Danny & Pork Chop Go Maple Day 2: Faith & Science Collide
I didn't even think of the implications of this kind of day when I was planning it; I was just thinking of the geographical ease of it. A day of chapels, basilicas and a science museum. Kinda getting some Angels and Demons vibes if I'm honest. I'm in love with religious art, but not religion itself. It's always been a thorn in my side, making me feel like I'm somehow wrong for being myself. Religion has been torture in my life, rather than comfort, but for whatever reason, it doesn't stop me from enjoying the art and architecture it produces.
I wake up early, before dawn. My work schedule has me waking up early and now my body is stuck on this. I wish I could shut this shit off, but I can't so I'm stuck laying watching the first cracks of light illuminate the morning sky. The sky is a pale grey and the air is cool. It's beautiful. I just want to lay in this moment forever, but I'm desperate for a wee. I get up and start the day, loving the hot water against my skin. God, why are showers so intoxicating? I'm too wound up to try and eat something, but I manage to down two small clementines before heading out the door. I step down into the world of the underground. It's so calm under here. Undergrounds are always my favourite part of any city. They provide me with a calm that so few things can. It's quite, often dark and most of the time, cool. Watching the sway of bodies on the trains as they race by is so mesmerising. I wonder who they are. Where they're going. When they're going to die. Okay, that got a bit dark there for a second. Our first stop is Basilique Notre-Dame de Montréal. The Palace d'Arms square is filled with tourists on this bright summer morning. Families hold hands, couples take carriage rides and people are enjoying the sunshine. I feel a deep joy that I haven't had in the longest time; it's a happiness that penetrates down to my bones. I take photos of the area, not wanting the memories to fade with time. That's always my greatest fear; I have a horrible memory and I don't want to lose the things that brought me comfort and managed to hold back the darkness.
I pay for my ticket to the basilica and walk in. It's been 14 years once again since I stood before this alter and not a thing has changed from my memory. The same feelings of awe and wonder cascade over me and run down my legs. I feel so conflicted in this place. This place, it's beauty, reminds me of a world that I desperately wanted to be a part of, wanting to find a place in, yet it reminds me of the turmoil and suffering it caused me. It's like I'm high as I wander through the pews, taking photos of the interior. I feel lost. The world is spinning around me and I wonder what it would be like to actually be high in a place like this. Just get completely fucked up and lay back on the ground, having Jesus watch you, the stained glass illuminate you-then I start to wonder what it would be like to have sex in here. The acoustics would be something otherworldly I think. I think of Puffnstuff and how I want to be able to share this moment with him. I feel a strange mixture of arousal and vulnerability. I picture him, his lips on mine, his hips against mine, the salt of his skin pressing into my burning flesh while Bittersweet Symphony plays.
We move and sway to the rhythm of the song as our hands explore each other's bodies. His soft middles rubbing against my scarred and tattooed one. Falling in love with the contrast. His pale stretch marks taking in the colour of the stained glass that surrounds him. Then I snap back to the moment. I want to cry and I can't put my finger on the exact reason why. I've been having so many doubts lately, but the facts remain. God, why am I tormented in these ways? The flames of the candles remind me of the burning I hold deep within me for him and the love that I held for Anja. I can't love a dead woman. I mean, I could, but you know what I mean. If there is a God, I hope he's listening right now. Why am I like this? My internal struggles that I thought I've put past me as rushing forward, fighting for attention. Memories of Anja in the pale summer sunlight and the sensation of Puffnstuff pressed into me fight for my attention. I'm completely overwhelmed. I need to breathe. Focus on something else. The light of the candles calms me. I wonder why I have to be this way. Why I can't just stop and be normal. I've had these thoughts for the longest time, but they've only started to creep back up since I started making some decisions that are causing me great anxiety. I know they're the right ones, it's just going through the motions, the what-ifs of these motions that have my stomach turning and my palms sweating. I wonder why God, if he's real, would have made me this way, set all the rules and things in opposition to me and my desires. If all of this is a test, I might just break down and cry. I need to get out of here, get back into the sunlight and leave the mysteries of faith inside. Close that box once again.
It's cooler than it was yesterday but still warm. I head down the Latin quarter of the city, taking in the small shops and people surrounding me. I feel this mix of happiness and longing deep within me. I can't wait to come back here when the leaves are turning. Autumn is my favourite time of the year. I don't have that many places on my list, so I decide to take some time for myself, visiting the little shops. I like to get a small keepsake from the places that I visit. I see the cutest little racoon keyring in one of the shops and I have him. $6.00 is a little much, but I don't even care. I want him. I need him. Something in me is crying out for him. I get him and attach him to my rucksack and bounce out of the shop the raccoon and the little red dinosaur swinging in the early summer morning. It feels like something out of a fairy tale. I'm growing into myself, finding a real comfort level.
It's time to head in the opposite direction and venture down to the next place on my list. I'm getting hot, being out in all black in the bright sun. I didn't think this through. Well, fashion is pain. I'm almost to the next place on my list, the Chapelle Notre Dame de Bon Secours when I see the cutest face in the window of a shop. It's a Clafairy with Ditto's face. I fucking need it! I have the Jiggly Puff one for Puffnstuff, but now I can have the other one to match it! (After all, it does have our hair and those vague, empty smiles we're always flashing.) I head into the shop and take a look around. They also have the Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur versions. I want them all, but I know I can only pick one. Clafairy it will be. He's on sale too! (Yes, all of my things tend to be of the male gender; if that's not a subconscious cry out for something, I don't know what it. Maybe I'll explore that later when I have more time.) I tuck him deep into my rucksack and carry on, ready to take on a new place.
I'm excited to visit here after doing some reading about it on the internet. Sometimes I do a little research before I select places to visit. It's far brighter than the basilica. The ceiling has the most gorgeous artwork. I'm tired and I have Tiny Dancer playing in my head for whatever the reason. The beauty of the building is serenading me, sending creative waves through my body. It reminds me of the time that I spend in Paris, sketching, going to museums and churches there. I was a different person then. Funny how time changes things. Tiny Dancer fades into Piano Man and I lay back, letting the music of my childhood fill me and bring me to a place of pure relaxation while I drink in the artwork of the heavens above. Light from the stained glass windows illuminates the entire building. I could lay here forever looking up. It's so calm and peaceful. I know people are wondering why there is a heavily tattooed guy in a black satanic t-shirt and skinny black ripped jeans laying staring up at the ceiling. I'm taking pictures, but also just watching through the eye of the camera. It's strange how the perception is both the same and different at the same time. I just love the calm. I want to just stay here, suspended. My depression hit me in the strangest of times. I shouldn't be feeling like this; just this morning I was on top of the world and now I'm sinking beneath the black waves, wishing for Puffnstuff. What the fuck is wrong with me?
After getting my fill of faith, it's time to head to the Science Centre. It's not a secret that I'm really into science. I've not been to this museum despite being in Montreal so many times before; I guess I just didn't have the extra money or the time the previous visits. It's right on the river. The sun stretches above the pier and families fill it. I feel a longing that I've not really felt before. I want a family here. Part of me wishes I was the child with parents here. My parents never took me to museums of any sort. It was always my nan. On the school trip ones, my mum would sometimes come, but it was always Barb. She took me to the symphony, art galleries, city museums. Sometimes we'd make an afternoon out of it. I find myself missing those innocent times. When I visit these places that are aimed at families, I feel like a child again. My curiosity peeks and I want to see everything the place has to offer. The building is massive. It has the feel of the Santa Monica Pier for some reason. I remember the time I spent there with my friend Jessica; the adventures we took across Southern California. Fuck, that was 4 years ago already. Thankfully, the building is cool.
The Eureka Festival is going on when we visit; I didn't know this was going to be going on, so the place was packed beyond what would be a normal visitor load. There's a special spider exhibit on, showing the stages of life, habitats, reproduction and more. I'm not a big spider guy, but I'm drawn to the exhibit. It's cool and dark inside. I'm liking this so far. They have displays featuring live spiders. (This would be the point where I'd show photos, but my phone was stolen before I could upload them to my drive, so there will be no photos sadly.) I loved laying under some of the displays and watching the spiders move above me. It made me realise just how small I am in comparison to some things; that I appear in the same ways that the spiders do to me.
I venture to the next level of the museum and explore the human body exhibit. It's interesting that so many science museums have human body exhibits and they're all the same, but at the same time different. All of the information is more or less the same, just displayed in a totally different way. Some are very interactive and some aren't. I love the contrast. I'm a contrasting kind of guy. I fool around with some of the setups, testing my strength and body temperature while children run around me. Ah, to be young. These places always make me feel younger than I am; I forget the world of adult responsibilities and just get lost in the moment. I recommend doing that. Even if it's just part of an afternoon. It does wonders for one's mental health.
After all this, I just want to get something fucking cold. I Google 'vegan ice-cream near me' and find a shop about 20 minutes on public transit from me. I can't wait. I scoop up Pork Chop and skip off in search of my frozen non-dairy treat. We head down to Creamerie Meu Meu on Rue St Denis and I order a vegan pistachio gelato. It's amazing. Cool and light. You know me, anything pistachio, I jump on it. There's just something about the balance of salty and sweet. Gets me every time. I sit out in front of the shop with Pork Chop enjoying the yummy. This is my first time have vegan gelato and I have to say it's pretty ace. I didn't quite know what to expect. There are some vegan ice-creams that I don't care for; the taste is so far off, it comes off as phoney and just really unappetising. I'm getting tired, but I want to see a bit more of the city.
After finishing the gelato, we head down the entire length of Rue St Denis, enjoying the setting summer sun. Actually, it's a few hours away from setting, but the feeling is magical. It hardly feels real. Part of me thinks this is a dream. The suicidal feelings from earlier have more or less dissipated and the tired I feel is a good kind. I'm thinking about veggie burgers as I get on the underground to return to the rental. I don't want to stop on the way, I'll have them come to me. God, that sounds lazy, but I've walked close to 18km, so I think I can afford a little junk food.
I'm looking forward to the next day, we're supposed to go to the zoo! I've not been to a Canadian zoo before, so it should be something special. Then the next day Pork Chop & I head to Ottawa for the first time ever. That has me on the verge of exploding. I have no idea what to expect. I'm wanting to have my mind blown.
I wake up early, before dawn. My work schedule has me waking up early and now my body is stuck on this. I wish I could shut this shit off, but I can't so I'm stuck laying watching the first cracks of light illuminate the morning sky. The sky is a pale grey and the air is cool. It's beautiful. I just want to lay in this moment forever, but I'm desperate for a wee. I get up and start the day, loving the hot water against my skin. God, why are showers so intoxicating? I'm too wound up to try and eat something, but I manage to down two small clementines before heading out the door. I step down into the world of the underground. It's so calm under here. Undergrounds are always my favourite part of any city. They provide me with a calm that so few things can. It's quite, often dark and most of the time, cool. Watching the sway of bodies on the trains as they race by is so mesmerising. I wonder who they are. Where they're going. When they're going to die. Okay, that got a bit dark there for a second. Our first stop is Basilique Notre-Dame de Montréal. The Palace d'Arms square is filled with tourists on this bright summer morning. Families hold hands, couples take carriage rides and people are enjoying the sunshine. I feel a deep joy that I haven't had in the longest time; it's a happiness that penetrates down to my bones. I take photos of the area, not wanting the memories to fade with time. That's always my greatest fear; I have a horrible memory and I don't want to lose the things that brought me comfort and managed to hold back the darkness.
It's cooler than it was yesterday but still warm. I head down the Latin quarter of the city, taking in the small shops and people surrounding me. I feel this mix of happiness and longing deep within me. I can't wait to come back here when the leaves are turning. Autumn is my favourite time of the year. I don't have that many places on my list, so I decide to take some time for myself, visiting the little shops. I like to get a small keepsake from the places that I visit. I see the cutest little racoon keyring in one of the shops and I have him. $6.00 is a little much, but I don't even care. I want him. I need him. Something in me is crying out for him. I get him and attach him to my rucksack and bounce out of the shop the raccoon and the little red dinosaur swinging in the early summer morning. It feels like something out of a fairy tale. I'm growing into myself, finding a real comfort level.It's time to head in the opposite direction and venture down to the next place on my list. I'm getting hot, being out in all black in the bright sun. I didn't think this through. Well, fashion is pain. I'm almost to the next place on my list, the Chapelle Notre Dame de Bon Secours when I see the cutest face in the window of a shop. It's a Clafairy with Ditto's face. I fucking need it! I have the Jiggly Puff one for Puffnstuff, but now I can have the other one to match it! (After all, it does have our hair and those vague, empty smiles we're always flashing.) I head into the shop and take a look around. They also have the Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur versions. I want them all, but I know I can only pick one. Clafairy it will be. He's on sale too! (Yes, all of my things tend to be of the male gender; if that's not a subconscious cry out for something, I don't know what it. Maybe I'll explore that later when I have more time.) I tuck him deep into my rucksack and carry on, ready to take on a new place.
I'm excited to visit here after doing some reading about it on the internet. Sometimes I do a little research before I select places to visit. It's far brighter than the basilica. The ceiling has the most gorgeous artwork. I'm tired and I have Tiny Dancer playing in my head for whatever the reason. The beauty of the building is serenading me, sending creative waves through my body. It reminds me of the time that I spend in Paris, sketching, going to museums and churches there. I was a different person then. Funny how time changes things. Tiny Dancer fades into Piano Man and I lay back, letting the music of my childhood fill me and bring me to a place of pure relaxation while I drink in the artwork of the heavens above. Light from the stained glass windows illuminates the entire building. I could lay here forever looking up. It's so calm and peaceful. I know people are wondering why there is a heavily tattooed guy in a black satanic t-shirt and skinny black ripped jeans laying staring up at the ceiling. I'm taking pictures, but also just watching through the eye of the camera. It's strange how the perception is both the same and different at the same time. I just love the calm. I want to just stay here, suspended. My depression hit me in the strangest of times. I shouldn't be feeling like this; just this morning I was on top of the world and now I'm sinking beneath the black waves, wishing for Puffnstuff. What the fuck is wrong with me?After getting my fill of faith, it's time to head to the Science Centre. It's not a secret that I'm really into science. I've not been to this museum despite being in Montreal so many times before; I guess I just didn't have the extra money or the time the previous visits. It's right on the river. The sun stretches above the pier and families fill it. I feel a longing that I've not really felt before. I want a family here. Part of me wishes I was the child with parents here. My parents never took me to museums of any sort. It was always my nan. On the school trip ones, my mum would sometimes come, but it was always Barb. She took me to the symphony, art galleries, city museums. Sometimes we'd make an afternoon out of it. I find myself missing those innocent times. When I visit these places that are aimed at families, I feel like a child again. My curiosity peeks and I want to see everything the place has to offer. The building is massive. It has the feel of the Santa Monica Pier for some reason. I remember the time I spent there with my friend Jessica; the adventures we took across Southern California. Fuck, that was 4 years ago already. Thankfully, the building is cool.
The Eureka Festival is going on when we visit; I didn't know this was going to be going on, so the place was packed beyond what would be a normal visitor load. There's a special spider exhibit on, showing the stages of life, habitats, reproduction and more. I'm not a big spider guy, but I'm drawn to the exhibit. It's cool and dark inside. I'm liking this so far. They have displays featuring live spiders. (This would be the point where I'd show photos, but my phone was stolen before I could upload them to my drive, so there will be no photos sadly.) I loved laying under some of the displays and watching the spiders move above me. It made me realise just how small I am in comparison to some things; that I appear in the same ways that the spiders do to me.
I venture to the next level of the museum and explore the human body exhibit. It's interesting that so many science museums have human body exhibits and they're all the same, but at the same time different. All of the information is more or less the same, just displayed in a totally different way. Some are very interactive and some aren't. I love the contrast. I'm a contrasting kind of guy. I fool around with some of the setups, testing my strength and body temperature while children run around me. Ah, to be young. These places always make me feel younger than I am; I forget the world of adult responsibilities and just get lost in the moment. I recommend doing that. Even if it's just part of an afternoon. It does wonders for one's mental health.
After all this, I just want to get something fucking cold. I Google 'vegan ice-cream near me' and find a shop about 20 minutes on public transit from me. I can't wait. I scoop up Pork Chop and skip off in search of my frozen non-dairy treat. We head down to Creamerie Meu Meu on Rue St Denis and I order a vegan pistachio gelato. It's amazing. Cool and light. You know me, anything pistachio, I jump on it. There's just something about the balance of salty and sweet. Gets me every time. I sit out in front of the shop with Pork Chop enjoying the yummy. This is my first time have vegan gelato and I have to say it's pretty ace. I didn't quite know what to expect. There are some vegan ice-creams that I don't care for; the taste is so far off, it comes off as phoney and just really unappetising. I'm getting tired, but I want to see a bit more of the city.After finishing the gelato, we head down the entire length of Rue St Denis, enjoying the setting summer sun. Actually, it's a few hours away from setting, but the feeling is magical. It hardly feels real. Part of me thinks this is a dream. The suicidal feelings from earlier have more or less dissipated and the tired I feel is a good kind. I'm thinking about veggie burgers as I get on the underground to return to the rental. I don't want to stop on the way, I'll have them come to me. God, that sounds lazy, but I've walked close to 18km, so I think I can afford a little junk food.
I'm looking forward to the next day, we're supposed to go to the zoo! I've not been to a Canadian zoo before, so it should be something special. Then the next day Pork Chop & I head to Ottawa for the first time ever. That has me on the verge of exploding. I have no idea what to expect. I'm wanting to have my mind blown.
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