Delectables with Dan: DAN HOWELL INSPIRED CUPCAKES!

Today on Delectables with Dan my little helper Pork Chop and I have a new and exciting creation. I had the idea the other night and I decided why not run with it, and here we are a few days later the idea a reality. There are so many pieces of art dedicated to people, but how many people can say they have a food creation inspired by them? With help from my lovely mini assistant, I present to you a Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) inspired cupcake. It's a devil's food cupcake with bits of Maltesers baked into it, filled with a small amount of chocolate ganache, iced with Bailey's Irish Cream infused icing, topped with a Malteser. 

You will need:
1 devil's food cake mix 

3 eggs 

235 ml water 

80ml vegetable oil 

175g or about 3 bags of Maltesers (I have a bucket of them so I just took from that) 

Prepare the cake mix as shown on the box. Use an electric hand mixer to make sure that there are no pockets of dry mixture floating around. This isn't a space cake...though I did have one and it was out of this world. It wasn't in Amsterdam though, sadly. That would have just made it even better. I should get back to Amsterdam, it's been almost 5 years since I was last there. Maybe I should move there and open up my bakery, that would put a real spin on Dan's Delectables now, wouldn't it? 

Once you've got your mixed made, it's time to get a little rough. It's breaking my heart to have to do this to Maltesers but it's needed for the baking arts. I'm also feeling another Sopranos metaphor here. This time pretend you're Tony and you're curb-stomping Cocoa. Remember that? Cocoa was drunk and hit on Meadow, then Tony found out and beat the shit out of him? Such a classic piece of film. So now that we're good and pumped up you're going to need to crush and break up the Maltesers into small chunks. You may need to use a larger bowl. This one actually didn't work out for me and I was getting pissed off when they weren't breaking apart like I wanted, so I put them into a plastic bag and took a meat tenderising hammer to them. It's this neat little wooden boxy thing on a stick. Made me feel really rustic, but in reality, I was beating the shit out of some candy.

Empty your mutilated Malties into the cake batter and stir into it. You will have a bit of a lumpy appearance to the batter once they are stirred in. Don't worry about that. Just like my lover boy, a little bit of cellulite is good. Grease your cupcake tin with shortening or baking spray. Or use the cupcake panties that we usually use. Almost completely fill the tins and the cupcake panties with batter before putting in to bake at 180C for about 20 minutes or until the cupcakes are cooked all the way through. You might need to check in two spots due to the Maltesers chunks in the cupcakes. Don't be fooled just like many are by a hot piece of tail. 

While these little mothers bake up, we can get a bit tipsy and make up our icing. I might to a version using Kaluha but for now, I'm just going to be doing a Bailey's version. Don't like it? Fuck yourself. So if you need a minute to do that, I'll wait before starting in on the icing.  

Everybody ready now? Let's continue. 

You Will Need: 

160 ml Bailey's Irish Cream 

80ml double cream (you can use milk) (double cream is heavy whipping cream)
70g unsweetened baking cocoa powder 

1 1/2 tsp vanilla essence 

120g softened butter 

330g confectioner's sugar 

Cream together your butter and vanilla essence using an electric mixture. Add in your baking cocoa and mix before adding in your Bailey's. Mix together. As you add in your confectioner's sugar, you're going to add in small amounts of the double cream. Icing will be thick so add small amounts as you go making sure that you can blend all of your ingredients. Depending on some cocoa powders, you may need to add a bit more double cream. You want your mixture to be luscious and creamy, just like your lover's hips. Yeah. Use that visual in the kitchen. That's a hell of a motivator.  And on that note, I'm gonna dash off and let this set for 5-10 minutes. Make sure you don't let your cupcakes burn because that simply won't do, especially because of the wonder boy who's inspired them. 

Making a Chocolate Ganache 

I forgot to take photos of this part, but it's simple as can be. Simply follow the instructions below and use the tool I used for icing or one like it to inject a small amount of the ganache into the centre of the cupcake. 

You Will Need
255g bittersweet chocolate chopped

1 tablespoon of dark rum

235ml double cream 

If your chocolate is not chopped or in chunks, you'll need to chop it before hand. Set to the side. In a small or medium saucepan, you're going to heat the double cream over a medium heat. Be careful not to let the cream boil out of the pot. Just as the cream comes to a boil remove from heat and pour over the chocolate in a medium mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly. Stir in rum.
Allow your ganache to cool a bit before placing in an icing bag or icing tool. Using the needle tip or a small tip, poke a small hole into the centre of the cupcake and inject/squeeze in a small amount, careful to not to have the ganache spill out over the top of the cupcake. Repeat until all cupcakes are all impregnated. I couldn't resist that one. How could I not? Filling a hole with warm, sticky chocolate? 

Slowly and sensually pipe the icing around the top of your cupcake in a swift upward motion. Grip that shaft and keep the pressure constant, but not too much. Think of it like giving a handjob. Delicate. Passionate. Lovingly. Ice all of your cupcakes like this. Icing should come out smooth, creamy and easy, just like when you give a good handjob interestingly enough. I didn't even intend that pun. Once all of your cupcakes are iced, top with a Malteser. Make sure to keep any uneaten cupcakes in a cool area but ensure they are nicely wrapped or placed in an airtight tin. You don't want them drying out like an old lady's cunt. 

A nice close up of the cupcakes. I used a star tip, size two I think it said on it, but you can use whatever size you want or tip you want when icing your cupcakes.

You can order your own Filling Injector / Decorating Set here:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/1b3/sourcingmap-Pastry-Icing-Filling-Injector-Decorating-Nozzle/B01E3OLGMY/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1502913848&sr=8-3&keywords=Cupcake+Filling+Injector+Cake+Icing+Decorating+Set

There we have it. The Dan Howell aka danisnotonfire inspired cupcake! I don't think I've ever done a better job with cupcakes and I can't wait to feature it when I get my bakery up and running next year.
Why did I do these? Because he's been a positive and driving force in my existence and I wanted to do something nice for the man who made my entire year when I met him this past spring. Words aren't enough for the kindess he showed me. 

I've got smaller and simpler meals, salads and quick baking things in a series called Quickies with Dan on the Delectables with Dan Facebook page if you wanna check that out. From time to time I will also post them on the Instagram for this series. 

*This is going to be featured in a Delectables with Dan cookbook I'm starting work on, so please if you try it, credit me* 

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