...Um endlich bei dir zu sein

Sometimes it feels like I'm paralysed by the memory of you. I cling to the memory of your fingertips tracing patterns on my skin. Despite all the turmoil, I feel myself contoniously drawn to you. I cycle through intense periods of love, lust and hatred when I think of you. And I know you feel the same about me. Looking out at the ice that decorates the ground, I think about those chilled days I spent snuggled under the duvet with you. Nothing was warmer than your skin against mine as you held me close. Your scent chased away the feelings of worthlessness and awakened a new sense of self that was dwelling deep within me. Sometimes when I think back through the memories of me and you, a Gatbsy romance comes to mind. Classic desires, overcome by obsession and an overconsumption of substance. I love the way you allowed me to dominate you, excercissing my will over you in new and exciting ways. We defined new limits and explored avenues of pleasure. Shadows of flames dances across our skin as I sank my teeth into you. Mouthful after mouthful of soft flesh, it's the highest compliment that you allow me to put my mark on you. Pain becomes pleasure and vanillia pleasures become a sort of empty, longing pain. We're caught up in a debaucry of desires; exploring out most depraved desires behind closed doors. You let me tempt the darkness that dwells within you. You welcomed the oppertunity to allow me to corrupt you, mould you into the perfect monster for you. I might feel the slightest tingle of guilt if you weren't so eager to learn; so thirsty to explore. My crulety can be examined, unabased to conventional rules and societies prying eyes. Behind closed doors and curtained windows, I was able to wet my appitite for the destruction of my partner. I don't know where these twisted and morbid desires steam from. I have many thoughts and theories on the subject, from the chemical to the enviornmental, even bordering on spiritual. Leaving my mark on you, knowing that there is a piece of me forever embedded in your flesh is a turn on for me. What we have is beyond love, lust and everything in between. There was nothing more exhillerating that exploring your body in the glow of candlelight; experiencing and understanding your pleasure. The vulnerability experienced in these tender moments will be something that I will always hold with me. Toss and turning, I love the way you ride me. You took your anger out on me and I on you. We turned tempation into temper, creating a toxic substance that we became too depending on. It was together we shared emotional traumas and life altering experiences. Truthfully, laying with you allowed me to know what it feels to be a whole person; united body, mind and soul. I was in control of my body like never before. I feel myself missing the memory of your hands around my throat. It was such a freeing experience to give over total control; Something I'd always been afraid to do, trusting so wholly and completly allowed me to explore a joyful pleasure that I'd always denied myself. I'd rebell against you, forcing you to tighten your grip. I need to feel the sting of your nails digging into my throat. I loved the feeling of your weight on me. Fighting back tears of lonliness, I gave myself over to you. You are the frigid force of mercy that I bathe in. I'm hooked on the exploration of mortality with you. Testing the waters of fate, your hand in mine. The physical aside, you probed me, forced me to become something new. Spontaneous combustion brings new beginings and this was no exception. Somewhere between you filling your mouth with me and the friction of the cords binding me I experienced what it means to tuly be alive. You filled me with electricy. I love the way blush would crawl across your skin at the mere thought of me touching you. I loved that role reversal, the exchange of control. The things I do to you can only be compared to original sin, the apple of temptation before my very eyes. The sinner becomes the sacrament, transcending human experience. The idea of sober interactions with you is something of a forgein concept. I don't know if I would be able to handle the intensity without something to blur my peripheral view. I need to feel you again under the Swedish moonlight. I need to feel your life force moving in and out of me. I need to take all these comparmentalised feelings of self-disgust out on you. You are the only one who allows me permission to feel this darker side of me. To explore it alone would only be a disservice. Your shallow breaths, slight shudders of pain from both of us escaping into the frigid night. To Be Featured in: Paper Hearts Release Date: North America: TBD UK: TBD Europe & Russia: TBD Asia: TBH South America: TBD New Zealand & Australia: TBD New information and updates will be posted here and social medias as other previews, surprise meet ups and the preposed release date. We're hoping for a December 2022 release for Paper Hearts! The book will include a preview of one other project, behind the scenes and some captivating sketches. Prints may be available. More information on that will also be released with social media as ideas becoming more and more developed. If things go well with COVID and my time off that I'm alloted with my work, I hope to do a few meet ups this year! Already in the works for March (Maine & Massachusetts) August(Massachusetts). UPDATES COMING SOON!