What's Your Diagnonsense?

So whilst in therapy yesterday, my therapist decided to talk to me about my diagnosis. We’ve been working together a little over two months and she told me she felt concrete (based on what we’ve spoken on, done interviews on and what she’s observed in our sessions and in the daily journals I’ve been asked to do) on telling me what she things is going on in my head. „Borderline Personality Disorder.“ I smirk at her. „Whats that?“ „Its not the first time I’ve heard that one. In fact, I’ve been diagnosed with it by five different psychiatrists.“ „Oh.“ She sounds a little defeated. „But do go on! I’m not here to steal your thunder. I’m not Zeus after all…though I guess he could kinda fit the diagnosis of BPD though.“ She ignores my comment and continues like nothings happened. „Bipolar I, Generalised anxiety disorder and PTSD.“ 

My ears perked up at "PTSD", so I asked her about it. "Why the hell do you have this in mix?" "Because its kinda like the cornerstone of Borderline Personality Disorder." Um...no. They're different and I brought that up to her and her response? "Because you have certain traumas in your past." What the fuck kind of answer is that? So I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Look here woman, I'm more concerned about the National Debt than some broad who tried to diddle me like three years ago. I'm not bothered by it. I know I did nothing wrong and that statistically there is a good chance this might happen again...so why let it rule the roost?" This was met by complete silence. 

But, rather than answering the question when she did start speaking, she completely changes the topic. "Have you heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?" If I could have slammed my fucking head into the wall, I would have. "Of course. I told you when I first met you, three months back that I was aware of my diagnosis and told you about it in great detail in an almost 2 hour session...also, I told you that I had my precious shrink notes and the ones that needed to be translated, I've done." "Oh...well what do you think of all that I've said?" "I'm not in the least bit surprised, except that PTSD thing. Get rid of that. Whats happened to me may be tramatic to some, but I'm not a pussy, so, yeah. If I feel the need for help or a close mate points it out to me that something is becoming a problem, then I'll bring it up with you." "I'm going to leave it just in case." "To cover your arse. I see." 

Now, we didn't talk much on anything else. It kinda felt like I new more about my diagnosis than the woman that I'm basically placing my freedom and well being in...Kinda concerned over that. On another psych related note, I have to wait 6 months to get meds...which was never told to me in the first place when I started. Its been a month since I asked for a med consultation and that was more or less ignored and here we are now. Bit fed up with this shit really. And her advice? "Go to your GP and get some prescribed." Ah, well most of the ones in my area don't do this, because I've fucking tried this before and ended up being committed and all that...but that's a tale for a different day. I explained that to her and she's like, "Maybe you can ask her cause she's your new one." "I can't see her until Febby 2017...how's that for a kick in the crotch? How fucked up is that?" So...long story short, I went for help, got jerked around and I still am getting jerked around. I don't put much stock in mindfulness because if its a chemical problem (the bipolar and partly the BPD and anxiety) how can I use thoughts to control it? Its never helped in the past, but maybe these new tricks will help?

How many of you do DBT therapy and CBT? Cause my treatment plan is a mix of the two. And where would we be without discussing the goals? My first few meetings with Melfi were a talk about what my goals for therapy are. Now, these have to be marginally achieveable goals, not something like "Oh, I think that I'll be a real estate moguel if I'm no longer suicidal." And my goals?
1. To use my anger in a productive way; to not let it be a destructive force in my life, leading to confrontations with loved ones. Use my anger in a creative manner; write a new poem, short story or sketch.

2.To regain control of my suicidal depression; to try and not let others have so much influence over my emotions. I've used my depression as a paintbrush for my work, but I want to be able to regulate it so its not all I feel. I don't want events to hold so much power over me.

3. To manage my anxiety, to use it as its intended; to keep me safe from harm and danger and not let it impact my travels, work and personal goals-such as long term relationships, work contacts and the physical health aspect of increased worry.

Do you guys have any goals? If so, leave a comment down below or whatever you want. Peace.