Get Your Socks Out For The Lads
The other day whilst at work, I was minding my own business, re-shelving unwanted items. Now usually, I'm not one to make small talk with the customers. I'm still not sure where everything is yet and I don't want to muck up too much. BUT! I was in the men's department when I was captured by a customer in need. "You work here?" "No, I'm wearing this name tag as a fashion statement. It's all the rage outta Milan." I look over at the guy to see that his arms are filled with packages of socks. "Oh." "No, I do work here. I don't work in this department, but perhaps I'll be able to assist you." "I need some socks." Upon hearing this, I do 'The Office' look before asking him what kind of socks he was looking for. "Brown ones." "Well, let's have a look and see if we can find some for ya."
He follows me over to the men's "unmentionables" because apparently that's what they're called; I've never understood that. How can a piece of clothing that nearly every person on the planet utilises be unmentionable? "I want them in beige or brown." "Okay." "I like to hunt. I spend a lot of time in the woods, I like to watch the animals and the ladies. I like to blend in." "You don't say?" "Yes! I'm bipolar." "I could tell." He moved closer and loomed down over me, as I was checking for the short beige socks he was demanding I find. "We don't have those in beige, just black." "What the hell happened to all the beige socks? What the fuck's with all the white socks?! I work outside for a living and I get covered in shit all the time and I can't wear white socks! You wear them once and then they're ruined! They're done!" "It's those businessmen. Those Brooksbrothers." "I hate them." "Same."
The rant about the hatred of white socks, why would they make them and how they are completely useless to humanity went on for about 10 minutes. It felt a lot longer but despite enjoying the exchange with a fellow unmedicated bipolar individual, scouring the landscape in truth of fun, adventure and decent socks, I just wanted to give him some socks and continue with my task. I wanted to get it all done quickly. Clearing out the 500 room and restocking everything can be a daunting task, but overall, not that difficult. For the most part, it's mindless. In the end, he did buy 5 packages of the darker socks, waving cheerfully as he headed towards the till. I don't know what the guy really wanted from me or why he thought I was all knowing in the sock department but it was alright. People have been coming up to me a lot the past few days. I have no idea why. They all ask me to assist them in finding something, give a suggestion or get them something. I'm baffled by it.
But sock man couldn't hold a candle in the fuckin nutter department when it comes to posh woman. I knew I was in for trouble when an old woman with the "I want to speak to the manager haircut" huffed over to me and asked, "DO YOU WORK HERE?" She basically screamed it at me. I knew when she saw me I was going to regret this exchange, but I politely said "Yes." I was fetching order items from deep in the lingerie department when she snared me. (Maybe this is a sign that I should avoid both of the underpants departments.) "How may I assist you?" "My sister just had surgery and I'm looking for something flowy." "Well, you want something that's flowy, but won't also risk tearing the sutures out. Some materials can rub and iterate the wound and the sutures, which increases the risk of infection, especially in the summer heat." "Yeah, right. Do you have anything like that?" She looked at me like I was stupid. "I don't believe some of the dresses that are flowy, not cling to the body would allow air. The skin needs air to disperse the moisture and decrease the risk of infection, however, since you mentioned it was an abdominal infection that she had and is on bed rest, I'd suggest something similar to a nightgown. There are several of them that are a cotton blend which are lightweight, do not cling and allow for ventilation of the skin." She stared at me as if I had 10 heads. "Where would I find them?"
Now I've been asked a lot of stupid in my time, but this had to be one of them that were up there. "Lingerie." "Oh, well where is that?" I felt like I was on an episode of Punk'd for a minute and half expected Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind the lace thongs and screamed: "Punk'd!" and hand me some sort of funny hat. It didn't happen. "Excuse me, I asked you where I would find them!" She screamed at me and it took every fibre of my being not to call her an entitled twat stain. I directed her to an area of where the items would be and hurried off so she couldn't hunt me down and try and hurrange me for my opinion on the colour and cut. Another arsewad who thinks I'm stupid because I'm working at a department store. They all think that I'm making this into a career. No, it's only a building block in my career building goals, but in the meantime, I intend to learn and be an asset in ways that I can be. If you're gonna do something, at least make it worth your while.
There will be more work-related adventure blogs coming up on Mental Masturbation in addition to some other writing I'm working on, various thoughts and when I have free time, get Delectables with Dan back up and running. I've not done it for 2 months now and it's just shitty not being able to do that. I suppose I could test out my new recipes for the guinea pigs at work. I really still do want to open up a bakery. I've got so many ideas. I'd like to take polls to collect data on it and see what's what before I commit to something. I'd like to start out small. I've already got some plan in the works, so we'll have to see. I've already shared a few ideas that's driven my uptight associate up the wall. Sounds like a perfect situation.
The rant about the hatred of white socks, why would they make them and how they are completely useless to humanity went on for about 10 minutes. It felt a lot longer but despite enjoying the exchange with a fellow unmedicated bipolar individual, scouring the landscape in truth of fun, adventure and decent socks, I just wanted to give him some socks and continue with my task. I wanted to get it all done quickly. Clearing out the 500 room and restocking everything can be a daunting task, but overall, not that difficult. For the most part, it's mindless. In the end, he did buy 5 packages of the darker socks, waving cheerfully as he headed towards the till. I don't know what the guy really wanted from me or why he thought I was all knowing in the sock department but it was alright. People have been coming up to me a lot the past few days. I have no idea why. They all ask me to assist them in finding something, give a suggestion or get them something. I'm baffled by it.
But sock man couldn't hold a candle in the fuckin nutter department when it comes to posh woman. I knew I was in for trouble when an old woman with the "I want to speak to the manager haircut" huffed over to me and asked, "DO YOU WORK HERE?" She basically screamed it at me. I knew when she saw me I was going to regret this exchange, but I politely said "Yes." I was fetching order items from deep in the lingerie department when she snared me. (Maybe this is a sign that I should avoid both of the underpants departments.) "How may I assist you?" "My sister just had surgery and I'm looking for something flowy." "Well, you want something that's flowy, but won't also risk tearing the sutures out. Some materials can rub and iterate the wound and the sutures, which increases the risk of infection, especially in the summer heat." "Yeah, right. Do you have anything like that?" She looked at me like I was stupid. "I don't believe some of the dresses that are flowy, not cling to the body would allow air. The skin needs air to disperse the moisture and decrease the risk of infection, however, since you mentioned it was an abdominal infection that she had and is on bed rest, I'd suggest something similar to a nightgown. There are several of them that are a cotton blend which are lightweight, do not cling and allow for ventilation of the skin." She stared at me as if I had 10 heads. "Where would I find them?"
Now I've been asked a lot of stupid in my time, but this had to be one of them that were up there. "Lingerie." "Oh, well where is that?" I felt like I was on an episode of Punk'd for a minute and half expected Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind the lace thongs and screamed: "Punk'd!" and hand me some sort of funny hat. It didn't happen. "Excuse me, I asked you where I would find them!" She screamed at me and it took every fibre of my being not to call her an entitled twat stain. I directed her to an area of where the items would be and hurried off so she couldn't hunt me down and try and hurrange me for my opinion on the colour and cut. Another arsewad who thinks I'm stupid because I'm working at a department store. They all think that I'm making this into a career. No, it's only a building block in my career building goals, but in the meantime, I intend to learn and be an asset in ways that I can be. If you're gonna do something, at least make it worth your while.
There will be more work-related adventure blogs coming up on Mental Masturbation in addition to some other writing I'm working on, various thoughts and when I have free time, get Delectables with Dan back up and running. I've not done it for 2 months now and it's just shitty not being able to do that. I suppose I could test out my new recipes for the guinea pigs at work. I really still do want to open up a bakery. I've got so many ideas. I'd like to take polls to collect data on it and see what's what before I commit to something. I'd like to start out small. I've already got some plan in the works, so we'll have to see. I've already shared a few ideas that's driven my uptight associate up the wall. Sounds like a perfect situation.
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