Oreo Boy

I was never that into Oreo cookies, but at the start of this summer, I've been wanting them like nobody's business. I dunno why. It's like an intense craving for them. I saw that they were coming out with a fuck load of new flavours so I decided to try a bunch of them and rate them here on the blog! Obviously, I'm not going to put them all in this one blog, but we'll get through quite a few 

PISTACHIO OREOS 

I was up in Montreal at a Walmart when I saw these and I nearly lost my mind. I am a huge pistachio guy. No way around it, if it's got pistachios in it, I'll probably try it. It honestly surprises me that I don't have a pistachio tattoo yet...now I have to stop writing this and start sketching up ideas, not to mention figure out where I'm gonna stick the little guy.
I've never had a pistachio cookie before. A sin, I know. No, I've had pistachio ice-cream, custard or (in American accent) PUDDING, muffins and cake but never a cookie. I wasn't a big Oreo boy beforehand, always having to drown them in a large glass of almond milk, but I wanted to try this one plain out of the gate. I wanted, no I needed to know if they can stand on their own without milk. I take a deep breath and bite into one. If I had a soul, it would have left my body right then and there. I shit you not, kids. It was magical. I wish I could go back and relive that first bite, again and again, experiencing that flavourgasm over and over. You get a hint of the nut taste, but it's creamy with a bit of anisette? It's not a true pistachio. It's just as good with the almond milk as well. I can't get enough of them and if these turn out to be a limited edition cookie I'm going to be so fucking pissed off. I'm going to have to learn to make them at home just in case they try to fuck me like this.
I do have to wonder who came up with this. Why did they think that pistachio cream would be great filling in a cookie? Why an Oreo-type cookie? Magic. My one complaint? The packages are too small. They need to make bigger ones of these and have not just the thins. Yeah, I'd really like that.

5 Pistachios out of 5 

MARSHMELLOW MOON OREOS 

Since the Moon Landing that Stanly Kubrick directed came out 50 years ago, Oreo is doing a special Moonman marshmallow release cookie. I was hoping they'd still be vegan and they are! I just had to try them and see what they were about; I was drawn to the purple colour of the cookie filling. What can I say? I'm simple in many ways. I'm going to try it with and without the milk. Sometimes the milk changes the flavour, you know? It can't just be me thinking this. Something changes it; that's some chemistry right there.
There is a sweet that almost overpowers the chocolate flavouring of the biscuit. It's sweet, kind of like a marshmallow, but like almost tastes like...purple? I can't really describe it properly. It's the strangest, yet best taste. I was about to say it was one of the best things that I've ever put in my mouth, but I really don't want to make a cock joke or insult some...you know what? Let's just move on with the biscuit.  They need to keep making this flavour, I don't give a fuck what they call it. Rename it, change the colour of the filling to a different shade of purple. I love how there's a little astronaut, a rocket and a little half moon pressed into the biscuit. That's just class.

My rating? 5 Moonmen out of 5

CAMPFIRE LAD

I love s' mores. They're the essence of summer. It's not always easy to find vegan marshmallows that are affordable. Why the fuck do they have to put gelatin in these things? Come on people! That's not real marshmallow in here. I'm curious if the cookie will have an actual graham cracker taste or will it be some kind of strange off vanilla flavour. I wonder if the chocolate flavour will be like the chocolate taste of the chocolate oreo biscuits. I'm thinking too hard. Let's just taste them. And of course, with almond milk and without. You gotta have that contrast. I'm ready for this. I take a bite. It tastes almost exactly like a s'more. Get the fuck outta here! WHAT WITCHCRAFT IS THIS?! I stuff the whole cookie into my mouth. And I have a big mouth. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. I kinda don't even want to try them without the milk. What if they don't taste as good? What if naked ones ruin it for me? I am at a major pass in my life. Nude or not to nude, that is the question. I gotta know. I don't think I can live without knowing. OMFG THEY ARE EVEN BETTER WITH THE MILK. They have a like graham cracker taste, a light marshmallow taste, different from the one from the moon man, this one is more of the traditional flavour and the chocolate is a sweet, but not too sweet chocolate flavour. Almost like a real chocolate bar. It's the best. Then I notice that it says "limited edition" on the package. I can't with this fucking limited edition shit! MAKE THEM NORMAL FLAVOURS! Fuck off with this mega stuffed shit and make these all the time flavours.

My rating? 5 Smores out of 5

I can't wait to try some other flavours and add to this blog series. I've got the red velvet ones coming up next, the latte ones coming up next and maybe the lemon one.