A MAN, A MONOCLE & HIS MOUSTACHE

I've not updated here in a few days, so I figured why not come back with a bang? I was planning on something else, but then this happened last night and I found it too hilarious not to share with you lot. Sometimes bipolar can be fun; the elevated mood and exploding giggles almost make the illness worth it. Would I still trade it in for a properly functioning brain? You bet, but for right now I'm making the best of the situation with this blog, a man, a monocle & his moustache. 

I was on Skype with Jessica, and just out of the blue I started getting that familiar tingling in my veins. The climax building inside the capillaries. The glitter starting to have intercourse and multiple deep within my organs, setting their offspring free. I felt the excitement building and it was bursting out of me in the form of giggles; it was then that I noticed the Sharpie on my desk. I have no idea why I thought it would be a good idea, but it started out with me drawing a monocle on my eye. The marker didn't have much life in it and I was trying to draw it off my reflection in the computer screen, so it was less than a DaVinci, but a work of art none the less. I looked at myself in the Skype box and I thought it was just the ticket. I was laughing so hard. I loved it. I was a fancy man. And for some reason unknown to man, I thought I'd be even fancier if I added a moustache to the ensemble. 

Out came another Sharpie and I began scribbling on my upper lip. I started out with a little Hitler moustache just to amuse myself. That reminds me, I have to finish that humourous Hitler story I started blogging on here a few years ago. Maybe I'll put that shit on Wattpad, I've got one of those now. With the full moustache drawn on, I had transformed. I was a different person. I was almost a handsome motherfucker. I leaned into the camera and showed Jessica for a quick second and then I realised there was a way I could prolong the humour of my monocle & moustache, so I took the show to Twitter. (No doubt most of you saw this in full swing. This went on between 2-3 am.)



The Angry Thinking Man 

I looked like those police officers you see on COPS (Sometimes I watch the clips on YouTube and they're fucking hilarious). I was a detective all of a sudden. I could work for Scotland Yard or the FBI. I had a pornstache. I couldn't just keep that to myself. All the ideas bursting forth within me? I just had to share a few of them with Jessica, but I wanted to see her reaction if I did it on a public stage, I was clamouring for the limelight, screaming like a wild man wanting it all. 

I started tweeting her photos with some of the funniest captions my mixed manic mind could think of at the time. I was moving like lightning. Rushing and twisting. It was beautiful and invigorating. I was more inspired than I had been for days. I saw it as a prime opportunity to be a pervert on so many platforms. I did the only thing one can do when they take a photo like this. Ask a lady if she wants a moustache ride and I did. Right on Twitter. Uploaded this gem of a photo with the caption: (Jessica's username) How's about a moustache ride?



I didn't even take the time to think about the fact she probably doesn't know what a moustache ride is, but she has Google and I'm not always going to be there to explain perversion and hilariously perverted slang terms. The girl's gotta spread her legs and fly. Explore these skies of perversion on her own; I shall be a guiding hand, gliding along the warm upper winds. But of course, I didn't stop there. 

I thought it would look even better if I added a beard. So when she got up to wee, I grabbed the Sharpie and added more to my drawn on facial hair. She came back and peered at the laptop to see if I was still there and she was greeted with a marker pen beard glaring back at her. Her almost falling off her seat only made the giggles even more excited. They bubbled up inside me and I expected them to start leaking through my veins. She told me that I look ridiculous while laughing hysterically, so I decided to take my perversion a step further.



I added this pic to the collection I'd polluted my timeline (and her's as well actually since she was tagged in all these). I think this is the one that cracked her. She's always told me that I was a sex pest and a proper pervert but this was the limit, I thought she was going to explode when she saw "the ladies can't resist "el beardo". I don't know why it got Spanish there, it just sounded amazing in my head. I couldn't hold the laughter in. It swirled around me, coated my lungs and skin. It's essence danced across me, thrilling me, getting me high and arousing me. 

Then she had to rain on my parade about a half hour into this little dress up game, but she had a request after her simmering rage at my filthy postings at her and I was happy to oblige. She asked for a photo of me with the famous D&P cat whiskers.

AND THERE WE ARE.