THE INSTAGRAM POST

Apparently, I'm not allowed to post whatever the fuck I want on my OWN Instagram account anymore.  Seriously, when the fuck did everyone become such a butthurt, cry-baby fuckmouth who feels such a sense of entitlement they have the balls to tell me to take something down on my own account. Two words for these people: Blow me. I know that I'm probably going to get more shit for this, more people will ignore my work and I'll lose the little bit of support I have, but honestly, I'm tired of being treated like shit. I think I've earned a little bit of respect having lived for over 2 and a half decades.

On my Instagram, I posted this photo. A physical manifestation of the desperation, depression and grief in my soul. Underneath the jagged scars, you can see the light white of past cuts and wounds. The light and the paleness of my skin only contrasts with the dark reddish-purple tones of the scars. Each wound tells a story, holds an emotion...each line represents relief, expression and a comfort that only a razor blade can bring. It's a rush of emotion and tension leaving your body and allowing you to breathe. Sometimes it's the only thing I feel I can do to combat the demons that crawl through this fleshy tomb. Sometimes I have no control over it and lash out in a mixed frenzy leaving myself more exhausted despite an entire evening and half a day of sleep. 

Photo Caption: "They're just words." Fuck you, no they aren't. I'm seriously at my wit's end with nothing working for me. My MacBook Pro dies, no one's hiring, no one gives a fuck about my writing/art and I try so fucking hard in everything I do. I' ve been told by the two dumb cunts that I see for my bipolar that shit's had-been saying this since APRIL. And my so called mates who've borrowed money from me, never paid it back. Yep. Great. And here's the kicker- Phil. Yeah. Went out of my way to get him a present, then went there to give it to him, gave him a letter THANKING him for being the reason, for helping me through suicidal depression and I can't even get a note back? So thanks for that one. And to all my mates who say they give a fuck and never check on me...

🖕🏻

Honestly, I don't give a flying fuck if it's triggering or not. People need to get over themselves and stop throwing that word around so lightly. It's mostly dumbass teenagers. They fail to realise that the world they're building up for themselves is nothing but a fantasy and that there are dark parts of life that you have to learn to deal with. This idea that you can make every place a safe space is honestly goddamn stupid and leads to an unrealistic view of everything. It fails to equip you with the proper tools to deal with negativity or troublesome things as well as limits your ability to speak openly and honestly about the darker side of humanity. And a lot of these arseholes that throw the word or phrase "triggering" around really have no respect for anyone but themselves. They also think it's fucking trendy to speak like that. It's not. I suppose the same could be said for me by posting an image or speaking about the struggles and stress that has been plaguing me lately, but the difference here is I'm not telling anyone to view it. I'm not openly screaming "look at me"! I'm simply trying to express myself in ways that are not harmful to my body. I attempted to use social media, my own personal space, to express some of the things that have been weighing on my mind rather than crawl into a bottle, swallow pills or take blades to my skin. I took my therapist's advice and reached out on a platform and in a way that I feel comfortable. And what did it get me? 

Here's a suggestion for people who wanna say shit like this. It's a really simple thing, but I think it will revolutionise the way people use the internet. DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT IT! Marvellous concept, don't you think? And it's free and only takes a second or two. 

It wasn't just that, people who have no backstory of what happened with Phil are just going to defend him and make it out like I'm the asshole. Excuse me? They all just made fucking excuses for him. Must be nice to be so perfect that people who don't even have all the facts are going to kiss your ass and still believe that the sun shines out of your arsehole.  A tonne of people were like "maybe he forgot" or "he got busy" or "he's only human." Why do they fail to see the possibility that he could just have been being a cunt? Hm? Anybody? And it's not like he didn't know the story behind the present because I told him so myself and hand gave him the present and the letter. I'm sorry if this somehow seems out of line to some of you folk, but it's fucking rude is what it is. He could have taken 5 goddamn minutes to thank me for the trouble I went to for him or even just fucking acknowledge that he meant so much to someone. But of course, more fucking cocksuckers are going to read this and just defend his actions or whatever. Honestly. Am I angry? You bet your fucking nuts I'm angry. I feel not only let down because pretty much everyone else had a great experience with him, but also betrayed because I thought he was a different person. Ha. Joke's on Danny like it always is. 

They think just because I'm a fucking no one I have no value or purpose or that I'm somehow not human. Sorry to inconvenience everybody, but I am. And all these people who said they care and then said shit like that to me, it's a bit hypocritical and more annoying than if you said nothing, so don't. I have enough fake-ass hoes in my life and I don't need more of you sending me empty slogans and words in an attempt to ease your conscience about something shitty you did in your life. Go somewhere else and try and peddle that waffle sister because I'm just not having it. I'm not impressed by it. That being said, there were a few genuine people who commented on that post, people who've had a few exchanges with and that made things slightly better. 

Normally, I don't really find myself annoyed by this kind of shit, but I've reached breaking point. Everything is coming to a head now. The frustration I feel with myself, with those around me and with life is crushing my chest and making it hard to breathe. I'm sure that many of you who read this blog have felt similar, if not the same, emotional torment and struggles. The things said on that post really just pissed me off further and the posting wasn't in any way cathartic. Maybe this blog post will help me to work out some of the things swirling through my artificial-sugar laced veins. Does it even matter anymore? Probably not. I see nothing worth any value. I see nothing worth effort anymore. I never saw my life going in this direction. I'm too exhausted to really try anymore. It's pretty off putting when you've spent a decade of your life working your arse off on things and no one even looks up. I'm crestfallen at the state of affairs honestly. 

And I didn't block their usernames out because I'm lazy, not because I want them attacked or criticised or anything. If you support my view point here, just do me a favour and leave them alone. Don't even ask them for bus change. Don't even say hi.
And if I do another post like this in the future on here or on any social medias and you have something nasty to say, don't.  Last time I checked, I was an adult and I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. Sure, I'm probably coming off as a cunt or a dickhead or whatever your favourite insult is, but honestly, you'd probably feel the same rage that I do. I'm at the point where I'm ready to start punching people in the head. Namaste. 

LINKS
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/anjathesickboy/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/darkdreamingdan
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darkdreamingdaniel/

Oh yeah!
And my Delectables with Dan series now has its own Facebook, Instagram & Twitter accounts! So if you want to follow those or check them out, that would be great!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dandelectables/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DanDelectables

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dandelectables/