HAPPINESS & HOMICIDE PREVIEW: VISITATION DAY

After Phil leaves, I lay stretched out on my bed. I feel different. Emptier than usual. It feels like I’ve got sludge in my veins rather than blood. I’m not myself today. Usually, I have a rough outline for myself, but today that’s faded from my line of sight and I feel completely unfulfilled. There’s a knock at my food window. I glance over to find Nick’s face pressed against the plexiglass. “Wil!” “I don’t feel like coming over to talk to you.” “But, I drove all the way up from London just to see you!” “Don’t lie to me, you smell like a woman. You were here for some potential poontang!” His face falls. “What’s this now? I see incarceration really has done nothing to limit your wit.” “I’m not you, Nick. I get plenty of stimulation in here.” He puts his hands over his ears. “I don’t wanna hear about your masturbation schedule!”  I smirk and walk over to the glass and look down on Nick. “Do you not want to hear about my self-rape, Nick?” “I don’t wanna hear about yo-What?” “Self-rape.” “I don’t even want to know how you came up with that.” “Oh, I didn’t. That was one of your beloved paederast cardinals that came up with that.” “I’m not here 5 minutes and you’ve already started on that.” “Actually, you’ve been here closer to 7 minutes, but I’m not here to argue semantics.” 

Nick narrows his eyes. “Why do you think I’m lying about coming up to visit you?” “Your hair.” “My hair lies?” “Everybody lies, Nick, that includes our body parts, though is hair really a body part?” I muse, leaving Nick more confused than ever. “I don’t know why I bother with you.” He mutters, leaning his hand against the plexiglass. “Because you can’t resist me. We’ve had this conversation before. I’m like heroin to you. You’re addicted to my flavour of bullshit.” “I-Are you trying to tell me that I’m a bullshit addict?” My smirk returns. “In a manner of speaking.” “Wonderful! First, you accuse me of lying, then being an addict. Is this your experience talking or are you just wanting to upset me?” “It's your body language and your past behaviours that influenced this, Nick.”  I’m gonna force all these evils on him. I know this will hit him when he’s on his drive home and he’ll be almost overwhelmed with thought. Good. He needs to do more thinking. “What are you thinking about? I came here just to chat, not participate in the Mental Olympics. Don’t you get that enough with the shrinks that you see?” “Technically, two of them aren’t psychiatrists.” “Oh?” “We’ll discuss that later, I want to hear all about her.”

“I told you there wasn’t a woman!” He huffs at me. I’m not buying it. His ears are reddening. Should I get his cork out? I should. “Was it a man?” “I already told you that I’m not into that!” He hisses against the plexiglass. I press my back against the wall and slide down, parking myself on the floor of the cell. “Your homophobia is unbecoming.” “I’m not a homophobe!” He exclaims, catching the attention of one of the guards. “Relax, Carl. I’m just messing with him. I’m 90% sure he’s not repulsed by you and your husband.” Nick’s face contorts with fear. “I didn’t! I don’t! I’m not! He’s just being an arsehole!” I raise an eyebrow. “How far from the truth am I?” “I’m not homophobic, I’m just uncomfortable with the morality of it. It’s not the natural order.” “But homosexuality occurs in nature, Nick…though I’ve never seen a male maple tree, trying to tongue fuck another male tree in the ass.” Nick’s face contorts into a mixture of confusion, horror and disgust. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh, wait, I don’t think we have enough time to discuss all that’s wrong with you!” “You’re getting heated, want to talk about something else?” He takes a few deep breaths. “I think that would be best.”

“What were you doing when I arrived, you looked like you were preoccupied.” “Oh, I was just playing with my unconsciousness.” “Oi! I told you I didn’t want to hear about your pud pulling schedule!” “It means I was thinking you absolute and utter lower colon.” “Did you just call me an asshole?” “Almost, not quite.” 

....

And there it is! Another preview for Happiness & Homicide! I'm really getting quite a bit done on this series/book and I'd love to share more of it with you guys. It's such an outlet for me, really. Do you have any favourite moments? Any speculations on what you think might happen? I'm going to update the Alex series that I started working on in January soon, yeah I know it's been forever since an update on that! Since February! Where is this year going, seriously? It feels like I've done fuck all. I kinda have in a way.

Glass Hysteria will be out next month! Save the date!! 11 June 2018 will see a worldwide release of it. I'm so excited to release this, some of the content of the book I've been sharing over the past year to year and a half as I've been writing it. I've gotten tremendous support on that so thank you guys for reading it! I hope you'll like the book. 

I've got new Delectables with Dan things that are going to be coming out soon. I know I'm behind on them. I've just been struggling with a deep depression lately and haven't really been motivated to cook or do any of the things I kinda enjoy or even love. If you guys have any tips to defeat depression or what you do to motivate you when you get into a slump I'd love to hear them! Yes, there will be a Dan and Phil inspired cake this month, coming up soon. Probably sometime next week or the third week in May. Not sure yet, still working out what to do on that front. 

Bagel Boy will launch this week and I've also got an interview with another up and coming author so be sure to check that out!