Happiness & Homicide: Nick's Visit

“Oh, and Phil?” He turns to face me. “What?””Dream a little dream of me.” I blow a kiss at him and turn my attention to my meal tray.

…

I’m enjoying rattling Phil. He wasn’t expecting that kiss. I wonder how often it’s been on his mind. I start to unpeel my orange when there’s a knock on my door. I look through the window in the cell and see Nick there wearing a giant grin. I hope he’s not gotten laid because the thought of him trying to perform any sex act is enough to make me want to vomit. Though, I might choke on the vomit and die, which might be nice. “What do you want, Nick?” “It can wait until I get inside! I have a guard coming to let me in. I was so excited that I just ran a bit ahead!” Chucky comes up behind Nick holding a large key ring. “Mr Humphrey, you can’t run ahead. He’s a dangerous inmate.” Nick laughs. “I lived with him for like a decade and I’ve known him my whole life. He won’t hurt me.” “That’s what everybody says until someone they thought was their friend and or loved one kills them.” Nick looks puzzled. “How would they say anything if they’re dead?” Chucky rolls his eyes. “Its a figure of speech. If you want him to kill you, who am I to stop you? I just don’t want the sick fuck enjoying himself.” He raps on my door before opening the slot in the door for me to put my wrists through. “Oh Chucky, you know how to make a man blush.” “Shut the fuck up Kana.” Nick cuts in before we can start a verbal fight. “Does he really need to be cuffed?” “It’s standard procedure.” “But, that psychologist guy who comes here talks to him uncuffed.” “He’s with the government, he knows the risks that come along with his assignment.” “And I don’t?” Nick’s ears turn red. “Nickie, let it go. You know how good silver looks on me, anyway.” I wink at him and slide my hands through the slot. 

The handcuffs lock around my wrists and I pull my hands out of the slot. “Cheers, Chucky.” He unlocks the door and informs Nick how to use the panic button he hands him. Fucking panic button. The idea is laughable. They shut Nick in with me and I wave at Chucky through the plexiglass window in the cell wall. “That guy is an asshole.” I shrug. “I know. He doesn’t know that I know his sister.” “How the hell do you know her? Then again, you’re like omnipresent and seem to have this spooky mystical knowledge about things and know everyone.” I pat Nick on the shoulder. “It’s great to see you too.”  He looks around the room. “They sure let you get away with a lot here.” I shrug. “Eh, it’s alright.” “Wil, it’s nicer than the apartment I live in.” “Looks like you might need to examine your life choices mate.” Nick turns a pale shade of purple. “You’re in fucking prison, you jack off!” I take out a pack of cigarettes. “And I’m still living higher on the hog than you. Like I said, take a look at your life choices.” “Oh fuck you.” “I already had a conjugal visit this week, but I can pencil you in for next week if you’ve got the time.” I smirk at him and light my cigarette. 

“As much as I’d love to indulge you, I don’t have the time. I work for a living.” “I work too.” Nick pulls up a seat next to the bed. “I heard about what you’re doing in here. Helping the authorities? Whats the angle?” I offer him a cigarette but he turns it down. “I give them a little food for thought. Give them different avenues to look down.” “So you’re fucking with them?” “No, not really.” “Who’s this Phil guy? You mentioned him on the phone when I called the other day.” “Oh, he’s the guy I’m working with. He’s kinda geeky, but a good egg.” Nick’s ears glow light pink. “What’s this? Nickie, are you jealous?” “No.” He grumbles. “You have nothing to be jealous of. He’s a work friend, that’s all.” “Uh-huh.” I take a long drag on my cigarette. “Nick, you sound like a jealous husband!” “I do not!” “Oh don’t worry, all we do is talk shop and occasionally fanboy over our love for Oasis and The Steve Miller Band.” Nick takes a swing at me. “Take that the fuck back!” “I get my lovin’ on the run.” I sing at him. “You’re gonna get a kick up the arse talking to me like that.” “I’m a lover, I’m a sinner.” “You got that last part right!” Nick crosses his arms and sits staring at me like an angry Cabbage Patch Doll. “So we talk about other shit besides work, you and I did.” “That’s because we were friends before bandmates!” “Nick, relax. We’re not about to buy a nice townhouse in the city, adopt a corgi and breed racing llamas together. I’m incarcerated and will never leave these walls unless it’s in a body bag.” “Don’t say that.” He whispers, his voice trembling. “What? It’s true. I’m a lifer, mate.” I put my cigarette out and stand up. “Where are you going?” I walk across the room, pick up my guitar and start strumming the intro to Nirvana’s In Bloom. “I can’t believe they let you have that in here.” “The warden is a fan.” Nick shakes his head. “I’m not even close to being surprised by this.” 

“You know the other day, I was watching The End of the Fucking World on the telly.” “Oh yeah? Why does it sound like something you’ve penned?” I ignore him, turn up the volume and play the same chords, but angrier. “As much as I love Kurt, Dave’s a better frontman. He’s got so much energy, not mention he’s a fuckin beast on the guitar in addition to drums.” “Are you trying to tell me that you have an interest in Dave Grohl?” “Very much so.” “Why can’t you just come out and say shit! Why does it always have to be a fucking IQ test with you?!” “I did this time.” I switch songs and began playing You Know You’re Right. “Playing what you believe to be your theme tune are we?” “I’m impressed you picked up on the song.” “I’m not completely useless as you’d like to think.” “No one has ever thought you useless. Well, I have to be going.” I stop playing and look up at him. “What do you mean?” “Well, it’s a 2 hours drive back to London without the traffic factor.” “So, you can only stay a half hour because you’re unwilling to sit in a little bit of traffic.” “It’s traffic, then I have to cook and be up for work at 7am!” “Oh, petrol station attendant, real fucking job!” “You’re in prison!” “And still doing more than you’ve ever done!” I scream at him and throw down the guitar. Nick, sensing danger quickly says, “Well, I can stay a bit longer, but not much.” I smile and Nick hangs his head. “All this time and you still manage to bend me over and root me up the arse.” “That’s what friendship is, Nick.”