DELICIOUS KIDS 🍫 👦🏻🍫

Over the past few days, I’ve been obsessed with the fact that Wonka put kids into his candy. 
And it’s not just that. I love that he’s a malevolent puppet master and a sarcastic, yet comic force. 
I do wonder why he chose chocolate and candy to put kids into. Wouldn’t meat pies have been more suitable? (Or did the other worry about copyright and similarities to Sweeney Todd? Just brainstorming here.) It's been a really distracting thought and I don't mean thoughts of morality. I just kept mulling over 'what about human flesh would make chocolate delicious?' 'what did he do with the parts that he didn't put into the candy? Did he eat the leftovers? Save them for a rainy day? Turn the bones into mulch to fertilise his cocoa plants?' The amount of thought that went into these ideas and questions was more than I ever put into any university assignment...probably why I dropped out. <Might talk about that later.> 

Like, I'm really impressed at the ingenuity of the plan and the execution. And abducting tramps when he ran out of kids? No, the book doesn't really say that about tramps, but it's not really taking a liberty here. He's not killing the workers, otherwise who would take care of all the shit in the factory? Somehow, I can't picture Wonka out there sweating, farming cocoa plants or fixing a broken machine. He's more of the Supreme Overlord type. Back to the plan. It's beautiful. The mystery of the factory he creates, the slight tremble he pumps into the air-the locals talk and rumours spread, as does the fear. Reality dissipates from the minds and bodies of law enforcement. It's like watching fucking Monet paint, here. Jeffrey Dahmer didn't think of this shit when he was working in that chocolate factory! Imagine if he did? He could have been the real-life Wonka. Wait, Observe, Learn. Strike. That was Jeffy's problem. He was too impatient. No, no, more careless I suppose. He did get away with his crimes for a while. (That probably wouldn't fly today with all the modern coppery afoot.) Dipping people in chocolate. Wonka, you fucking glorious bastard. And fuckin ol' RD for creating such a character and concept. Mad props. Mad props. 

But here's this-how did Wonka know what kids were delicious? I can't imagine that everybody tastes good. Diet, lifestyle, etc influences taste of animals, so surely it's the same of people. Did he send that creep with the glasses out to lick children or take small samples of them when they were sleeping? Did he observe the children, learn their diets and lifestyles, read medical records and then made a guess of taste based off that? Sounds a bit more of a touch and go escapade than exact science to me. Thoughts about this sometimes keep me up at night. Also, wouldn't the parents notice the kids were gone? Or did he choose children of drunks, drug addicts and I-don't-give-a-fuckers? Adults that wouldn't notice the kids were gone? Undocumented children and parents? Maybe he took the parents as well and used them for the mulch or as like slaves to clean his house or something. Does he really live in the factory? If so, is it like a studio flat in there? Or like a full on house inside the factory? Kinda want to take this idea to the Sims and try and execute this. 

Lastly, how did he figure out that kids in chocolate and sweets were delicious? Was he bored one day and said to himself, "I should experiment more. I should meet more people." <People are meat after all.> And he met someone and there was an accident in the factory and he needed to hide the body before the fuzz showed up so he tossed them into a giant chocolate vat? Or the vats they use to make jelly sweets? And under the stress of the potential arrest, trial and imprisonment forgot about the bodies and poured the chocolate into the moulds, then found out it was delicious? Better than ever? Or was it more of a, "Shit, I wanna try this?" kind of thing? Believe me, it does happen. Criminal history gives us dozens of examples. OR OR...He just wanted to get rid of his own kid, but once he killed him he couldn't bare to part with him so he consumed him? But he couldn't do it plain and that's where the candy part comes in? He could have just been pissed off at the world and wanted to make everyone pay and wanted to enjoy his own private joke over it. 

And fuck, if they’re making Maltesers with kid parts, I’ll still keep on eatin’ them. Hand to God, I would still eat the fuck out of them and the Maltesers’s Teasers even after I found out they were putting kid parts in them, but what does this say about me as a person? What does it say about the candy people? Is it selfishness? Lack of self-control? We definitely know morals and social codes are lacking in me. Is it a desire to try the forbidden fruit? No, people, for the most part, are gross. I couldn't just eat a human like I would a hamburger. Could you? God. All I'd be thinking is what kinda diseases could he have had in his lifetime? Cannibals don't seem to think about that, now do they? Hmm. Maybe should consult Google, as I think Melfi would be out of her depth on this one. And back to the candy people! Forcing cannibalism onto the unsuspecting public? Shades of Wonka here or what? I think I take back what I said earlier about people as a whole; Some people are interesting and the rest are stupid. Seems a better fit now. And now I'm curious about these chocolate makers, their mindsets and their priorities; because you need to have one hell of a set of priorities to do something like that.


And for some added funnies: Wonka’s Sarcastic One- Liners 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51wW5sl0a5k

And whilst on the subject of Wonka I've been seriously thinking about getting a Wonka themed tattoo! The books and films meant so much to me as a child and now as an adult, I find them just as entertaining, if not more. I loved when they did those chocolate bars that came with remake even though the remake was a pile of shite. Drew up a lovely little tattoo idea that goes along with my ideas and humour and dovetails nicely with Wonka chocolate, that of which is amazing. Don't take my fucking drawing either. Ask me if you want one done up for you. 

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