Danny vs Apple: Rise of the iPhone
It seems that one again I find myself in the Apple Chat support box and trying to keep my blood pressure under control before I have a stroke. When I've got blood pressure out of the danger zone and I'm able to share the harrowing tale of my second service incident with Apple back in December of last year, I'll post that here. They could hire Rhesus monkeys to work there and a more quality level of service would most likely be provided. I should really take a beta blocker before I get on chat with these people.
My iPhone 6 Plus has been acting up since last October, no late September. It was the touchscreen. It didn't want to always work or sometimes it wouldn't respond at all. I went to Apple with it before and it worked so they're like "Oh, it must have sorted itself out with an update." Right. It was working alright for a few weeks so I didn't think much about it until the screen started completely freezing. What? There I was trying to mas-I mean, read an important email and the fucking screen totally became unresponsive! It was like the phone was having a stroke or something. I wanted to see if they would exchange it for a new one of the same model or would let me turn it in for cash toward a new iPhone. I used their dumbass site (which I've linked below) and I had to enter my serial number to get a proper estimate. So I entered the serial number and it told me that it couldn't find it and to contact support. Fucking hell. So I went through the annoying rigamarole and selected the chat option.
The stupid little window opens and it's annoying happy and just as annoying unattractive staff photo of support pop up and the wait time appeared underneath. After waiting for what felt like an eternity, "You are now chatting with Joey" popped up. I was in an okay enough mood. "Let me review your issue." After a few minutes, I get back "Why don't you tell me why you're chatting to me today?" Why the fuck don't they ever actually do that? I put in the reason for the chat each time, but always have to explain it again once one of these arseholes link up. I explained that I'm looking to see if I can exchange my iPhone, that the system couldn't find my serial number and I wanted to know if there was a problem with the phone purchase or the system. "Oh, that's too bad." I feel like crawling through the screen and bitch smacking this twat. "What can you do for me?" "I can give you the link to see if you're able to trade in." "I was already there. I used the link and they couldn't find the fucking number." "Well, you can take your phone to any Apple store near you and have them look at it." "Can you have a look to see if there are any appointments? You'd think they're giving shit away at the Apple store closest to me. Rain or shine, even a bloody hurricane, the place is packed like a 1920's speakeasy."
"Sure, I can have a look and see...Oh, it looks like they're all booked up until next Monday." "Well, I can't wait that long. I'm kind of leaving and need a working device." "You could go there and see." "Right, so I've got to go all the way there with no guarantee?" "You could buy a new phone while you're there." "So you want me to fucking shell out for a brand new, overpriced thing that will probably amount to a piece of shit? And yes, I know that is hypocritical because of how badly I want a new device and how I'm here talking to you, but the materialistic queen in me demands it, but that doesn't mean that I'm about to pay full price for it. Thanks, but fuck cooperate greed."
Yes, I admit this is more of my more tame interactions with Apple, but it doesn't stop there. Unsatisfied with the results and my need for a new device driving me, I drove to the Apple store and to my great surprise, it was basically empty. I guess they weren't all booked up like that lying little cunt said. "Guess you fuckers are free." I say walking into the shop, spotting the first hipster douchebag with an employee shirt. For the record, all Apple employees except this one bloke I'm friends with, are hipster douchebags. It's just their race. So if you apply for a job there and don't get it, don't feel bad; it simply means that you are not a douchebag. "I'd like to buy a new iPhone 7 Plus, but see if I can trade this sucker in for a discount on it." I pull out my phone. "Alright, we'll set you up right over here." A pressed and anxious faced man about my age appears at my elbow. "How can I help you?" "I want to see if I can trade this in, the stupid website couldn't find the goddamn serial number, so hopefully you people can." "We can give you £100 for it." What the fuck? That's it? That's like £50 off what I should be getting. "Sure, whatever yeah." He scanned the number into his little device and found it. "Yeah, sure whatever, let's go. I'd like the 7 Plus in black." "Matte or sleek?" "Is there really a fuckin difference? Black is black. I'm gonna put a case on it anyway." "Righto, Matt it is! I'm going to run to the back to make sure that we have one and be right out with it."
While he's gone I think about all the good times I had with the phone. I think of Chubb, the memories, the first meeting, all the adventures, the blood, the vomit. He comes back after about 10 minutes. "Sorry, the computer inventory didn't-" "Same shit, different day. I want to keep the phone. I can't let it go." I can't tell him the real reason. "I want to have a back up just in case, you know? Especially cause I'm going on tour." "Totally get you, I can void that. You'll be paying full price, you know." "Yeah, kinda got that." "Cash or card or-?" I pull out a wad of banknotes. "Cash." I count out what I owe him and hand him them with a smug smile on my face. "Where'd you get all that?" "From your mother's fuckin nightstand after I was done giving her an Irish facial." He looks at me stunned as he hands back my change. "Have a great tour...You're funny." "Cheers."
Look Up Your Trade Up Here: https://www.apple.com/uk/iphone/trade-up/
LINKS
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/anjathesickboy/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/darkdreamingdan
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darkdreamingdaniel/
**Twitter is being a cocksucker and won't unlock my account; I've been trying to talk to them for a week and still I'm being shit on. But there are my Delectables with Dan account you can check out if you wanna follow me there.**
My iPhone 6 Plus has been acting up since last October, no late September. It was the touchscreen. It didn't want to always work or sometimes it wouldn't respond at all. I went to Apple with it before and it worked so they're like "Oh, it must have sorted itself out with an update." Right. It was working alright for a few weeks so I didn't think much about it until the screen started completely freezing. What? There I was trying to mas-I mean, read an important email and the fucking screen totally became unresponsive! It was like the phone was having a stroke or something. I wanted to see if they would exchange it for a new one of the same model or would let me turn it in for cash toward a new iPhone. I used their dumbass site (which I've linked below) and I had to enter my serial number to get a proper estimate. So I entered the serial number and it told me that it couldn't find it and to contact support. Fucking hell. So I went through the annoying rigamarole and selected the chat option.
The stupid little window opens and it's annoying happy and just as annoying unattractive staff photo of support pop up and the wait time appeared underneath. After waiting for what felt like an eternity, "You are now chatting with Joey" popped up. I was in an okay enough mood. "Let me review your issue." After a few minutes, I get back "Why don't you tell me why you're chatting to me today?" Why the fuck don't they ever actually do that? I put in the reason for the chat each time, but always have to explain it again once one of these arseholes link up. I explained that I'm looking to see if I can exchange my iPhone, that the system couldn't find my serial number and I wanted to know if there was a problem with the phone purchase or the system. "Oh, that's too bad." I feel like crawling through the screen and bitch smacking this twat. "What can you do for me?" "I can give you the link to see if you're able to trade in." "I was already there. I used the link and they couldn't find the fucking number." "Well, you can take your phone to any Apple store near you and have them look at it." "Can you have a look to see if there are any appointments? You'd think they're giving shit away at the Apple store closest to me. Rain or shine, even a bloody hurricane, the place is packed like a 1920's speakeasy."
"Sure, I can have a look and see...Oh, it looks like they're all booked up until next Monday." "Well, I can't wait that long. I'm kind of leaving and need a working device." "You could go there and see." "Right, so I've got to go all the way there with no guarantee?" "You could buy a new phone while you're there." "So you want me to fucking shell out for a brand new, overpriced thing that will probably amount to a piece of shit? And yes, I know that is hypocritical because of how badly I want a new device and how I'm here talking to you, but the materialistic queen in me demands it, but that doesn't mean that I'm about to pay full price for it. Thanks, but fuck cooperate greed."
Yes, I admit this is more of my more tame interactions with Apple, but it doesn't stop there. Unsatisfied with the results and my need for a new device driving me, I drove to the Apple store and to my great surprise, it was basically empty. I guess they weren't all booked up like that lying little cunt said. "Guess you fuckers are free." I say walking into the shop, spotting the first hipster douchebag with an employee shirt. For the record, all Apple employees except this one bloke I'm friends with, are hipster douchebags. It's just their race. So if you apply for a job there and don't get it, don't feel bad; it simply means that you are not a douchebag. "I'd like to buy a new iPhone 7 Plus, but see if I can trade this sucker in for a discount on it." I pull out my phone. "Alright, we'll set you up right over here." A pressed and anxious faced man about my age appears at my elbow. "How can I help you?" "I want to see if I can trade this in, the stupid website couldn't find the goddamn serial number, so hopefully you people can." "We can give you £100 for it." What the fuck? That's it? That's like £50 off what I should be getting. "Sure, whatever yeah." He scanned the number into his little device and found it. "Yeah, sure whatever, let's go. I'd like the 7 Plus in black." "Matte or sleek?" "Is there really a fuckin difference? Black is black. I'm gonna put a case on it anyway." "Righto, Matt it is! I'm going to run to the back to make sure that we have one and be right out with it."
While he's gone I think about all the good times I had with the phone. I think of Chubb, the memories, the first meeting, all the adventures, the blood, the vomit. He comes back after about 10 minutes. "Sorry, the computer inventory didn't-" "Same shit, different day. I want to keep the phone. I can't let it go." I can't tell him the real reason. "I want to have a back up just in case, you know? Especially cause I'm going on tour." "Totally get you, I can void that. You'll be paying full price, you know." "Yeah, kinda got that." "Cash or card or-?" I pull out a wad of banknotes. "Cash." I count out what I owe him and hand him them with a smug smile on my face. "Where'd you get all that?" "From your mother's fuckin nightstand after I was done giving her an Irish facial." He looks at me stunned as he hands back my change. "Have a great tour...You're funny." "Cheers."
Look Up Your Trade Up Here: https://www.apple.com/uk/iphone/trade-up/
LINKS
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/anjathesickboy/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/darkdreamingdan
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darkdreamingdaniel/
**Twitter is being a cocksucker and won't unlock my account; I've been trying to talk to them for a week and still I'm being shit on. But there are my Delectables with Dan account you can check out if you wanna follow me there.**
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