TransStyle
Style.
Our styles.
The thing that makes us unique.
It's a way to express our personalities, interests, passions, even our gender and gender identities.
From a young age, the separation between the two biological genders and their roles in society are drilled into our heads. Women wear skirts and heels. Men wear ties and loafers. And never the two shall meet, right?
Sometimes I think that people will see me as less of a trans person if I were to wear platformed sneakers or wear lipgloss. I don't always like these things, but sometimes I'd like to feel okay in having the option to utilise these things in my self-expression. I panic that people would see me as less trans and call me fake or won't take me seriously. I want to be comfortable in myself and be able to be me without a fear of being invalidated in other areas. I think it stems from how I was raised. Everything has its place. Ridgid rules. You don't express outside the gender norm. You don't express yourself at all really. There was always the fear of punishment or humiliation for said expression. I was raised in a very split gender environment. Girls were girls. And boys were boys. Genderised behaviour was very common in the house, especially as I grew older. As a child, I was allowed to be a tomboy but I was still expected to behave "like a girl". What is that really, anyway? I feel that there are so many behaviours segregated by gender that really don't need to be. People should be able to explore clothing, hobbies and careers without a gender barrier. Most of the behaviours we see are learned by those around us; our homes, communities and societies. We grow to develop a concept of gender expression based on what we're exposed to as we grow and develop. We learn a sense of what is right and what is wrong. There is no right or wrong when it comes to gender identity and gender expression. I think more children would have fewer mental health issues if the ideas of gender identity and expression weren't so rigid in so many societies.
Sometimes I struggle with how I want to present myself. I want to sometimes wear a lipgloss or an eyeshadow, but then I become self-concious about it. I don't want to risk my trans identity. It's not all that I am though, it's just something that I happen to be. I don't want being transgender being my label or my identity, the same way I don't want my bipolar disorder to. I feel like it's a fine line, never knowing which aspect of me is okay to express. While I know I am male on the inside and not on the outside, I don't think that my biological gender really influences how I want to express myself. When it comes to things I like, in many ways I'm genderfluid. I'm drawn to mainly male ideas, fashion and expressions, but sometimes I prefer female ideas. I want to be able to express myself with whatever feels right at the time. Sometimes I want to wear leggings and other times I want to wear baggy jeans. I experience a lot of changes in how I want to express what I'm feeling.
Before I came out as trans, I used gothic make-up as a way to express some of the depressive feelings inside. My make-up styles were a way to also keep people at bay; it was a way for me to hide while validating some of the emotions inside. When I came out as trans, I stopped wearing make-up. I felt self-concious about it. It felt like it wasn't right. Lately, I've been wanting to explore some of the gothic fashion trends again, not as extreme as I did before, but I want to look different. I don't want to be boring and normal, even within the trans community. I want to be something special, not just a run of the mill person. I want my styles to influence my individuality, not my biological gender or gender identity. I want to explore different body modifications, styles of tattooing, piercings as well. I have been for a while but pulled back and I'm not really sure why. I want to be something special; I guess I lost a bit of that flame in the seriousness of my depression. I'm wanting to try again. I see others being successful with it; happier and more content in themselves while doing it and I want that.
I'm liking that gender norms are changing and evolving. It's becoming more socially acceptable for men to wear make-up or leggings. It's freeing to me as a transgender male, wanting to be able to express all the aspects of myself, to have these options. I don't know why I've decided to really start speaking about these kinds of things, but it feels good. It's another drawer of my thoughts being opened and it kinda makes me feel more focused I guess? My thoughts were swirling as I wrote this blog, so parts of it may not be what I want them to be, but I can always write another as I explore fashion and self-expression.
Sometimes I struggle with how I want to present myself. I want to sometimes wear a lipgloss or an eyeshadow, but then I become self-concious about it. I don't want to risk my trans identity. It's not all that I am though, it's just something that I happen to be. I don't want being transgender being my label or my identity, the same way I don't want my bipolar disorder to. I feel like it's a fine line, never knowing which aspect of me is okay to express. While I know I am male on the inside and not on the outside, I don't think that my biological gender really influences how I want to express myself. When it comes to things I like, in many ways I'm genderfluid. I'm drawn to mainly male ideas, fashion and expressions, but sometimes I prefer female ideas. I want to be able to express myself with whatever feels right at the time. Sometimes I want to wear leggings and other times I want to wear baggy jeans. I experience a lot of changes in how I want to express what I'm feeling.
Before I came out as trans, I used gothic make-up as a way to express some of the depressive feelings inside. My make-up styles were a way to also keep people at bay; it was a way for me to hide while validating some of the emotions inside. When I came out as trans, I stopped wearing make-up. I felt self-concious about it. It felt like it wasn't right. Lately, I've been wanting to explore some of the gothic fashion trends again, not as extreme as I did before, but I want to look different. I don't want to be boring and normal, even within the trans community. I want to be something special, not just a run of the mill person. I want my styles to influence my individuality, not my biological gender or gender identity. I want to explore different body modifications, styles of tattooing, piercings as well. I have been for a while but pulled back and I'm not really sure why. I want to be something special; I guess I lost a bit of that flame in the seriousness of my depression. I'm wanting to try again. I see others being successful with it; happier and more content in themselves while doing it and I want that.
I'm liking that gender norms are changing and evolving. It's becoming more socially acceptable for men to wear make-up or leggings. It's freeing to me as a transgender male, wanting to be able to express all the aspects of myself, to have these options. I don't know why I've decided to really start speaking about these kinds of things, but it feels good. It's another drawer of my thoughts being opened and it kinda makes me feel more focused I guess? My thoughts were swirling as I wrote this blog, so parts of it may not be what I want them to be, but I can always write another as I explore fashion and self-expression.
Comments
Post a Comment