Little By Little Preview 3

„Gingerbread“ 

I can’t wait until I can fall into the distraction of holiday baking.

I can subdue the monsters in my head and in my bones with the smell of gingerbread and peppermint.

I’ll work hard, concentrating on the icing so that the faces come out perfect. Then I’ll build them a house. Thick slabs of gingerbread will create the walls and minty green icing will bind them together. I’ll ice on little white windows and create little sugar spun trees for their front garden. I’ll make a gumdrop fence and a little liquorice chimney. It will gleam under my kitchen lights.

And I will eye their perfect clothes and perfect home with jealousy. I want that. Their happy faces stare back at me, but they don’t offer me sanctuary. I fight the urge to bite their heads off. I know that if i do, then i will crunch, crunch, crunch on their little biscuit bodies. And that is when panic will set in. I’ll feel the calories leak into my bloodstream. I’ll feel the shooting stars, set off by the sugar echo through my skull. And then I will race to the bathroom. My toothbrush will go down my throat and dance with my tonsils until everything makes an appearance. I’ll lay against the cool tile floor, listening to the noises of the house. My throat will burn, my eyes will be watery and my chest will ache.

„Define The Lightning“ 

And we did it on the cathedral steps in the pouring rain.

As the lightning cracked above us, 

I realised that I loved you. 

And we did it in the icy, frost-laden air near the central station

as the darkness closed in around us. 

The warmth of his breath kept the frost from setting in. 

He thrilled me on the edge of the Neckar.

He took me to new heights at the gardens in Denmark. 

He bit me until I ran red with blood and I’d do the same to him.

We’d taste each other, wholly and completely,

experiencing nothing but one another. 

The world around us ceased to exist. 

And we did it in the waves surrounding Mt Maunganui.

He stole the breath from me and I never felt more alive.

The foam settled into our skin and I held you in an entirely 

new way.

Laying on the beach, our clothes scattered around us and the

sky the colour of fire above us, 

I knew this is where I needed to be. 

„Wrist Cutters“

It's never what you expect, is it?

Each time its a different high, a different sensation.

A different mood, a different light. 

You walk the boundaries between life and death,

knowing that it doesn’t matter if you fall over on either side.

Sometimes the pain rips through you, like a tongue of fire.

Sometimes the pain is soothing, like the warmth of a sun on a cool day. 

Sometimes the pain is comfort, like a letter from an old friend.

Sometimes the pain is unsettling, with that first movement of the blade,

you know that it was a mistake. 

It's never what you expect, is it? 

The blood is rich in colour.

The blood is pale.

Sometimes it has a rust like tinge to it.

Sometimes it has a purple tinge to it. 

You see what binds you to this physical plane of existence,

yet you still don’t look away.

You run your fingers over your dampened skin,

enthralled and disgusted by what you’ve done. 

Laying naked atop the roof.

Completely vulnerable and exposed. 

Beads of water collect in the dips of my ribs, 

giving the appearance that I’m covered in diamond chards.

I bleed freely and grieve without restraint as the rain hits me. 

It’s my time to be released. 

„Black Magic“ 

You are the thing that binds me to this Earth.

Without you, I would fall apart and fade away into

oblivion. 

I’m disintegrating but, still you hold

me close.

I have one face that the world sees

and another one that only you can see. 

I’m beginning to believe that your embrace

is the only thing that can save me.

„Medicine"

Little By Little will be out 30 January 2017!
Follow my social media for all updates as well as here! 
Thanks to everyone for all the support and encouragement that I've
gotten whilst working on this book.

All words are copyright@AnjaAbsinthe2016
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without permission from the author.