Delectables with Dan: Red Velvet Brownies (High Times Edition) 🙃
Hello fellow brewers and shakers!
Today, on this episode of Delectables with Dan,
Today, on this episode of Delectables with Dan,
I dropped a few Oxycodone tablets and decided to do
the Valentines Day Red Velvet Brownies I promised you!
First things first. Let's get a nice buzz going before we even get going.
What's the point in attempting something half prepared? I let the three
settle in me for a nice 15-20 minutes before I started to feel that light hearted
joy spread throughout my entire body.
🙃 FIRST STEP🙃
Preheat your oven to 175c/350f.
It's important to have the oven up to temperature before you put your stuff into bake.
It's important to have the oven up to temperature before you put your stuff into bake.
Now, in my state, it took me a FUCK lot longer than the pre-heat time on the oven. So,
if you're fallowing this blog down to the letter, expect a lot of mutterings of 'what the fuck' and
things taking about 3 times longer than normal. Don't forget to grease your baking dish. That
would end no bueno. Who needs broken brownies? It's almost as devastating as a broken condom.
Interestingly enough, we're also trying to avoid- Make your lady water at both ends with these delicious
treats. Be the partner who cooks for her, women love that. And what they love even more is when it
tastes good or has chocolate involved. This has both of best worlds.
Start with unsweetened baking chocolate squares. You're going to need 113g of it. Break them up evenly and melt them in your microwave before you cream them with your butter. You'll need 85g. My dumbass, mistook regular chocolate for
baking chocolate, so I didn't bother to buy any...which isn't a good thing. You can't use regular chocolate with a sub for the unsweetened. Thankfully, I did have some baking cocoa, which I mashed into the light butter substitute and added three tablespoons of water. It turned into a nice creamy-ish paste. More or less the same result I would have gotten the other way round. (I've had to do this before.)
🙃 SECOND STEP🙃
In a second large bowl, you're going to whisk in 4 large eggs with 400g caster sugar. I don't like my red velvet to be overly sweet...that and I was low on sugar and had something else to do that REALLY needed it, so I used a sugar substitute. I added in the same amount of the sub. that I would have done the regular, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE TYPE OF THE SUGAR SUBSTITUTE I WAS USING. Generally, you add much less of the sub. You can consult your local Google machine for all the different types, versions, etc. After you've done that, you're going to add in 1 of those entire little bottles of red food colouring. (The recipe said 8oz so thats like 235ml. Something like that. I've never been a math wizard, and it's not about to start happening now. You know what I am a wizard of? Erotic tongue play. And the piercings help out a lot. Add a little bit of extra sensation for me and my date. Just a little tidbit I picked up along the way. Now where the hell was I with this shit? )Oh yeah, you're going to add 1 tablespoon of white vinegar then 2 teaspoon of vanilla essence. (I always use a bit more than I should. Why? Cause I love all things vanilla. From candles, to cookies to edible undies.) Then chuck in 1 1/2 tablespoon of bicarbonate of soda. Stir with a rubber scraping thingie (is there an official name for these things? Sometimes just to amuse myself I call them rubbers. Ah, the wonder of words...) until everything is fully incorporated.
After you've done that, scrape your chocolate mixture into the bowl with your red mixture. Mix it up nice and lovely. At this point it should turn a mucky reddish-brown colour.
🙃 THIRD STEP🙃
Pour into your baking pan (Finally. I swear to God, it must have taken me an hour to get all of this
done and written down in my notebook. I kept stopping, getting confused and of course dancing to the Backstreet Boys probably wasn't helping matters.) Make sure that you spread the mixture nice and evenly in the pan. You don't want any lopsided ares. (Remember what I said about tits in the last Delectables with Dan? This is the same kind of idea.) Put into the oven to bake for about 30 minutes OR until you poke it with a little metal stick and when you pull it out it comes out clean. I've never had that experience. Coming out clean. There's always some kinda of fluids involved. What about you guys? Is it possible? And if it is, is it pleasurable? Seems to me that it would be rather painful and uncomfortable for both parties if there wasn't anything to help out. But I'm getting carried away with myself here. And we've got something else to be focusing on while our brownies bake!
🙃 FOURTH STEP🙃
It's time to make the cheese cake icing! I suppose you can look to see if they have a store bought kind or order it offline, but where's the fun in that? You get to make something with your hands and make a giant mess all at the same time. To make this you'll need a rather large bowl, cause we're going to be whipping the hell out of this. (Whip the cream cheese, not your date. Unless she's into that kind of thing. Always make sure you know safe words before engaging in this enjoyable kink.) You'll need 225g of cream cheese. Well, I didn't have time to dash all over the city looking for the light kind, which is hard enough to find at Tesco, so I ended up using Neuchatel Cheese. Works the same and tastes pretty much the same as cream cheese. AND YES I MANAGED TO FIND ONE WITH REDUCED FAT. So I chucked that into the bowl along with 1 1/2 cup icing sugar 1 1/2 tablespoons of vanilla essence ad 3 tbsp of softened butter substitute. I slightly mixed it before using my mix master to whip it up into a nice, light and evenly blended cream cheese icing.
🙃 FIFTH STEP🙃
After you've let your brownies cool, it's time to ice and decorate these mothers! You're going to want to slice them up into even sized squares before you ice them. Make sure that your icing is nice and whip-like before you spread it on top of the brownies. A nice thick layer will leave you in heaven. Top with some Valentines Day sprinkles, reds, pinks, hearts, whatever you want! Go mental with it! The contrast of the red, white and brown are a beautiful sight to behold.
Rather than just doing a display of these, I baked a giant sugar cookie and iced it with a medium amount of vanilla icing coloured pink. Set it on a nice silver tray and WHAM. Simple, sexy and stimulating (to the eye).
*You can sub the icing sugar with the sugar sub. but mix it with a few tablespoons of cornflour. Mixture depends on on how much sub. your using, the type etc. All can be found via the Google Machine.
LINK TO THE PREVIOUS DELECTABLES WITH DAN:
https://thespacebetweenloveandlies.blogspot.com/2017/02/delectables-with-dan-triple-chocolate.html
baking chocolate, so I didn't bother to buy any...which isn't a good thing. You can't use regular chocolate with a sub for the unsweetened. Thankfully, I did have some baking cocoa, which I mashed into the light butter substitute and added three tablespoons of water. It turned into a nice creamy-ish paste. More or less the same result I would have gotten the other way round. (I've had to do this before.)
🙃 SECOND STEP🙃
In a second large bowl, you're going to whisk in 4 large eggs with 400g caster sugar. I don't like my red velvet to be overly sweet...that and I was low on sugar and had something else to do that REALLY needed it, so I used a sugar substitute. I added in the same amount of the sub. that I would have done the regular, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE TYPE OF THE SUGAR SUBSTITUTE I WAS USING. Generally, you add much less of the sub. You can consult your local Google machine for all the different types, versions, etc. After you've done that, you're going to add in 1 of those entire little bottles of red food colouring. (The recipe said 8oz so thats like 235ml. Something like that. I've never been a math wizard, and it's not about to start happening now. You know what I am a wizard of? Erotic tongue play. And the piercings help out a lot. Add a little bit of extra sensation for me and my date. Just a little tidbit I picked up along the way. Now where the hell was I with this shit? )Oh yeah, you're going to add 1 tablespoon of white vinegar then 2 teaspoon of vanilla essence. (I always use a bit more than I should. Why? Cause I love all things vanilla. From candles, to cookies to edible undies.) Then chuck in 1 1/2 tablespoon of bicarbonate of soda. Stir with a rubber scraping thingie (is there an official name for these things? Sometimes just to amuse myself I call them rubbers. Ah, the wonder of words...) until everything is fully incorporated.
After you've done that, scrape your chocolate mixture into the bowl with your red mixture. Mix it up nice and lovely. At this point it should turn a mucky reddish-brown colour.
🙃 THIRD STEP🙃
Pour into your baking pan (Finally. I swear to God, it must have taken me an hour to get all of this
done and written down in my notebook. I kept stopping, getting confused and of course dancing to the Backstreet Boys probably wasn't helping matters.) Make sure that you spread the mixture nice and evenly in the pan. You don't want any lopsided ares. (Remember what I said about tits in the last Delectables with Dan? This is the same kind of idea.) Put into the oven to bake for about 30 minutes OR until you poke it with a little metal stick and when you pull it out it comes out clean. I've never had that experience. Coming out clean. There's always some kinda of fluids involved. What about you guys? Is it possible? And if it is, is it pleasurable? Seems to me that it would be rather painful and uncomfortable for both parties if there wasn't anything to help out. But I'm getting carried away with myself here. And we've got something else to be focusing on while our brownies bake!
🙃 FOURTH STEP🙃
It's time to make the cheese cake icing! I suppose you can look to see if they have a store bought kind or order it offline, but where's the fun in that? You get to make something with your hands and make a giant mess all at the same time. To make this you'll need a rather large bowl, cause we're going to be whipping the hell out of this. (Whip the cream cheese, not your date. Unless she's into that kind of thing. Always make sure you know safe words before engaging in this enjoyable kink.) You'll need 225g of cream cheese. Well, I didn't have time to dash all over the city looking for the light kind, which is hard enough to find at Tesco, so I ended up using Neuchatel Cheese. Works the same and tastes pretty much the same as cream cheese. AND YES I MANAGED TO FIND ONE WITH REDUCED FAT. So I chucked that into the bowl along with 1 1/2 cup icing sugar 1 1/2 tablespoons of vanilla essence ad 3 tbsp of softened butter substitute. I slightly mixed it before using my mix master to whip it up into a nice, light and evenly blended cream cheese icing.
🙃 FIFTH STEP🙃
After you've let your brownies cool, it's time to ice and decorate these mothers! You're going to want to slice them up into even sized squares before you ice them. Make sure that your icing is nice and whip-like before you spread it on top of the brownies. A nice thick layer will leave you in heaven. Top with some Valentines Day sprinkles, reds, pinks, hearts, whatever you want! Go mental with it! The contrast of the red, white and brown are a beautiful sight to behold.
Rather than just doing a display of these, I baked a giant sugar cookie and iced it with a medium amount of vanilla icing coloured pink. Set it on a nice silver tray and WHAM. Simple, sexy and stimulating (to the eye).
*You can sub the icing sugar with the sugar sub. but mix it with a few tablespoons of cornflour. Mixture depends on on how much sub. your using, the type etc. All can be found via the Google Machine.
LINK TO THE PREVIOUS DELECTABLES WITH DAN:
https://thespacebetweenloveandlies.blogspot.com/2017/02/delectables-with-dan-triple-chocolate.html
🙃 LINKS🙃
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/AnjaAbsinthe/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ichliebebillah
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anjathesickboy/
YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMcgrUtOSAkgNUlchw6NpZw
Tumblr:https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ichliebebillah
BOOKS:
http://www.blurb.co.uk/user/xxwil26xx
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=anja+absinthe
You can also get three of my works on the Kindle store by searching "Anja Absinthe" or any of the book titles available! 1. Little By Little 2. Dopamine 3. The Suicide of a Wallflower
SICKBOY MERCH:
https://www.zazzle.com/sickboymerch
We've got a sale on Zazzle this week! 30% off with the code #GONEINZFLASH
More items will be added as the shop grows in popularity! Tell your family and friends!
Perfect for any dark literature lover!
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/AnjaAbsinthe/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ichliebebillah
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anjathesickboy/
YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMcgrUtOSAkgNUlchw6NpZw
Tumblr:https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ichliebebillah
BOOKS:
http://www.blurb.co.uk/user/xxwil26xx
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=anja+absinthe
You can also get three of my works on the Kindle store by searching "Anja Absinthe" or any of the book titles available! 1. Little By Little 2. Dopamine 3. The Suicide of a Wallflower
SICKBOY MERCH:
https://www.zazzle.com/sickboymerch
We've got a sale on Zazzle this week! 30% off with the code #GONEINZFLASH
More items will be added as the shop grows in popularity! Tell your family and friends!
Perfect for any dark literature lover!
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