on a roll only about 4 hours after the surgery. I never learn my lessons, honestly. It was the same with my tongue piercings, I was almost instantly eating all the things they don't me not to. Maybe I'm stupid or just a glutton for punishment. It might be a bit of both. It was uncomfortable, not painful for me. I'm still wondering when the oral agony is going to hit me over the head. I could talk fine after about the same amount of time as well, which was great as I had to go and pick up the antibiotics and pain meds that had been prescribed for me.
And after a few hours of rest, I was up and finishing some blogs for here and double checking translations. Will still be high my left arse cheek. I metabolise things pretty quick which can both be a blessing and curse. The morons around me are convinced I'm going to be in complete agony and I'm going to milk this cow for all it's worth. It will be nice to have a little time off from all my usual work. The cheapest holiday I'll ever go on.
You'll be able to see the little updates via my Twitter & Instagram so make sure that you follow me on there! How many of you guys have had your wisdom teeth removed? What were your experiences?
More about wisdom teeth:
http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/wisdom-teeth-adult#1
https://askthedentist.com/wisdom-teeth-removal/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mk8I3tTod8
They covered me in the little lead blanket and took the x-rays from the usual 4 different angles. "See there! We can see all your piercings on there!" I'm 25, not 5. "Yes, I can see that. I am not a child nor am I visually impaired." "Sorry, I just usually don't get to see films like this. It looks like these bad boys are in pretty deep. It's beyond my skill to remove them here. You'll have to see an oral surgeon for this....They're awfully large. And you're just starting with some discomfort now?" "Yes. I'm not one for being sensitive to pain." "I gathered." His eyes dance all over my tattooed arms and throat. "Well, I'll see you back here to fix that cracked tooth of yours. You have a nasty habit of chewing on things, don't you?" "Your girlfriend didn't seem to mind when I was chewing her pubis last weekend." "I-Well, I'll see you back for that. Make an appointment with Sherly." I hope out of the chair and thank him for the infos and the name of an oral surgeon.
A rare image of me piercing-less. I've not removed any of my oral piercings. I've had my tongue done for 10 years, my tip 5 years, my lips 8 years. I removed my nose piercings and my Madusa piercings, but there'll be a separate blog on all that. And don't let me forget it. I have the worst memory sometimes. Or I get caught up in other ideas and other things go on the back burner.
I have the take all my oral piercings out for some kind of x-ray they're doing to properly see my wisdom teeth. I don't understand why the first three x-days I've had a month earlier won't suffice. I'm probably going to die of radiation poisoning before I finally get the fucking teeth pulled out. You might be wondering why I've had three x-rays. Late June, went to have a filling fixed and they needed to x-ray it. They didn't fix it that day. They mismarked me in the office and I got another cleaning. The dentist actually cleans my teeth because all the hygienists are too afraid that I'm going to bite them all again. And Katherine, again, I'm sorry for the stitches. If it happens again, I'll send you a nice muffin basket. Fuck that, I'll make one for you.
-At The Surgeons Part One-
I show up for my consultation with all but one oral piercing removed. My frenulum piercing. Otherwise known as the tongue web piercing. There's another sort of frenulum piercing but it's not in the mouth...Google that one for yourself kids. I informed the tech who was taking my x-rays and she called one of the available doctors to come over and take a look. "Well, we'll see if we can get this little guy out." The doctor, who would turn out to be my surgeon, pulled on a pair of gloves and ventured into my mouth. He struggled for about 10 minutes trying to get one of the balls loose but to no avail. "That's really in there!" "I don't think it will affect the x-ray, it never has with any of the other imaging that I've had." "Well, let's give it a go."
Tomorrow is the big day. No rehearsals. I need to actually get a good night's rest before this. I've gotta be up early for it. I'm hoping that when they put me under I don't get all truthful and admit some of the shit I've been up to lately or talk about some of my more interesting hobbies or blather on about my love for Chubbs. If there are any all-powerful supreme beings listening, please help a brother out with this. Don't let me waffle at the oral surgeon.
Ah, cunt muffins! This also means that I need to take my tongue bars out and my lip rings again. Goddamn it all. It was a right pain in the balls trying to take them out 3 weeks ago for the x-rays. Oi, hey, I realised that they gave Peaches something to help her relax before she even went into the office to have her teeth removed and I didn't. I mentioned this to her and shes like "Because they know you'd abuse the medication like you always do."
"So when can I leave the office?" "Excuse me?" "How long will I have to sit here after I've woken up after surgery? I need to go home and go to work." The nurse stared at me as if I had 4 heads. "Work? Go to work?!" I'm pretty sure I said it in English the first time, but I repeated it anyway. "Yes. I'm going to work after this." "But you're going to be all doped up! You won't be able to do anything." And to that, I replied, "Hold my beer, woman. I'm an author, at least a quart of the shit I've written I've been high for. And anyway it's just a bit of translation work today." "You won't be able to speak! You'll be in too much pain!" "Most of it's just typing. I wouldn't worry about it. Look at my face. Do I seem worried?" "You seem oddly relaxed." "Thank you. Now stick me with your needle and let's start this show."
Five minutes later the doctor and his posse of two assistants came into the room and announced it was yankin time. Honestly, I loved the surgeon. He was funny, sarcastic and explained things in a detailed manner. He's the kind of bloke you want cutting into your gums if you need to have it done. He stuck the syringe into the IV and turned to make sure he had all the necessary equipment to complete the extraction quickly and efficiently. I listened for about five minutes or so before I was taken away into the land of slumber. The last thing I remember is clutching Pork Chop on my lap and wondering what episode of my true crime playlist I left off on.
And then I woke up. In the middle of an extraction. I wasn't expecting this to happen and neither was the oral surgeon judging by his 'Jesus Christ' exclamation and him asking me if I was okay. He was drilling into my jaw bone to remove the impacted tooth on the bottom and I'm like "Yeah." "Do you want more...?" "Just finish!" I gargled at him and he finished and sewed me up. I loved the feel of the needle in my gums going in and out. Pain kink. He exclaimed we were done and I sat right up. "Do you feel groggy at all?" "No. Trazodone has more of an after punch than this IV sedation. When can I go home?" "About 15 or so minutes. You handled everything like a pro."
Only an hour or so after the surgery I was able to open my mouth pretty much almost fully and chewing wasn't that much of a problem. There's actually a little video clip of me eating a sausage on a roll only about 4 hours after the surgery. I never learn my lessons, honestly. It was the same with my tongue piercings, I was almost instantly eating all the things they don't me not to. Maybe I'm stupid or just a glutton for punishment. It might be a bit of both. It was uncomfortable, not painful for me. I'm still wondering when the oral agony is going to hit me over the head. I could talk fine after about the same amount of time as well, which was great as I had to go and pick up the antibiotics and pain meds that had been prescribed for me.
And after a few hours of rest, I was up and finishing some blogs for here and double checking translations. Will still be high my left arse cheek. I metabolise things pretty quick which can both be a blessing and curse. The morons around me are convinced I'm going to be in complete agony and I'm going to milk this cow for all it's worth. It will be nice to have a little time off from all my usual work. The cheapest holiday I'll ever go on.
You'll be able to see the little updates via my Twitter & Instagram so make sure that you follow me on there! How many of you guys have had your wisdom teeth removed? What were your experiences?
More about wisdom teeth:
http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/wisdom-teeth-adult#1
https://askthedentist.com/wisdom-teeth-removal/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mk8I3tTod8
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