Last Month & The Future
Hey guys.
I've had some questions as to why like none of the Canadian travel blogs are up, why there really haven't been any new delectables with Dan blogs lately and why I seem to have kind of done quite on the blog. Am I losing interest? Did someone say something negative to me? No, and well, you'll always get someone being a cunt, but no. I'm just tired. And I really wanted to enjoy last month. I started the month pretty much still in the closet. I didn't want anyone to know about my gender situation or my sexuality but, like being out and exploring Canada just gave me a push that I needed. I felt content. I was identifying as my male self out in public on a level that I never had before. The comfort was amazing. People used male pronouns for me and it was just a wonderful experience outside my family that I thought, it's time to stop hiding, stop denying aspects of my life out of shame, guilt or some other kind of fucked up idea. I have every right to be myself. I'm not hurting anyone with it.
I came back from Canada and during an overnight, I told my supervisor not to call me my name, I go by another one. She asked what it was and I told her Dan. I waited a few seconds then told her that I am transgender, I'm pursuing a legal name change and surgery to correct myself. My co-worker who I vibe great with told me not to worry, that I don't have to be afraid that everyone would be accepting. It's just words you know? Like until it happens and you hear, see and feel their responses. She looked like she was going to cry with joy, the congratulated me on coming out to her. She's a few years younger than my mum, so for the first time, a mother-figure in my life was telling me it was alright. That I was accepted. That I was okay. Without knowing it, she gave me what I'd been seeking for the longest time. Then I had to tell my two upper bosses. Both of them were so cool about it. But God was I awkward. I didn't know how to put it into words. I was kind of tongue-tied and pink-cheeked. I knew I had to tell them since I was filling out papers to have my name legally changed and would have to be changing all my work documents, IDs, everything. I gave them an overview of the process I was about to go through, letting them know there may be a few days where I'm a little off or something. They all told me they were proud of me. Getting that new name badge that reflected my name was fucking amazing. People weren't as cruel as they were before. Maybe I've finally found a place.
I wanted to enjoy that. I wanted to reflect on that, focus on the journey at hand. I wanted some time to just live in the moment, enjoy my happiness and travel memories. I wasn't ready to relive them for an audience. Some parts I am going to keep to myself. I really just needed some time to be me. Sometimes with the blog, I don't get that ability. I'm writing for an audience; it's mostly all non-fiction but in the end, it's a part of my job. Stepping away for a little bit was something that I needed. I feel kind of recharged like I won't be stuck in the same creative rut. I needed some time for me. Now I'm getting back on that creative horse, have some new ideas for Happiness & Homicide, my new book Paper Hearts and a new art project. I've got so many things I want to do that I don't know if I can get it all out, but I'm going to try. I feel creative in so many ways. It's an amazing feeling. I've scheduled a little me time this summer in ways that I haven't before. It feels good. I've been to the cinema, have a few other films that I want to see, I'm planning a trip to Cambridge and I'm getting tattooed again.
Rest assured, there will be new Delectables with Dan coming out soon as well as the Canadian Travel blogs! I don't know if I will be blogging aspects of my therapy and transition. I might do, might not. I know there are some parts that I won't be ready to talk about. I hope that readers and followers of this blog can understand this. I've gone through so many changes in the past 6 months, it's hard to believe that the year is only half over. See you guys soon with all new content!
-Dan
I wanted to enjoy that. I wanted to reflect on that, focus on the journey at hand. I wanted some time to just live in the moment, enjoy my happiness and travel memories. I wasn't ready to relive them for an audience. Some parts I am going to keep to myself. I really just needed some time to be me. Sometimes with the blog, I don't get that ability. I'm writing for an audience; it's mostly all non-fiction but in the end, it's a part of my job. Stepping away for a little bit was something that I needed. I feel kind of recharged like I won't be stuck in the same creative rut. I needed some time for me. Now I'm getting back on that creative horse, have some new ideas for Happiness & Homicide, my new book Paper Hearts and a new art project. I've got so many things I want to do that I don't know if I can get it all out, but I'm going to try. I feel creative in so many ways. It's an amazing feeling. I've scheduled a little me time this summer in ways that I haven't before. It feels good. I've been to the cinema, have a few other films that I want to see, I'm planning a trip to Cambridge and I'm getting tattooed again.
Rest assured, there will be new Delectables with Dan coming out soon as well as the Canadian Travel blogs! I don't know if I will be blogging aspects of my therapy and transition. I might do, might not. I know there are some parts that I won't be ready to talk about. I hope that readers and followers of this blog can understand this. I've gone through so many changes in the past 6 months, it's hard to believe that the year is only half over. See you guys soon with all new content!
-Dan
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