Incredibles: Daniel Goes to Applebees

Before this blog, I had never been to Applebees. Apparently, it's some sort of chainy restaurant thing. I, in my infinite wisdom, decided that it would be a great idea to try out a new edible and head out to eat in search of fun, excitement and something delicious. I was invited out by two friends of mine, so out we went to the restaurant. I really don't know why I thought this was going to be a good idea, but I did. I also thought it was going to be a good idea to try out a new edible. This time I decided to go with an all-new Incredibles' product, the Affogato chocolate bar! It's even got expresso beans. I wonder if it will be an all-new high for me. 
...

It's been over an hour and I still don't feel shit. Maybe this is a dud. Maybe the caffeine affected me differently and didn't give me the high I wanted. Usually, it doesn't take this long for the high to hit me. I hated the taste of it. It tasted like pure coffee grounds to me. Now if they had put fewer expresso beans and went with milk chocolate, it would have probably been fire. I didn't even taste the caramel taste that was supposed to accompany the beans. Goober, Dawn and I decide to go out for dinner. I'm not in the mood to cook, especially after this dud of an edible. I've always had good results with their products. I don't know why it's not affecting me like it usually does. I ate a good amount of the stuff too! We get into the car (no, I'm not driving) 
We're almost at the restaurant when the high hits me. All of a sudden I'm horny and hungry. And there's only one thing I can take care of at this moment. When we get to the restaurant, my mood is elated. There is nothing that can go wrong now. I feel like I've inhaled clouds. (I think that's impossible actually.) I follow Dan and Goober into Applebees. They're veterans of the popular eatery and little innocent me knows nothing of it. We're seated quickly and once I'm safely tucked into a booth I start to giggle. I don't know if it was internally or externally; the two kind of blend for me. The waitress sets down menus and gives us a few minutes to decide on drinks. Oh shit, I'm going to have to talk and control the volume of my voice. This is going to be interesting.

She returns back and I'm dying for the sangria bowl. Or the cup that just looks like a bowl. I tell her that's what I want and of course, I get asked for ID. I slide it across the table so she can take a look before scribbling down my drink order in her little notepad. I don't know how I got it out of me. I'm pretty sure that I yelled at her. Oh shit. I'm going to have to order a meal. Remember Dan, indoor voice. What a strange thing this is. We pay other humans to prepare food for us-prepare energy for us. How are these units measured? Who decided this? I think they pulled it out of their asses. They don't know anything. It doesn't take long for the girl to return with our drinks. I almost instantly take a large sip of the icy cocktail. It's perfection. (Just what I need on top of a massive high, alcohol.) 
I order a massive burger with bacon on it with chips. I need something like that to calm the fire inside. I'm starving. I need to eat something. Dawn gets cheesey pretzels and offers me one. I have to control myself and not tear it apart like an animal. I thank her and take small bites, although, in reality, I could stuff the entire pretzel stick in my mouth. The colours of the restaurant of vibrant and bright. Are they naturally these colours or is it just my brain messing with me again? 

When I sit and think about all the time that has passed since my early teens, my head beings to swim. I can't fathom all that's changed. Being high only magnifies it. I put on some early Good Charolette and let myself sink back into my youth. Ah, the way we perceive youth. It's different from everyone else. And when I least expect it, revelation hits me like a freight train. I'm selfish and narcissistic because I was never loved properly. I don't think I've ever really been loved. I don't love myself, that feels impossible, but I have a certain arrogance about me. It's the knowledge that I have the ability to do whatever I want and feel however I want about it. I can turn the emotion on and off. Everything except the mood swings of highs and lows. That's rather annoying. I need a shower. I need to wash these thoughts out of my head before they start to mess with me again. The smile melts off my face and I realise that I'm not at home, but in public and if I start peeling my clothes off, I might have a problem. 

The waitress comes with our meals and my bubble is burst. The cheese on the burger is oozing down the side. I can smell the salt of the meat. I want to just inhale it all. Behave. It's hard to hold on. I take my time eating it, trying to focus on not freaking out. A dazed smile is etched into the lower half of my face as I continue to suck down the contents of the bowl. Everything has so much more flavour. It's as if a switch has been flipped inside my brain. I basically inhale the burger, but try not to look like a deranged animal whilst in the booth with two mates of mine.  

I'm so baked all I can do is smile. I know that I won't be able to control the volume of my voice. That's damn near impossible. Then I realise that I'm going to have to stand up soon. I can't just lay on my side and sleep the high off here. Shit. I really didn't think this through...And oh my God, I want ice-cream. I start to salivate. My thoughts race around me. Why am I here? Why was I born? Why is THIS my life? Those thoughts I can deal with, I have them often but the thoughts of him are so fucking overwhelming. I want him on my lap. My hands working the soft fluff that pokes out of the waistband of his almost too-small jeans. I want to chew on his neck, all the way down his happy trail. I'd take him right here in this eatery if I was allowed to. DING. Mr Happy makes an appearance. I'm ready for action right here in the middle of a goddamn Applebees. How cruel is that? 

We pay our checks before I can start licking the salt of the plates. I've started to get a mental salt craving. I have to keep all my focus on walking back to the car. I want to crawl as the alcohol mingles with my high, everything seems funnier. I want to stick my head out the window of the car as we drive back to my house. I whoop and cheer deep inside me, feeling the freedom that comes with intoxication. There's nothing like it. I love it. (Does this mean I have a problem??) 

And maybe, just maybe, this is a part of my stomach issues. When I get this high, I'll eat anything. I know that dairy is an issue for me and what do I do? Eat pretty much an entire carton of ice-cream. And then I sit on the toilet wondering why the world is falling out of my ass. Or I'm throwing up like I did during my bulimia days. (Oh, those were the times, hello no more gag reflex!!) 

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An all-new Delectables with Dan 

HexiBoy (Daniel Tries a new Edible)
SpaceBaker (Vicodin High & Cupcakes) 

Favourite Incredible?? 
My Funko Collection!