Dan x Dan in Rhode Island Day Four: Doughnuts & Lake Front Views
4 October 2017
I awake to a cool breeze and a slight fog across the back garden. I hope today goes better than yesterday. I've not had a day that shitty in quite some time. I don't have time to sit on reflect on the troubles of yesterday or even think about why I'm still high on neurochemicals from yesterday afternoon, I've got to catch a bus to make sure I'm on time for my interview at PVDonuts. It's been a while since I've done an interview. The last two, people ended up screwing me, but I feel good about this one. I think it's going to be good. Another cloudless day. I'm convinced there are no clouds in Providence. Seriously, what the fuck is this? I make it to the bus stop with time to spare. The bus hasn't even arrived yet. I hate how even though it's not 'in service' I have to stand around and wait to get on. The driver will only let me on right before he's ready to leave. Maybe it's a liability issue?
I'm on the bus for about 10 minutes before the next person gets on. The woman I spoke to yesterday who helped with the Google Maps fuck up. She sits next to me and asks me how the book event went. I told her it went alright and tell her about my stranded-chicken adventure. We make small talk for not even 10 minutes and I learn she's called Susan before we're interrupted by an unkempt man. "What doughnut shop are you going to?" What the fuck? Do I have a magnet on me that attracts these people? I'm trying to be polite but I can't focus on anything but his horrible teeth and the filth that rings his neck. It's a good thing I don't eat breakfast because his stench would have turned my stomach and its contents would have ended up on the bus floor. I'm praying to the stars above that he doesn't ask me if he can tag along and that he gets off the bus soon. He's accompanied by a much younger woman and a child. I feel bad for the daughter.
"I'm going to PVDonuts," I say carefully. "I don't know what that is." He starts rambling about some fantasy travel he went on, while I turn to Susan. "I don't know that place, but there's a lot of good bakery and doughnut places around here." I tell her the address and she tells me the best place to get up and walk to it. I'm in the mood to stretch my legs out, so I disregard the bus suggestion from earlier and decide to walk. "You can get off with me in a few stops rather than getting off at Kenedy and trying to walk the long way." "Safe." We jump off the bus together, dingy and his company following. We wave a friendly, polite goodbye to them and watch them blend into the other foot traffic further down the street. "Please tell me that's his fuckin' daughter." "That's like his girlfriend." I almost drop Pork Chop on his head. "Get the fuck outta here!!" "And that's their son, it's his." "Holy shit. Nooo." For a moment it's as if Susan and I are in an episode of Gossip Girl. "He doesn't work, but she does. He's trying to scam some sort of hours or settlement out of the state." "Well, that sounds fuckin' familiar." My thoughts drift to a certain nameless douchebag. "Will I see you on the bus tomorrow?" She asks me, adjusting her purse strap. "Oh, yeah. I'm going to the zoo tomorrow. Gonna do some blogging and stuff there." "Nice. See you tomorrow." We wave goodbye and head off in separate directions. All this socialising is going to give me a strong. I don't know how people interact so easily with one another; I need to keep my focus at all time.
I put in my earbuds and start sweating to Oasis as I wander through the winding streets. Maybe Al Gore was right about global warming in America. Fucking hell. The sun beams down on me like its taking the piss. Fucking sun. I have only a rough idea of where I'm going, following the directions that Susan pointed out as we road through the city. I should have gotten a map. There's no wifi and the streets are deserted except for two blokes sitting outside a cafe sipping coffee. I could ask them, but they're posh twats who will probably lie to me. They stink of overpriced cologne and paid for sex. Their eyes follow me as I pass by them, I look back and offer a mysterious smile. They don't know how to take it, but they turn their heads down and continue their whispering. I realise that I had mapped the location on my phone and I can use use the offline mapping on the phone. I'm brilliant. I look down and see it's another 2 miles from where I currently am. That's not all that bad. After all, I do have some time to spare and a full battery on my iPad. Let's do it.
The buildings are old and historic. It's like stepping back in time for a little bit. It makes me think of the American Revolution and I'm not sure why. I think most of the buildings, if not all, were built after that. Why the whole revolution happened is a mystery because all the things the colonists were bitching about never got sorted; the only thing that changed was the oppressor. Maybe I'm not meant to understand it. I'm reflecting on my thoughts on the stupidity of the American Revolution when an old-fashioned pirate sign catches my attention. Sister Mister Sex Shop. Holy fuckballs. Now if that's not a fucked up name for a sex shop, I don't know what is. All sorts of disturbing cross-dressing sister fucking ideas explode in my head. I guess that's one way to have people remember the name of your business. Fuckin' hell. I glance at the window display to see pleather nipple tassels and all kind of little sexy toys accompanied by spooky decorations. Well, at least they keep it festive. Or maybe they keep the spookiness in the windows year round because the thought of fucking your sister is pretty scary.
I arrive at the doughnut shop and if I hadn't known what the shop's doughnut logo looked like, I would have missed it. It's a dark navy blue house with a little mint green doughnut hanging over the door. Upon drawing closer, I see the large windows of the shop are teaming with life. Oh, Christ, more social interaction. I take a deep breath and reach for the door allowing a man carrying two large pastry boxes and an iced coffee to pass by. "You're a life-saver." He breathes to me and I inwardly chuckle. "You're welcome." I walk up inside the shop and am greeted by the sound of friendly chatter and the smell of fresh doughnuts. The place smells like Heaven. If there is a Heaven, I think I might want it to resemble this place. I get in line and wait to be called up to the counter, my brain swimming. What the hell am I going to say? A punky looking girl appears out the side door with purple hair and visible tattoos; the sight of her relaxes me. A small blonde girl calls me up to the counter. "Hi, what can I get you?" "Ah, I'd emailed a few weeks back about an interview with one of you guys for a blog that I run?" I sound unsure of myself, something I usually don't project when I'm out with the public. "Oh! Okay, let me go and get Lori." I step to the side and tell her that I'll get set up in the corner with my laptop. The blonde girl disappears behind a silver door and I settle into the corner to watch people eat.
I'm only waiting a few minutes before a young, attractive blonde woman approaches me. "Dan?" "Lori?" "Nice to meet you!" I extend a handout. "Thanks for taking the time to interview with me." "It's no problem. How'd you find us?" "Social media. I'd seen you guys on, Facebook I think and I had, like, thousands of people telling me to check you guys out, so I literally came here just for the doughnuts." "What?!" "Yep. I came all the way here just to try your funky doughnuts. I built a mini book tour around it too. Forgive me if my heads a bit fuzzy, I had a birthday yesterday and I did celebrate a bit hard." "Happy Birthday! And don't worry about it!" She's professional but so laid back. Perfect.
We chat for about a half hour, my furious typing cutting through the conversation. We share a few personal things that have influenced our current lines of work and have a pretty good rapport. It's not every day that I get to interview and work with someone who's been so professional but easy to get along with. It was a real pleasure. I thank her again for her time and shake hands with her. "Enjoy the doughnuts!" She waves as she disappears back through the silver door she emerged from earlier. I sit back and take a breath. I can do it. I can eat a doughnut in public. After all, yesterday I managed a pizza pretzel..then again, yesterday I was all alone and today the place is packed like the O2 for a Placebo concert. I can at least try. I'm in the corner. No one will notice me all the way over here. I get back in line and get some doughnuts. I'm dying to try the pumpkin spice latte one. It's screaming out to me from the case. "Eat me, Daniel. You know you want to. Sink your teeth into my doughy flesh." I order one of them and a few others to try.
I'm on the bus for about 10 minutes before the next person gets on. The woman I spoke to yesterday who helped with the Google Maps fuck up. She sits next to me and asks me how the book event went. I told her it went alright and tell her about my stranded-chicken adventure. We make small talk for not even 10 minutes and I learn she's called Susan before we're interrupted by an unkempt man. "What doughnut shop are you going to?" What the fuck? Do I have a magnet on me that attracts these people? I'm trying to be polite but I can't focus on anything but his horrible teeth and the filth that rings his neck. It's a good thing I don't eat breakfast because his stench would have turned my stomach and its contents would have ended up on the bus floor. I'm praying to the stars above that he doesn't ask me if he can tag along and that he gets off the bus soon. He's accompanied by a much younger woman and a child. I feel bad for the daughter.
"I'm going to PVDonuts," I say carefully. "I don't know what that is." He starts rambling about some fantasy travel he went on, while I turn to Susan. "I don't know that place, but there's a lot of good bakery and doughnut places around here." I tell her the address and she tells me the best place to get up and walk to it. I'm in the mood to stretch my legs out, so I disregard the bus suggestion from earlier and decide to walk. "You can get off with me in a few stops rather than getting off at Kenedy and trying to walk the long way." "Safe." We jump off the bus together, dingy and his company following. We wave a friendly, polite goodbye to them and watch them blend into the other foot traffic further down the street. "Please tell me that's his fuckin' daughter." "That's like his girlfriend." I almost drop Pork Chop on his head. "Get the fuck outta here!!" "And that's their son, it's his." "Holy shit. Nooo." For a moment it's as if Susan and I are in an episode of Gossip Girl. "He doesn't work, but she does. He's trying to scam some sort of hours or settlement out of the state." "Well, that sounds fuckin' familiar." My thoughts drift to a certain nameless douchebag. "Will I see you on the bus tomorrow?" She asks me, adjusting her purse strap. "Oh, yeah. I'm going to the zoo tomorrow. Gonna do some blogging and stuff there." "Nice. See you tomorrow." We wave goodbye and head off in separate directions. All this socialising is going to give me a strong. I don't know how people interact so easily with one another; I need to keep my focus at all time.I put in my earbuds and start sweating to Oasis as I wander through the winding streets. Maybe Al Gore was right about global warming in America. Fucking hell. The sun beams down on me like its taking the piss. Fucking sun. I have only a rough idea of where I'm going, following the directions that Susan pointed out as we road through the city. I should have gotten a map. There's no wifi and the streets are deserted except for two blokes sitting outside a cafe sipping coffee. I could ask them, but they're posh twats who will probably lie to me. They stink of overpriced cologne and paid for sex. Their eyes follow me as I pass by them, I look back and offer a mysterious smile. They don't know how to take it, but they turn their heads down and continue their whispering. I realise that I had mapped the location on my phone and I can use use the offline mapping on the phone. I'm brilliant. I look down and see it's another 2 miles from where I currently am. That's not all that bad. After all, I do have some time to spare and a full battery on my iPad. Let's do it.
The buildings are old and historic. It's like stepping back in time for a little bit. It makes me think of the American Revolution and I'm not sure why. I think most of the buildings, if not all, were built after that. Why the whole revolution happened is a mystery because all the things the colonists were bitching about never got sorted; the only thing that changed was the oppressor. Maybe I'm not meant to understand it. I'm reflecting on my thoughts on the stupidity of the American Revolution when an old-fashioned pirate sign catches my attention. Sister Mister Sex Shop. Holy fuckballs. Now if that's not a fucked up name for a sex shop, I don't know what is. All sorts of disturbing cross-dressing sister fucking ideas explode in my head. I guess that's one way to have people remember the name of your business. Fuckin' hell. I glance at the window display to see pleather nipple tassels and all kind of little sexy toys accompanied by spooky decorations. Well, at least they keep it festive. Or maybe they keep the spookiness in the windows year round because the thought of fucking your sister is pretty scary.
I arrive at the doughnut shop and if I hadn't known what the shop's doughnut logo looked like, I would have missed it. It's a dark navy blue house with a little mint green doughnut hanging over the door. Upon drawing closer, I see the large windows of the shop are teaming with life. Oh, Christ, more social interaction. I take a deep breath and reach for the door allowing a man carrying two large pastry boxes and an iced coffee to pass by. "You're a life-saver." He breathes to me and I inwardly chuckle. "You're welcome." I walk up inside the shop and am greeted by the sound of friendly chatter and the smell of fresh doughnuts. The place smells like Heaven. If there is a Heaven, I think I might want it to resemble this place. I get in line and wait to be called up to the counter, my brain swimming. What the hell am I going to say? A punky looking girl appears out the side door with purple hair and visible tattoos; the sight of her relaxes me. A small blonde girl calls me up to the counter. "Hi, what can I get you?" "Ah, I'd emailed a few weeks back about an interview with one of you guys for a blog that I run?" I sound unsure of myself, something I usually don't project when I'm out with the public. "Oh! Okay, let me go and get Lori." I step to the side and tell her that I'll get set up in the corner with my laptop. The blonde girl disappears behind a silver door and I settle into the corner to watch people eat.
I'm only waiting a few minutes before a young, attractive blonde woman approaches me. "Dan?" "Lori?" "Nice to meet you!" I extend a handout. "Thanks for taking the time to interview with me." "It's no problem. How'd you find us?" "Social media. I'd seen you guys on, Facebook I think and I had, like, thousands of people telling me to check you guys out, so I literally came here just for the doughnuts." "What?!" "Yep. I came all the way here just to try your funky doughnuts. I built a mini book tour around it too. Forgive me if my heads a bit fuzzy, I had a birthday yesterday and I did celebrate a bit hard." "Happy Birthday! And don't worry about it!" She's professional but so laid back. Perfect.
We chat for about a half hour, my furious typing cutting through the conversation. We share a few personal things that have influenced our current lines of work and have a pretty good rapport. It's not every day that I get to interview and work with someone who's been so professional but easy to get along with. It was a real pleasure. I thank her again for her time and shake hands with her. "Enjoy the doughnuts!" She waves as she disappears back through the silver door she emerged from earlier. I sit back and take a breath. I can do it. I can eat a doughnut in public. After all, yesterday I managed a pizza pretzel..then again, yesterday I was all alone and today the place is packed like the O2 for a Placebo concert. I can at least try. I'm in the corner. No one will notice me all the way over here. I get back in line and get some doughnuts. I'm dying to try the pumpkin spice latte one. It's screaming out to me from the case. "Eat me, Daniel. You know you want to. Sink your teeth into my doughy flesh." I order one of them and a few others to try.
The doughnuts are fucking massive. I thought the ones in the case were larger to show texture and toppings, but when the guy behind the counter started putting my order in a box, I saw they were the same size as the massive mothers in the case. How the hell am I going to eat all these? I pay, thank him and shuffle over to the corner once again. The scene must look odd; a grown man decked out from head to toe in tattoos, tight all black Gothic ensemble hunched over a MacBook Pro with his doll nibbling away on a doughnut.
It's like biting into a heavenly cloud; it's soft and fluffy. The texture is a perfect compliment to the pumpkin spice and the sweetness of the doughnut. The light sweetness of the doughnut only serves to enhance the spices. I'm lost in a pumpkin doughnut haze and don't notice two girls standing in front of me. "Do you mind if we sit here? Everywhere else is full." The sentence. It feels like I'm Harry on the Hogwarts express for the first time. "Not at all." I can't stop myself from repeating the dialogue there. "I like your ink." We sit and chat, exchanging pleasantries while they eat their doughnuts. I manage a few bites, but focus my attention on my tea and the conversation. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. "What brings you to the area?" "Oh, I'm here to interview the owner of the doughnut shop and a few other places. I run a blog and I'm an author. It's all work related." "That's so cool. Do you have Instagram?" I feel like asking her if a bear shits in the woods, but I want to try and be civil, so I go with the simpler, but far less flashy answer of yes. The girls follow me and I follow them back. They finish their doughnuts and we wave goodbye. I sit for a few minutes collecting myself. I had doughnuts with strangers. Is this another achievement unlocked? Thankfully they didn't notice Pork Chop sitting with me in the chair; or if they did, they didn't say anything.
I can't be sitting here all day. I need to get to the natural history museum. I need to catch the bus from Kennedy Plaza but it's too far to walk to. I catch the bus halfway and jump off at one of the cross streets. I wander down the street, clutching a pastry box, Pork Chop's head poking out of my rucksack. I must appear non-threatening because an elderly woman approaches me. "Excuse me, young man, would you happen to have change for the bus? I got on the wrong bus and I'm just trying to get home." "Let's have a look, shall we?" I use a softer tone than I normally would have. I pull out my coin bag and hand her $2.00 for the bus. "There you are Mrs." She looks hungry and before I even know what I'm doing, I expend the pastry box out to her. "Would you care for one?" "Aren't you a sweetheart! Thank you, dear." She takes one and takes a grateful bite. "You're such a kind person." I smile. "Only to those who deserve it." The bus turns around the corner and pulls up in front of the stop. "Let me help you." I extend an arm out to her and she grasps it, holding on me and I help her onto the bus. "Here, give me the coins and I'll put them in the machine. You go have a seat now." I drop the coins into the machine and wave to her before jumping off the bus. She waves to me as the bus pulls away from the stop.
I can't believe I've just done this. Did I have an aneurysm or something? Bloody hell. Shaken I'm heading to Kennedy Plaza to catch the bus out to the zoo when another woman stops me. "Did you go to PVDounts?" She asks, eyeing the pastry box. "Yes! They're amazing aren't they?" "I love that place. I go once or twice a week! I was just there last week with my son. He loves them." "The chemistry of the flavours is amazing." "Flavour chemistry?" "Oh, well I bake..." "Do you? What do you do? Cupcakes mainly, but other things. I've done a whole line of alcohol-infused icings." She gives me a gentle push on my shoulder. "You little devil you!" What is it with older woman and touching me? She's nice so it doesn't bother me, it just strikes me as odd. We sit and chat while I wait for the bus to arrive and when it does, I'm blown away. It's a bloody trolly. A bloody fucking trolly like the ones in San Fransico. The child inside me almost creams himself with excitement.
I can't be sitting here all day. I need to get to the natural history museum. I need to catch the bus from Kennedy Plaza but it's too far to walk to. I catch the bus halfway and jump off at one of the cross streets. I wander down the street, clutching a pastry box, Pork Chop's head poking out of my rucksack. I must appear non-threatening because an elderly woman approaches me. "Excuse me, young man, would you happen to have change for the bus? I got on the wrong bus and I'm just trying to get home." "Let's have a look, shall we?" I use a softer tone than I normally would have. I pull out my coin bag and hand her $2.00 for the bus. "There you are Mrs." She looks hungry and before I even know what I'm doing, I expend the pastry box out to her. "Would you care for one?" "Aren't you a sweetheart! Thank you, dear." She takes one and takes a grateful bite. "You're such a kind person." I smile. "Only to those who deserve it." The bus turns around the corner and pulls up in front of the stop. "Let me help you." I extend an arm out to her and she grasps it, holding on me and I help her onto the bus. "Here, give me the coins and I'll put them in the machine. You go have a seat now." I drop the coins into the machine and wave to her before jumping off the bus. She waves to me as the bus pulls away from the stop.
I can't believe I've just done this. Did I have an aneurysm or something? Bloody hell. Shaken I'm heading to Kennedy Plaza to catch the bus out to the zoo when another woman stops me. "Did you go to PVDounts?" She asks, eyeing the pastry box. "Yes! They're amazing aren't they?" "I love that place. I go once or twice a week! I was just there last week with my son. He loves them." "The chemistry of the flavours is amazing." "Flavour chemistry?" "Oh, well I bake..." "Do you? What do you do? Cupcakes mainly, but other things. I've done a whole line of alcohol-infused icings." She gives me a gentle push on my shoulder. "You little devil you!" What is it with older woman and touching me? She's nice so it doesn't bother me, it just strikes me as odd. We sit and chat while I wait for the bus to arrive and when it does, I'm blown away. It's a bloody trolly. A bloody fucking trolly like the ones in San Fransico. The child inside me almost creams himself with excitement.
I head down the hill and into the left and into the museum. It's a beautiful little building tucked in between pine trees. It's dead silent as I open the door. I walk up to the little desk where you get tickets and set the pastry box on the counter. "Is there any way I can leave this here? I had to work earlier and I can't really carry this box around the museum." "Oh, sure. You can leave it in the coat room right next door. I'll keep an eye on it." "Thank you." I buy tickets for Pork Chop and me, ditch the pastry box and my rucksack and we adventure into the museum. The dead eyes of stuffed animals and birds stare back at us. I wish they could do this to people. Well, not all people, obviously, but a few. It would be so interesting. Maybe I could do something like that...in a museum, not like in my basement. Relax there, I'm not about to Jeffrey Dahmer, anybody. I'm just curious about it.
The first floor is animals and various rock formations. I stop in front of the little koala and have to resist the urge to scream. It's one of the cuties things I've ever fucking seen. Remembering Dan and his infamous koala photo, Pork Chop and I "recreate" it. Chuckling, we move to another section of the room. We read the little labels under various rocks, gems and granite samples were taken from all over the region. I've never really been into geology, but I do like to admire the beauty of some of the things that the Earth spits out.
They have a little dinosaur egg and two small posters about dinosaurs and I wish they had more. I'm a complete dinosaur freak. I don't think I'll ever grow out of them. I'm 26 and still just as passionate about them as I was as a kid, maybe even more so. Dinosaurs are number five on my list.
We head up the creaky staircase and into the space area first. Space. My third greatest, no fourth greatest love. One is Chubbs, second is pizza, third is torture/serial killers and then space. Somber classical music fills the exhibits; most of them focus on Mars. I sing that little childhood rhyme in my head as I walk through the room. 'Born under Venus look for a penis. Born under Mars, reach for the stars.'
We've got time before the bus comes, so Pork Chop and I stretch out along the bank of the little lake across the street from the museum. It's warm with a gentle breeze that kisses our skin. This is the best day that I've had in a long time. My thoughts drift to Chubbs and how I wish it was him that I was laying beside. I picture us laying together, hands and curls entwined, just basking in each other's company after an hour or so of museum exploring. No one could ever mean half as much to me as he does. I love the way his skin feels against mine. I miss his scent and the warmth that he brings to my internal cold. I need to tell him all this, I can't just keep pushing it all down inside-
"Christ on a bike, I love you, Chubbers! It probably couldn't be more obvious but I want to say the words to you. I LOVE YOU!!" The bus pulls up and interrupts my screaming declaration of love. The drive looks a bit shaken. "Um, are you getting on?" I scramble to collect my bag, pastry box and Pork Chop. "Yes!" I scan my bus card using the last of the saved fare. I take a seat up front. I like to watch the traffic. I always have. It's a bit early for the bus to head off so we sit for a few moments in silence until he speaks. "Are you okay? You were kinda freaking out a bit there." "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just a lot inside you know? Emotions." He looks alarmed. "Good emotions." The word is caught in my throat. "Love. I love someone." He relaxes. "That's good. Love's important. Society needs more love, there are too many whackos running around killing people or stealing from others." "I agree." I don't dare disclose my actual thoughts on the matter.
The bus pulls off and it's an eventful ride back to the rental, my thoughts still on Chubbs. He's infected me. There's no other way to describe it. He's infected me and turned me into a drooling idiot. I should be distressed by it, but I'm not. I'm looking to embrace this. Maybe I'm not as corroded and broken as I've been led to believe. Maybe this is the start of something, the start of a somewhat normal life.
I will have the full interview up probably sometime next week, I want to go over my notes and photos and do any follow up I may need to do before I release it. For more information on PVDonuts, you can check them out here: http://www.pvdonuts.com/the-pvdonut/ Let me know what you think of the interview as well!
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