Undress Me Fam
Undress Me Fam:
A Mannequin Adventure
It's that special time once again on Mental Masturbation where I discuss a bit about my average-joe job in retail. This actually happened back in late August, but I'd forgotten about it until I saw a note about it on my iPhone while scrolling the other day. I knew that I just had to share it with you guys as we could barely keep from laughing as we struggled with this large plastic woman.
Usually, I don't handle mannequins, being a back room bloke and all-oh God, that sounds like it's a sexual euphemism. I can assure you in this case, it's not. We collect merchandise that's been ordered online from the store and we package it for the customer to either pick up or have shipped to their home. There will be times when the item that we need we no longer have on the floor or in the stockroom because it's either been sold already and our slow-ass system hasn't updated it yet or you guessed it-it's on one of the plastic people. I dunno, I just have always hated mannequins-it's like they're watching you shop. I bet some of them are rigged with cameras, wouldn't surprise me these days because of all the shoplifters around, but it's more than that, they sort of feel evil. It's not the same as a doll fear though, this is just faceless things-SLENDERMAN IS MODELLING THE LATEST VERA WANG. THAT'S IT. I KNEW THE FACE LOOKED FAMILIAR.
I was getting items off the floor when my co-worker who we will call, Alice, asked me to help her get something off one of the plastic women. Some of the mannequins that we have are up on blocks which makes them more difficult to manage, especially if you're a small, ickle girl. I followed her to the misses section of the store to the front where we sell the Vera Wang collection. The dress was clinging to the plastic woman and I knew it was going to be a struggle to remove the garment. While trying to get the arm out of the sleeve one of her arms snaps off. Now, I've never put one of these together, but I do know that they don't have proper ball and socket joints like humans and that not all mannequins are made equal. Some snap in, some are magnetic, some you twist in. I throw the arm on the ground so that I can focus on getting the garment off the broad while Alice holds her, ensuring that I don't knock her over with my brute force. Meanwhile, while I'm struggling to get the dress up over her head customers are here. I think the funniest thing about all of this is that it isn't an after-hours adventure, it's during regular store hours and we're over here like we're filming an episode of Law and Order SVU.
Up and over the head we went with the dress. I make a remark about feeling like a sex offender stood here after wrestling a dress of a plastic woman who doesn't want to take it off. We've overcome with giggles and struggle to keep things professional. Then the other arm comes off her. Now we look like we're in some bizarre amputee porno film. We put the dress to the side and focus on trying to get her arms back on. They don't want to go back into the sockets. I almost knock the plastic woman into the real woman as I struggle to get her arm back on. I realise that they're magnetic and they also twist a bit after about 10 minutes of a struggle. She gets the other arm in and we both giggle over the struggle we just went through. Throughout the entire exchange, I don't remember exactly what they were, but we were cracking jokes about the situation and how stupid we must look.
There probably will be more little updates on the ongoings at work as the holiday season approaches and greed reaches unprecidented levels. I do hope that I get to see a few fights over vibrating knickers and scented lotion. I mean, why else would anybody want this job for anything other than the fights at the mega holiday sales? Until next time.
A Mannequin Adventure
It's that special time once again on Mental Masturbation where I discuss a bit about my average-joe job in retail. This actually happened back in late August, but I'd forgotten about it until I saw a note about it on my iPhone while scrolling the other day. I knew that I just had to share it with you guys as we could barely keep from laughing as we struggled with this large plastic woman.
Usually, I don't handle mannequins, being a back room bloke and all-oh God, that sounds like it's a sexual euphemism. I can assure you in this case, it's not. We collect merchandise that's been ordered online from the store and we package it for the customer to either pick up or have shipped to their home. There will be times when the item that we need we no longer have on the floor or in the stockroom because it's either been sold already and our slow-ass system hasn't updated it yet or you guessed it-it's on one of the plastic people. I dunno, I just have always hated mannequins-it's like they're watching you shop. I bet some of them are rigged with cameras, wouldn't surprise me these days because of all the shoplifters around, but it's more than that, they sort of feel evil. It's not the same as a doll fear though, this is just faceless things-SLENDERMAN IS MODELLING THE LATEST VERA WANG. THAT'S IT. I KNEW THE FACE LOOKED FAMILIAR.
I was getting items off the floor when my co-worker who we will call, Alice, asked me to help her get something off one of the plastic women. Some of the mannequins that we have are up on blocks which makes them more difficult to manage, especially if you're a small, ickle girl. I followed her to the misses section of the store to the front where we sell the Vera Wang collection. The dress was clinging to the plastic woman and I knew it was going to be a struggle to remove the garment. While trying to get the arm out of the sleeve one of her arms snaps off. Now, I've never put one of these together, but I do know that they don't have proper ball and socket joints like humans and that not all mannequins are made equal. Some snap in, some are magnetic, some you twist in. I throw the arm on the ground so that I can focus on getting the garment off the broad while Alice holds her, ensuring that I don't knock her over with my brute force. Meanwhile, while I'm struggling to get the dress up over her head customers are here. I think the funniest thing about all of this is that it isn't an after-hours adventure, it's during regular store hours and we're over here like we're filming an episode of Law and Order SVU.
Up and over the head we went with the dress. I make a remark about feeling like a sex offender stood here after wrestling a dress of a plastic woman who doesn't want to take it off. We've overcome with giggles and struggle to keep things professional. Then the other arm comes off her. Now we look like we're in some bizarre amputee porno film. We put the dress to the side and focus on trying to get her arms back on. They don't want to go back into the sockets. I almost knock the plastic woman into the real woman as I struggle to get her arm back on. I realise that they're magnetic and they also twist a bit after about 10 minutes of a struggle. She gets the other arm in and we both giggle over the struggle we just went through. Throughout the entire exchange, I don't remember exactly what they were, but we were cracking jokes about the situation and how stupid we must look.
There probably will be more little updates on the ongoings at work as the holiday season approaches and greed reaches unprecidented levels. I do hope that I get to see a few fights over vibrating knickers and scented lotion. I mean, why else would anybody want this job for anything other than the fights at the mega holiday sales? Until next time.
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