Delectables with Dan: Triple Chocolate and Strawberry Cake 🍰🍰🍰
Valentine's Day.
The biggest farce known to man.
This year, I'm offering a delicious way to spend the day.
It might even help you get lucky, and if not, you've got something
sweet to ease the pain.
Dan's Triple Chocolate & Strawberry Cake
First off you're going to want to chop up 175g each of white and dark chocolate. Make sure you have all sized pieces and the chocolate "dust" you'll have left over when doing this, you'll want to save and mix into the chocolate in your bowl. It adds a nice touch when you're topping your cake.You're going to need 13 strawberries, fresh or frozen. I used frozen and let them defrost. Make sure your berries have been washed and stemmed before putting them on the cake!
Normally, I would hand mix this cake, but you need it to be smooth and velvety, so I used a hand mixture. Yes, it is from 1987. I'm a sucker for the 80s and 90s. Before we start on the mixture, you're going to want to pre-heat your oven to 175C or 350F. You'll want to stir the cake mix, eggs and vegetable oil together a bit before you start to mix. Use a plastic scraper to scrape any batter on the side and fold it into the mixture. Repeat twice to make sure everything is evenly blended and smooth.
(Wanna lick my beaters?)
You know what? I've always eaten raw cake batter or raw cookie dough, etc and I've never died.
What's the deal with that warning? Never got sick once. Not even after I spilt some of it onto the
kitchen floor and ate it off it. I think it's some kind of conspiracy, take a little bit of your freedom away and fill you with fear. #bakingpropoganda
Grease your cake pans before you pour in the batter, making sure that it is evenly divided between the two pans. (Think of it like a pair of tits; You don't want one a lot bigger than the other do you? No. The same is true of the cakes.) The cakes take 20 minutes to bake, so half way through you're going to want to pull them out of the oven to sprinkle the tops of the cakes with your dark and white chocolate bit mix. DO NOT STIR THEM. THEY WILL SINK TO THE BOTTOM AND CAUSE A CLUSTER FUCK WHEN YOU TRY AND TAKE THEM OUT. Once you've done this, put the cakes back into the oven to finish baking for another 10 minutes.
Make sure that cakes have a nice even golden brown colour, that's what you really want for them! Allow them to cool for 40-45 minutes before removing them from their baking prisons. Set the first cake on a plate WITH THE CHOCOLATE SIDE UP. It does no good if the chocolate is on the fuckin' bottom. (Kinda like using a condom after you've knocked the girl up.) Spread a THIN layer of milk chocolate icing on top of the chocolate pieces. Make sure it evenly coats the top.
You'll repeat this step of removing the other cake but put it so the CHOCOLATE SIDE DOWN onto the milk chocolate icing. It makes a lovely sandwich. And if you've baked it evenly and correctly, it will match up perfectly.
Behold the beauty that is symmetry. (I could have made a twin joke, but after that last joke about knocking someone up, it felt like it would be too, I dunno, expected? BUT! Here's hoping your child or childrens turn out symmetrical.)
Evenly ice the top and sides of your cake with the milk chocolate icing. Take your time, just like you should. Make love to this cake, don't fuck it. It's got to be perfect because you're trying to impress your partner! Remember those strawberries from earlier? Well, they're about to come into play now. Make sure they're thawed before putting them on the cake if you went that route. Evenly place them around the top of the cake, round the edges. Take the remaining three you have and place them together in the centre of the cake. Top cake with remaining chocolate bits and chocolate "dust" to create a nice colour contrast. You can then serve it with vanilla icecream if you desire, but I think that can be a bit much. It's really up to you. Now take this and prepare for the wilds of V-Day. Next week I'll have one more treat for the holiday! Keep an eye out. Until next time~
🍰LINKS 🍰
BOOKS:
http://www.blurb.co.uk/user/xxwil26xx
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=anja+absinthe
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=anja+absinthe
You can also get three of my works on the Kindle store by searching "Anja Absinthe" or any of the book titles available! 1. Little By Little 2. Dopamine 3. The Suicide of a Wallflower
SICKBOY MERCH:
https://www.zazzle.com/sickboymerch
https://www.zazzle.com/sickboymerch
We've got a sale on Zazzle this week! 30% off with the code #GONEINZFLASH
More items will be added as the shop grows in popularity! Tell your family and friends!
Perfect for any dark literature lover!
Perfect for any dark literature lover!
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