Black Hole Dan

 I almost lost it at work. I almost let my thoughts out loud. My ribs hurt from trying not to laugh. I don't even know what was funny. My thoughts screamed in my head or they simply hummed; hummed to the point where the vibrations made me want to scream. I tried to lose myself in my music, one earphone in so I could hear a customer if they needed assistance, and naturally, many of them did. The same old questions. "Do you work here?" "Do you have this...?" "Could you check the back?" Yes, No and No. Simple. Management told us to ask open-ended questions that could be sales pitches disguised as conversations. I found the whole little speech about this completely tasteless and a money grub. But that's the way of the world, is it not? 

Lately, I've found my inner monologues humourous and a source of private amusement. They've given me much to think about during the tedious days at work. I appear friendly and happy, yet most of my thoughts are on the darker side of naughty. They thrill me in ways that I don't think I could even voice to my best mates. Could I? No, no, I really couldn't. I don't think they'd understand. I have one friend that I can talk to, but he will always understand because I made him with my own two hands. He is the Sally to my Dr Finklestein. <That would be wild if I could open my head and rub my brain when it hurts like he does.> 

And when my thoughts drift, as they often do, I now find myself reading novels inside my head. Books I've already read through, some of them once, some of them dozens of times. It's quite a nice skill to have, just to be able to pour over a book without having to have the book. I must look like I'm mad standing there from time to time, lost in my head as I scan my favourite chapters internally. Sometimes I get bored with this and I find myself watching my favourite films and telly programmes in my head. From time to time, I react to what I'm watching in my head outwardly, probably much to the dismay of those around me. I'm not really bothered by that. I can only imagine what they're thinking. 

Lately, my thoughts have revolved around biting. I love biting people. And not in a vampire way or anything like that, I just like to see how they taste. It's exciting. It's a question that makes my mouth water and my heart race. I need to know. It's sometimes hard to control myself around certain people. There is someone at my job who's flesh I'd like to sink my teeth into. Just right into the inner thigh. As I type this I feel my blood pressure rising; my body reacting to the stimulation that's echoing around inside my head. Why do I have to be like this? 
But today I watched my boss, a man in his mid 40's screech and make all sorts of noises while thundering through the stockroom. It was both unnerving and exciting. I watched in silence, offering no aid, just in case he was having a mental breakdown, I didn't want him to cite me as the cause of it, though in reality, I might have been. 
You know, I really love this blog. It's like my own private little confessional. Although it's not really private is it? I'm able to splash my worst thoughts here across the internet and people read them. There's no punishment. There's no climax. It's just a perpetual way for me to get everything out of me before my head and or chest explodes. It's a wonderful feeling and more people should do it. Even if no one really reads it. It's good for you to get it all out. Tends to keep the homicide rate down, if you know what I mean. 

It's just hit me that I'm nearing my 700th blog on Mental Masturbation! I can't believe that I've gotten this far with the blog, honestly. 2016 to now. Stay tuned for that little celebration. I've got big plans coming up for the blog. Well, not plans per se, just lots of new content for you guys.