DAN TRIES INCREDIBLES: Mile High Mint
I'm back at it and dropping dollas down on THC faster than I drop down on Puffin's thicc thighs. Today's review is on a product I've been aching to get my hands on, Incredibles' Mile High Mint. I'm all about that chocolate mint shit. It's almost always a win-win for me. They should do a chocolate orange one. You guys remember those? They come out at Chrimbo time and you smack them with a little hammer and when the chocolate ball bursts open it reveals it's true nature? It's orange! A bloody chocolate orange!! Oh fuck yeah, I'd buy that for Christmas. It would beat the original one for sure. Amazing taste and I won't have to remember any of the painful interactions with my hideous relatives? You could make a fortune off that idea. Oh, shit. You heard it here first! My idea! If it turns up somewhere on the goddamn internet for sale, one of you let me know cause it's MY idea. Mine! Daniel Francis B-Yeah mine! And what do you know? It's the first of December. Officially Christmas time.
I think about the snow. I love it. I think about that blizzard. It felt like I was the only person in the entire world. Everything was so quiet, so clam. Everything was different shades of white and grey. The cold hung in my lungs and snowflakes kissed my eyelashes as I looked up into the sky. I stick my tongue out and taste the atmosphere. The huge fir tree that towers over my house is the lone figure that stands out to me. Everything else seems to have vanished in the frost and snow. I start to feel like I'm trapped in a line of endless sight; that this will be the end of me. I almost can't breathe. I want to reach out through the snow. I'm so cold that I'm starting to feel warm. My mittens are coated in ace. My cheeks are brilliant red. I want to go inside. In the distance, I see a light. It has to be the light from my house. I move toward the light, wanting nothing more than to feel it's warmth. I run toward the light, the snow licking my cheeks and then it fades to black.
No Rain by Blind Melon starts to play in the background and it's like I'm filled with clouds. The playful, mischievous guitar and the aloof, yet deeply relatable vocals of Shannon are the perfect compliments. Music is one of the greatest escapes. Shannon gives way to another talented heroin addict, Bradley of Sublime. The cheerful strumming of their popular hit "What I Got" takes me back to the mindset where nothing mattered and nothing hurt. I'm sucked back into the summer of 1997. I can't believe that I've grown up. I can't believe all that I've gone through. Then the damn breaks. The tears pour out of me, soaking my shirt. The happiness of the '90s gives way to the cold of the '00s and I feel completely lost. Where is my grounding force? Did I ever have one? I've always felt hopeless and groundless, always searching for something to anchor me to the ground. I've always been searching for something to make me feel real. I wish I could breathe but I'm filling up with mucous.
I need something upbeat, louder with undertones of suicidal depression...Infinity on High. Oh, how perfect for this moment. I start singing along to the (After) Party of Life. It's like it's 2007 again. I'm youthful and filled with ambition. (Now I am filled with less youth, less ambition and far more coffee and resentment.) I let the music wrap around me, twirling around the room with my earbuds in. Everything matters a lot less. I don't feel so trapped, so unwanted.
I look out the window and see the snow flurries starting to fall again. I can't believe this. Snow on the first two days of December. Maybe it will snow throughout the month. Part of me wishes for it, part of me wishes for the snow to fuck off. This seems to be the only month when snow is actually acceptable. People look forward to it. Then after New Years, it's old and annoying. People just want it to go away, Kinda like me and Bernie Sanders. Want him to just go away.
I start to think back about the thoughts about the snowstorm and panic floods me. What if I get stuck outside in a snowstorm like that? What if I already did and all of this is just a chemical collision of everything in my brain because my body is shutting down due to the cold. I scream for my sister who informs me that I'm a moron, I'm not outside and that I'm tucked into bed. I don't remember getting into the bed, but alright. She tells me she likes me high like this, rather than drunk because when I'm high I'm not puling all over the place. (I did a whole blog on my top five drunken moments 2 years ago I think? You can just search it in the archives if you wanna read it.) I love the warmth and the softness of the sheets. I never want to leave this bed. I could stay here forever...no. A voice inside my head tells me I can't my muscles will atrophy and I won't be able to climb Matchu Picchu like I've always dreamed. Surprise! I do have healthy goals! What would you know? Despite my aversion for people and love for the city, I actually really do like the outdoors. I've said this for the last few years but I want to go camping.
I notice the snow and I start mumbling to my sister that I really want to bake some gingerbread men this Christmas. I do it every year. One year I baked treats for my mates all over the world and set them little boxes. Cost me a bloody fortune. Did I ever get a thank you? Nope. I didn't do it the following year. The following year, I was in Kassel, Germany. OH MY GOD. The German Christmas Markets! I love them so much. Berlin, Kassel, Magdeburg, Frankfurt, Leipzig and Kohl. Those are the only cities who's Christmas markets I've visited. I think about the dreamy Christmas carousel in the Leipzig Hauptbahnhof and my soul blossoms. It was so carefree and magical. I had a massive slice of pizza there. A sense of sadness washes over me. I miss Germany. I want to go back and see my mates there. It's been too long. I lay back and sift through the memories of the snow, the lights, hot chocolate, children's eyes filled with wonder at the little toys and mentions of Father Christmas, but perhaps the absolute best part...Lebkuchenherzen Weihnachten. That's like a Christmas gingerbread heart. Maybe I'll make some of those bad boys! Embrace the German Christmas I miss. I ache for a loving, sweet Christmas, not the empty, cold one I get every year. I used to really love the holidays as a child and I want that back. I want that same warm, magical feeling. I try to bring it every year, but depression gets the better of me and I sit alone in a room crying. I know I've changed. I don't know if it's good or bad. I've been so many different versions of myself over the past decade, I don't even know how I could grow and change so much. Fundamental parts of me, of my personality, haven't changed. I've kinda grown into my own. A whole decade is coming to an end. I've lived through another decade. The tern of a century. O>O I am like Jack the Ripper. I scream and scare my sister who promptly informs me that I'm just a stoned moron.
Remembrances of Harry Potter come to me. I think of the films. How I loved to watch them around this time of the year. I remember how my nan got me one of the Harry dolls when they were released for the first film. I loved the doll so much. I still have the motherfucker! He's safe in a box where he can't be wrecked anymore by assholes. I stitched him and he's okay. I remember the pale sliver of a moon that hung in the icy sky of Christmas Eve. We'd just gotten out of midnight mass. I was sleepy and clutching the Harry doll, watching my breath disappear into the stars.
I don't know why all of this floods back to me, but I like it. I can lay back and watch parts of my life on rewind as if I were watching a film. The memories play out behind closed eyelids, familiar tastes coat the back of my tongue and stimulating sensations caress my flesh. Romantic torment, voyeurism, unblushing fetishism and the memory of being unable to breathe. Part of me I've long since wanted to ignore bubble to the surface and upon reaching the cool light of day, begin to bubble. I don't want to sink any further down into the bed of memories.
I have to say this was one of my favourite chocolates to try yet! I think I'll have to go back and get another one of these at least. I'm going to do a blog comparing the two mint chocolate bars I've tried over the last two months. Links to purchase will, of course, be included at the end of the blog. I don't remember if I linked the Incredibles link or the dispensary blog in the latest blog...Well, I got them both at the same place, so I will include the links at the bottom here! The high was nice, no paranoia, smooth and warm euphoria. I felt complete total body relaxation. 10 miles out of 10. Not just for the amazing taste but for the high as well.
No Rain by Blind Melon starts to play in the background and it's like I'm filled with clouds. The playful, mischievous guitar and the aloof, yet deeply relatable vocals of Shannon are the perfect compliments. Music is one of the greatest escapes. Shannon gives way to another talented heroin addict, Bradley of Sublime. The cheerful strumming of their popular hit "What I Got" takes me back to the mindset where nothing mattered and nothing hurt. I'm sucked back into the summer of 1997. I can't believe that I've grown up. I can't believe all that I've gone through. Then the damn breaks. The tears pour out of me, soaking my shirt. The happiness of the '90s gives way to the cold of the '00s and I feel completely lost. Where is my grounding force? Did I ever have one? I've always felt hopeless and groundless, always searching for something to anchor me to the ground. I've always been searching for something to make me feel real. I wish I could breathe but I'm filling up with mucous.
I need something upbeat, louder with undertones of suicidal depression...Infinity on High. Oh, how perfect for this moment. I start singing along to the (After) Party of Life. It's like it's 2007 again. I'm youthful and filled with ambition. (Now I am filled with less youth, less ambition and far more coffee and resentment.) I let the music wrap around me, twirling around the room with my earbuds in. Everything matters a lot less. I don't feel so trapped, so unwanted. I look out the window and see the snow flurries starting to fall again. I can't believe this. Snow on the first two days of December. Maybe it will snow throughout the month. Part of me wishes for it, part of me wishes for the snow to fuck off. This seems to be the only month when snow is actually acceptable. People look forward to it. Then after New Years, it's old and annoying. People just want it to go away, Kinda like me and Bernie Sanders. Want him to just go away.
I start to think back about the thoughts about the snowstorm and panic floods me. What if I get stuck outside in a snowstorm like that? What if I already did and all of this is just a chemical collision of everything in my brain because my body is shutting down due to the cold. I scream for my sister who informs me that I'm a moron, I'm not outside and that I'm tucked into bed. I don't remember getting into the bed, but alright. She tells me she likes me high like this, rather than drunk because when I'm high I'm not puling all over the place. (I did a whole blog on my top five drunken moments 2 years ago I think? You can just search it in the archives if you wanna read it.) I love the warmth and the softness of the sheets. I never want to leave this bed. I could stay here forever...no. A voice inside my head tells me I can't my muscles will atrophy and I won't be able to climb Matchu Picchu like I've always dreamed. Surprise! I do have healthy goals! What would you know? Despite my aversion for people and love for the city, I actually really do like the outdoors. I've said this for the last few years but I want to go camping.
Remembrances of Harry Potter come to me. I think of the films. How I loved to watch them around this time of the year. I remember how my nan got me one of the Harry dolls when they were released for the first film. I loved the doll so much. I still have the motherfucker! He's safe in a box where he can't be wrecked anymore by assholes. I stitched him and he's okay. I remember the pale sliver of a moon that hung in the icy sky of Christmas Eve. We'd just gotten out of midnight mass. I was sleepy and clutching the Harry doll, watching my breath disappear into the stars.
I don't know why all of this floods back to me, but I like it. I can lay back and watch parts of my life on rewind as if I were watching a film. The memories play out behind closed eyelids, familiar tastes coat the back of my tongue and stimulating sensations caress my flesh. Romantic torment, voyeurism, unblushing fetishism and the memory of being unable to breathe. Part of me I've long since wanted to ignore bubble to the surface and upon reaching the cool light of day, begin to bubble. I don't want to sink any further down into the bed of memories.
I have to say this was one of my favourite chocolates to try yet! I think I'll have to go back and get another one of these at least. I'm going to do a blog comparing the two mint chocolate bars I've tried over the last two months. Links to purchase will, of course, be included at the end of the blog. I don't remember if I linked the Incredibles link or the dispensary blog in the latest blog...Well, I got them both at the same place, so I will include the links at the bottom here! The high was nice, no paranoia, smooth and warm euphoria. I felt complete total body relaxation. 10 miles out of 10. Not just for the amazing taste but for the high as well.
Next year, I'm hopefully going to be able to schedule a nice trip to The Mecca of Marijuana, Denver, CO. I've been before, but this time I really want to go and explore the dispensaries, rate the products. ...And not get a creep in the Airbnb. You remember that story guys? Fuckin' a. That was a trip and a half alone. Oh my God, it's almost 5 years ago exactly now. Just a few more days. This time last year I was headed to Chicago first to see the Kill Hannah final shows before heading off to Colorado to visit a long-time friend. I can't believe this is time. New reviews on 3 more products coming soon! They might spill over into the New Year because I have so many things to get through. I honestly do not know if I will do a Christmas Delectables with Dan. I know I won't be doing a two week or even a week special like I've done in year's past, but I might do a Christmas tree cake or something like that, Stay woke.
LINKS
Incredibles: https://iloveincredibles.com/products/incredibles/infused-chocolate/
Mass Alternative Care (Dispensary): https://www.massaltcare.com/
LINKS
Incredibles: https://iloveincredibles.com/products/incredibles/infused-chocolate/
Mass Alternative Care (Dispensary): https://www.massaltcare.com/
Comments
Post a Comment