Drama Lama: Life Changes

I get one life and this is it. 

And despite my best efforts, 

all I want to do is curl up and cry. 

I've waited to long for the clouds to break 

and the crashing waves of the sea to cleanse me.

Memories of the past cloud my conscience and drive

me off the cliffs of sanity. 

I fall into my bed each night and wonder why I even

made the attempt to get out of it. 
And I still wonder why I'm exhausted.
I struggle so hard to promote my work and it feels like I'm 
constantly fighting the tide. Do any of you guys ever feel this way?
Its not enough to do the writing anymore...it all feels pointless if
no one is interested.
I want to delve into my escapism and breath until doesn't hurt 
anymore. 

But thats not all that's going on...

And there's just something I have to say: 

"Quite frankly, I don't give a fuck what you like or don't like. You brought this on yourself by not even returning a fraction of all that I feel for you. For being cruel, manipulative and taking advantage of my love and dedication. You turned me into a public joke, rather than give me honesty, which is really all I wanted from you. Love and honesty. You've broken my heart for the last time. I will always love you and you will forever stain my past, present, future-my conscious and unconscious until I fall away into the depths of time...but you've lost ME. I'm truly sorry that it came to this." I remained calm and completely composed through this. I'm actually amazed that I didn't explode and scream it. Looking back on these promises, I now see that I was young, inexperienced and a hopeless dreamer. I believed in fairy tales and stories of all consuming romances. Moving forward, I'll hold onto whats happened and mould it into something beautiful and amazing. 

Lately I've been thinking about someone else...Someone who is pure sunshine and has a beauty about him that echoes through the holes in my soul. 

And last night I dreamed of that awkward boy with the blue eyes...

I'm really at a loss as to why I suddenly like someone else after 12 years

and how to handle all that I'm feeling for this new person and all that I STILL 

feel for the old one.