Broken Mirror

I am the last generation who will know what life was like before technology took over. The ones who come after me will never know a world without cell phones, laptops, advanced health monitoring systems, all the information you could ever want at the touch of a fingertip. It's terrifying. All of their memories will be recorded through a camera lens. We are barrelling towards this dystopian universe and it's frankly terrifying. Sometimes it brings me to full of panic attacks; I just can't handle it. I watch people around me pulled into devices constantly. I know I'm guilty of relying on my phone a lot; everything is in there-it's how I communicate. And I only have myself to blame. I've brought these periods of isolation upon myself as I'm unable to communicate properly. Technology has aided me in becoming more socially awkward, helping me to avoid the situations that bring me discomfort and dilute me into believing there are people behind screens that care for me. This is what I have become. And it's only going to get worse.

The ages of machines marches toward stripping humans of their humanity and turning them into just other faceless, worthless cogs in a machine of complete obedience. We're being forced into a slavery and the majority of the population are too stupid and hypnotised by their gadgets to even realise it. Blinded by the latest shiny gizmo, ignoring the devastation of their societies, their cultures, their race-their species. It boggles my mind that people can be so turned and swayed by a little electronic device. The owners of the human race are trying to distract us while they fuck up everything around us. Souls are sold for the latest fad.

Born only to fulfil someone else's purpose, to serve others without any attention being focused on one's individual needs- the needs of the masses outweigh the need and or desires of the individual. It's horrifying and depressing. Children are being pumped out only to be consumers in a cog of endless green. Nothing feels real anymore. Everything is digital Everything is empty. It's like with each passing year the human race becomes more sterile and boring, aiming to crush individuality and silence those with original things to say. Morinity is celebrated and used as another destruction; so many of these YouTubers and SoundCloud rappers are perfect examples of this. Untalented, yet often somewhat attractive people sent to corrupt the youth for a payday. They think they're smart and savvy and business people, but in reality, they're being used. They're all too stupid and greedy to realise it. I'm laughing at it, but also disgusted. People like me are often ignored or labelled crazy for not wanting to be a sheep, for ignoring the collective of the masses and beating my own tune to dance to. I won't apologise for being me. I have nothing to apologise for.

I guess that's why the story of The Giver always upset me. I read the book as a child and then I saw the film as an adult and that set me on edge. I left the cinema riddled with anxiety like I never have been. I can sit through any horror film-rape, torture, the worst of human behaviours and I'm fine, excited even but being stripped of my individuality and freedoms and it freaks me out.  The fear of living a completely sterile life, free of the things that make me who I am is suffocating. It feels like there is nothing I can do to change the state of things. The Giver gave me panic attacks like nothing else. I still can't watch the film without that 'I can't breathe'feeling in my chest. My head swims and I just want to scream. It's a panic like no other. I've always been an odd sort of guy and this just encases that fact. Even mentioning it here is souring my stomach; it's bringing back images of the film, the book, the white, the chaos.
I guess The Giver scares me because I know I wouldn't be one of the people who they allow to live. They were killing all those babies that didn't fit their idea of perfect children. I'm not perfect, I have illnesses, I don't follow I don't fit the mould of a human, I'm barely even a human. It's not just the idea of my freedom being taken away against my will, it's my life being taken away against my will. All of that just weighs too heavily on me. I think the book was a fucking warning and people are just ignoring it. They all think "They wouldn't do that to me, I'm perfect. Or the other popular notion, 'I can buy my way out of this." No, there is no buying, there is no perfection. Both ideas are bullshit concepts. Fads that people have bought into in the pathetic attempt to make them law and order. They're not! They're not! And now I'm starting to sound like the crazy asshole who shot John Lennon. Maybe I am a crazy asshole.

 Everything is rushing forward and I'm powerless to stop it. I feel like no matter what I say no one will hear it because no one wants to hear it. They don't want to have to think. They all want to just ease the workload and just exist. Why make trouble when we can just sit here scratching our asses and watching Dr Phil with no effort? I can see the appeal, not the Dr Phil bit, but the sitting on our asses thing. I don't want to be like that. I just need to do something. I need to think. Thoughts drive me. without my thoughts I am nothing. I dunno, man. These are the things that I start to think about and then my little bit of will to live diminishes. It's the simplicity I miss. I miss the freedoms that I loved. I want them back. I can't fucking let go of them. I know, logically, that I need to but I'm not ready to yet. 

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