Mr Monopoly

Okay, so I don't have a white moustache, a black top hat or a neat monocle, but I couldn't think of a better title for this piece and it seemed to fit it, so that's what I went with. Oh, Jesus Christ, you guys remember that blog where I was high and I drew a moustache and monocle on my face with a Sharpie? Oh, what a time that was. Anyway, let's get down to the blog I set out to write. 

I'm a pretty nice guy. Maybe too much of a nice guy. Sure, I can be a smart-mouthed dick and can be vulgar, vial and flat out cruel with some of the things I say to people, but for the most part, I'm a nice person. Always there to help, to lend a hand, to try and do the right thing. It seems that every time I do, I end up more fucked than ever before. I don't know how these fucking scumbags find me. I must have a fucking neon sign glowing over my head that attracts them. I can't for the life of me understand it. I must be fucking cursed or something.

I made the mistake of, once again, loaning money to someone who I thought was my friend.

Knowing this cunt, she'll see this and try and sue me. Saying I wronged her or threatened her. I've been nice up until now. I've been patient and understanding. Not anymore. We've had one discussion about it before, but the other day was just the final fucking straw. She actually had the balls to say I threatened her when I said: "I'll get my money one way or another." Yeah, meaning she fucking pays me what she owes me or I take her fat ass to court. But, being white trash like she is, she assumes I'm going to jump her in the shadows. I don't hit women unless they're really asking for it and I've exhausted all possibilities. I admit, sometimes it's hard to keep my temper in check. Part of me really does want to beat the life out of her right in from of Jesus. But I won't because the logical side of me knows that she isn't worth going to prison for. There's only one thot I'd go to prison for and he's called Puffin.

I really thought have known better. I had the same issue with her ex-boyfriend and all-around piece of shit human being. Nothing is ever enough for these fucking people. I worked my ass off to earn money and I helped them when they were skint; when they both were unemployed. Buying dog food, watching the dog, paying for uber rides, things they wanted. I tried so hard to be a good friend, that I actually was hurting myself. She did pay back about 40.00, maybe 50.00 of what I've lent her. I've acknowledged it and written it down so I wouldn't ask for more than what she borrowed. She could have paid me back 10 fold if she buckled down and paid me instead of buying Funko Pops, Pot and other stupid shit she really didn't need. She took my kindness and rammed it up my ass and then has the goddamn gall to turn around and tell me that I'm a piece of shit for asking for it and that I've lied about things. Of course, I've lied. I don't like going to her fucking house and I've told her why. She couldn't respect that. She didn't even have the human decency to come and check on me, just borrow my Lyft app and go get fucked by some random guy on the internet following a breakdown. I realised that night that she wasn't a true friend and she was just using me. I was nothing more than a gravy train to this bitch.

I'm in pain. My kidneys hurt and my mental health hasn't been that great and she just keeps pushing. Now that I'm less stressed about having to deal with her bullshit and drama, I'm starting to get a little better. Will my kidneys ever be 100% again? No. And that is my own fault. I hurt them in an overdose. Of course, I wanted to lie down and not go hang out. I wanted to relax, get high and not think about anything at all. (But you all know how my highs get.) A real friend would have understood this. A real friend wouldn't keep pushing me to pay 200.00 for a medical marijuana card so she could use it too. Let's be real, she is too cheap and lazy to spend the money herself and get one. She wanted me to once again be her fucking ATM and foot the bill for that so she could have a good time. I didn't want to be mean and outright tell her no the first few times, so I made excuses. I did fill out the paperwork and gave it to my GP, I just told him to wait on it. I'm not all that bothered about having the medical card, but she was. every so often she'd bring it up, wanting to know about it. That should have been another hint, but I ignored it until the day I snapped and told her she can get her fucking own. I don't want to pay for something else so she can use it too. I think she's gotten enough freebies from me.

And despite all this, she still asked me to come over and install new locks on her doors, fix her oven and a bunch of other shit. What, she couldn't ask the random dudes shes's been fucking to come lend a hand? They can't earn their pussy? 4 dudes in a few months and then she wonders why I call her the town bike. She's cheap trash who will never amount to anything. Oh, and who paid for the pregnancy tests? Not the potential baby daddies. This motherfucker right here. And then people wonder why I'm developing a nasty attitude and am being selfish more. People like this who abuse my friendship. People who abuse my kindness.

I'm not saying that I've been a perfect person or a perfect friend because there are times when I've been a shit human being and friend. You can ask Winkles about my temper tantrums and outbursts. She knows I'm sick and I try my best. I have serious issues and she tries to work with me too. Despite my bullshit and musical numbers, she still wants me around. And I know there is a great possibility that one day she won't. And it hurts. I keep trying to make friends, to have people in my life that do love and care for me, but it just seems to blow up in my face. Puff and Phil don't count because they're another story altogether. Maybe one day far, FAR, in the future I'll be able to drop a blog on that minefield of laughter, comedy, drama, depression and insanity.