DRAMA LAMA: RISE OF THE NUDIST
We all have had awkward childhood experiences and events happen to us. No way around it, it's just a part of growing up. Well, I think that this one takes the cake as one of the top 10 worst moments of my life. Let me take you back to the 90's when I was a child, growing up in a semi-small town and some of the most bizarre parenting skills.
I was about 4 maybe 5 years old when my mum was giving me a bath and she turned away for a few minutes to see to my younger sister when I pulled a Harry Houdini and escaped from the bath. I'd heard the neighbour's car pull in and I wanted to go play with my friend and neighbour.
So, wearing only the skin I was born in, down the street heading for Shawn, the neighbour boy's house! The upstairs bath was right at the top of the upstairs landing and a direct shot from the stairs. I ran down those steps, how I managed to get down there all wet without falling on my ass is a miracle in and of itself, and out the front door which was at the bottom of the stairs.
I think it had been raining and it was still kind of overcast, don't hold me to it, my mum's never mentioned the weather. I was half way down the street, as there was a little bit of a woody area between our houses, it was just like some trees and grass, nothing spooky (hat was behind the house and that brings up a story for another time) and she noticed I was missing and was screaming my name. I mean, I left the door open so she probably thought I'd gotten lose and or someone had come and snatched me away. (Oh, how the tables turned.) She caught me half way down the street completely stark arsed naked. She picked me up and carried me back into the house and plopped me back down into the bath. Surprisingly, mum wasn't mad that I'd escaped, made extra work and kind of embarrassed her; she thought the entire thing was funny.
And like that just wasn't the end of it. Oh no. I was called a little nudist for the longest time after the incident and it never went away. Even today, my sister brought it up! "Hey, do you remember that time you were running naked down the street to go to Shawn's house? Remember that??" How the fuck could I forget that? It was brought up at birthday parties, gatherings even just regular dinnertime talk. Is this how Kim K felt when her first nudes were leaked to the internet? Thankfully, no one had camera phones at this time or this probably would have ended up on YouTube somewhere. Truly the best times to be alive. Had just enough technology to have comfortable lives, things were more passive, people lived in the momet and my innocence was intact. The world had long since lost it's innocence by the time I was birthed, but it was far more pure than it is now.
Seriously, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking with this. Why did I ever think I could just go over and play with my mate without clothes on? I don't recall ever doing that again. I guess I learned a lesson. Well, not really I guess. I'm known to sometimes take my clothes off when I'm extremely drunk or extremely high. It's more about being free than being a pervert, though on occasion I have touched a titty or rubbed against a leg that I shouldn't have. Nothing molester like, and I've always stopped when asked. You know, I don't even know if he was ever told about it. I'd imagine one of my arsehole siblings mentioned it as they were older and we still spent time with Shawn and Kelly for a while before they got too old for us. Looking back I'm not really ashamed with this story, I mean it still adds a pale pink tinge to my cheeks but it's nothing like it used to be.
And as usual, stay tuned for more mischief, adventures, confessions and all round mentalness here on Mental Masturbation. I've got some things that I'd like to share with you guys and in some areas, it's going to get even more personal than I have in the past. Also, I've got a new tattoo blog coming up!
If you have some embarrassing childhood or teenage moments you'd like to share do so via my social media links! Then I will probably feel a bit more normal reading some of the shit other people have done. Until next time...
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