Delectables with Dan: Mocha-Vanilla Swirl Cakes!
You all must have thought that I'd not be doing a Dan & Phil calendar cake/cupcake this month with me being gone and all that, but fuck you, you're wrong! Ooh, sorry, a bit sassy, anyway I managed to pull things down, set aside the rest of the travel blogs to honour my earlier commitment to doing the once a month cake themed on their calendar. I actually had something else planned out, but like I just don't have the time to get it all done. I will take the idea and carry it over for another time, like different colour obviously, but I think I can make it work. That's all I'm gonna say on that one, but just know it's gonna be worth the wait to see that beauty.
Today we're going to be making a batch of mocha-fudge-vanilla swirl cupcakes and ice them with some brilliant red buttercream icing! The links to get one of the calendars if you want will be linked below don't worry. Oh, and you're going to need a large cupcake pan for this one since it works better this way.
Today we're going to be making a batch of mocha-fudge-vanilla swirl cupcakes and ice them with some brilliant red buttercream icing! The links to get one of the calendars if you want will be linked below don't worry. Oh, and you're going to need a large cupcake pan for this one since it works better this way.
I'm going to be doing these in vanilla golden cake and dark chocolate fudge cake
so you will need one of each of those box mixes. I know how to make both of them from scratch but like a time crunch...I should do a from scratch one for the next one. Hold me to that, don't let me forget and slip back into I guess laziness in addition to the time crunch.
Preheat your oven to 180C (350F)
Grease your baking tins, like you would a dildo you're gonna use for some all night back-door lovin'.
LET'S MAKE SOME MOCHA
1 chocolate cake mix
Preheat your oven to 180C (350F)
Grease your baking tins, like you would a dildo you're gonna use for some all night back-door lovin'.
LET'S MAKE SOME MOCHA
1 chocolate cake mix
6 tsp instant coffee (regular)
1 coffee cup amount of strong brewed coffee, cold.
3 eggs
115ml vegetable oil
Brew your coffee first and put into the icebox to chill while you prep your cake mixes. Add the instant coffee, egg and oil into the chocolate cake mix and give it a few stirs before you add in the cool coffee. Mix well.
*You are going to follow the preparation for the vanilla cake mix exactly as instructed on the box** Once you have prepared both of the batters, you're going to spoon the batter into the cupcake/muffin trays. Using a large tablespoon, and alternating between a mocha and vanilla base you're going to spoon in the batter. Three vanilla, one mocha. Three mocha, one vanilla. Once you have done this you're going to swirl the two batters together using a silver knife, being careful not to scrape the bottom. No bottom scraping here. Go wild with it, mix some really well, leave some with more vanilla or more mocha. You want it to look like a Picasso. (Been thinking a lot about that bloke since I saw some of his work the other week in Oslo; Don't lose your fuckin' shit, that blog is coming, I needed to get this one done. Keep an eye for it within the next week or so.)
Put them in to bake for 20-22 minutes, depending on your oven. You want them to puff up nice, like muffins, that way you can cut their heads off with a breadknife. In real life, you can't really cut someone's head off with a bread knife. I know because I tried it. It won't get through the bones, but it does alright through skin, cartilage, muscle, fat, etc. But this is a baking lesson, not a homicide lesson. We could get back onto that depending on how many views this gets. I know you kiddies are thirsty for more, but that craving will have to be stuffed with cupcakes, not killing. Oh yeah, look at those thicc beauties. 'Would you eat me? I'd eat me. I'd eat me so much.'
Right, now where was I before I got lost in my bread knife thoughts? Oh right, right. We're going to ice these with a standard buttercream icing. You know how to do it, well you should by now I've been doing these for years now, but if you don't, you can click the BBC link below. Double that recipe and add 2 tsp vanilla essence to it. Boom. Add about 3/4 of a teaspoon of red food colouring. If you're using the gel, it's the same. Depending on your brand's concentration, you may need more or less of the colouring; we're aiming for a nice, rich violent red colour here. Right about now, you may have a few questions. "Dan, why are we cutting their heads off?" We want a completely flat icing surface and cupcakes are known to have that swell at the top...much like the sides of Chubb's skinny jeans...wait, ah, icing, oh shit, no icing with the sugar, not cu-Oh dear. What was I on about? Right icing.
These were supposed to be iced with massive roses, but I didn't realise that I didn't have the correct tip to do so until I was stood there filling the tool with icing. One of you guys reminds me to pick that up or Amazon that little bastard. We're still going to ice them like flowers, we're going to use a small and large star tip. Smaller for the bursts that will make them look like red hydrangeas, I think I used a similar thing for Valentine's day...sorry, my creative juices have been flowing elsewhere and I've been away thinking about other things. Start on one side of the cupcake and work clockwise, squeezing small bursts of icing around the outside if the cupcake, working your way into the centre. The entire surface will look like a blood-saturated hydrangea. Beautiful. Ice half of your cupcakes (there should be 14 large cupcakes in total) in this way and switch tips for our next icing.
I saw this on some food channel thing and I've been itching to try it out with something, it looks like little roses in a way, but they're not and they're simple to do. Start on one side of the cupcake and ice a thick, but small swirl. For your next swirl, ice the opposite way to the way you iced the first flower swirl. Repeat the entire process across the top of the cupcake, alternating between clockwise and counterclockwise movements. Ice the remaining cupcakes this way.
And there we have it! They're fun and fresh and flat out delicious. The best part? The swirl tops won't go to waste, you can eat them without any icing. At least I do, anyway, its a perfect flavour palette for me. Next month its yellow...sunflowers maybe? We'll see where I go with this but I'm sensing another floral theme, but more of a challenge...and not some giant sunflower cake. I actually hate sunflowers. They're so fucking smug. "Look at me I'm so tall with a massive head and I'm happy!" Arseholes. I think sunflowers should be banned. What purpose do they really serve? Anybody? Let's wrap this up before I go off on a tangent about these fucking things. What do you want to see on Delectables with Dan? Have any suggestions? Want me to try something? Comment! Don't be shy! Let me know either on here or via social media so I can try and work them out. Cheers!
1 coffee cup amount of strong brewed coffee, cold.
3 eggs
115ml vegetable oil
Brew your coffee first and put into the icebox to chill while you prep your cake mixes. Add the instant coffee, egg and oil into the chocolate cake mix and give it a few stirs before you add in the cool coffee. Mix well.
*You are going to follow the preparation for the vanilla cake mix exactly as instructed on the box** Once you have prepared both of the batters, you're going to spoon the batter into the cupcake/muffin trays. Using a large tablespoon, and alternating between a mocha and vanilla base you're going to spoon in the batter. Three vanilla, one mocha. Three mocha, one vanilla. Once you have done this you're going to swirl the two batters together using a silver knife, being careful not to scrape the bottom. No bottom scraping here. Go wild with it, mix some really well, leave some with more vanilla or more mocha. You want it to look like a Picasso. (Been thinking a lot about that bloke since I saw some of his work the other week in Oslo; Don't lose your fuckin' shit, that blog is coming, I needed to get this one done. Keep an eye for it within the next week or so.)
Put them in to bake for 20-22 minutes, depending on your oven. You want them to puff up nice, like muffins, that way you can cut their heads off with a breadknife. In real life, you can't really cut someone's head off with a bread knife. I know because I tried it. It won't get through the bones, but it does alright through skin, cartilage, muscle, fat, etc. But this is a baking lesson, not a homicide lesson. We could get back onto that depending on how many views this gets. I know you kiddies are thirsty for more, but that craving will have to be stuffed with cupcakes, not killing. Oh yeah, look at those thicc beauties. 'Would you eat me? I'd eat me. I'd eat me so much.'
Right, now where was I before I got lost in my bread knife thoughts? Oh right, right. We're going to ice these with a standard buttercream icing. You know how to do it, well you should by now I've been doing these for years now, but if you don't, you can click the BBC link below. Double that recipe and add 2 tsp vanilla essence to it. Boom. Add about 3/4 of a teaspoon of red food colouring. If you're using the gel, it's the same. Depending on your brand's concentration, you may need more or less of the colouring; we're aiming for a nice, rich violent red colour here. Right about now, you may have a few questions. "Dan, why are we cutting their heads off?" We want a completely flat icing surface and cupcakes are known to have that swell at the top...much like the sides of Chubb's skinny jeans...wait, ah, icing, oh shit, no icing with the sugar, not cu-Oh dear. What was I on about? Right icing.
These were supposed to be iced with massive roses, but I didn't realise that I didn't have the correct tip to do so until I was stood there filling the tool with icing. One of you guys reminds me to pick that up or Amazon that little bastard. We're still going to ice them like flowers, we're going to use a small and large star tip. Smaller for the bursts that will make them look like red hydrangeas, I think I used a similar thing for Valentine's day...sorry, my creative juices have been flowing elsewhere and I've been away thinking about other things. Start on one side of the cupcake and work clockwise, squeezing small bursts of icing around the outside if the cupcake, working your way into the centre. The entire surface will look like a blood-saturated hydrangea. Beautiful. Ice half of your cupcakes (there should be 14 large cupcakes in total) in this way and switch tips for our next icing.
I saw this on some food channel thing and I've been itching to try it out with something, it looks like little roses in a way, but they're not and they're simple to do. Start on one side of the cupcake and ice a thick, but small swirl. For your next swirl, ice the opposite way to the way you iced the first flower swirl. Repeat the entire process across the top of the cupcake, alternating between clockwise and counterclockwise movements. Ice the remaining cupcakes this way.
And there we have it! They're fun and fresh and flat out delicious. The best part? The swirl tops won't go to waste, you can eat them without any icing. At least I do, anyway, its a perfect flavour palette for me. Next month its yellow...sunflowers maybe? We'll see where I go with this but I'm sensing another floral theme, but more of a challenge...and not some giant sunflower cake. I actually hate sunflowers. They're so fucking smug. "Look at me I'm so tall with a massive head and I'm happy!" Arseholes. I think sunflowers should be banned. What purpose do they really serve? Anybody? Let's wrap this up before I go off on a tangent about these fucking things. What do you want to see on Delectables with Dan? Have any suggestions? Want me to try something? Comment! Don't be shy! Let me know either on here or via social media so I can try and work them out. Cheers!
ICING:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/basicbuttericing_73263
SHOP
(UK) https://www.danandphilshop.com/products/dan-and-phil-and-dogs-2018-calendar
(US) https://us.danandphilshop.com/
**Its sold out on the Australian site, but you can still get it via one of the two links; some countries shipping is not available; you will have to double check that at the time of order status or by contacting the Dan & Phil shop via their websites or their Twitter**
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