RING ME MISTRESS
It seems that my life is one train wreck after another, but yesterday, there was a bright spot in the evening that I'd like to share with you guys.
Normally, I'm not one for the telephone, but my mate Jess and I have taken to talking on the phone to fill in the blanks while she studied for exams or while I filled out applications or blogged. It's become something of a confidence booster for me. I've always struggled with the phone and being able to do it with her is filling me with positive reinforcement. It's a simple task, yes, but it's one that has memories of humiliation and shame attached to it. I'm breaking through the barriers of self-consciousness by talking with her for a few hours every day. It's been a positive little social experiment. However, yesterday it was anything but positive.
Normally, I'm not one for the telephone, but my mate Jess and I have taken to talking on the phone to fill in the blanks while she studied for exams or while I filled out applications or blogged. It's become something of a confidence booster for me. I've always struggled with the phone and being able to do it with her is filling me with positive reinforcement. It's a simple task, yes, but it's one that has memories of humiliation and shame attached to it. I'm breaking through the barriers of self-consciousness by talking with her for a few hours every day. It's been a positive little social experiment. However, yesterday it was anything but positive.
We were on the phone and I was reading something so I set my phone down and got caught up in reading. Jess fell silent, allowing me to read. I have no idea what she was doing on the other end, knitting, masturbating, reading a magazine. I figured I'd hung up on her or she'd hung up on me she'd been so quiet. I was scrolling through things and there was a quiz on TV knowledge of the 1960s to the 1990s and it promptly caught my attention. I took on the 100 question test, talking out the questions out loud to myself. Throughout the 15-20 minutes, I spend taking the quiz, I had several outbursts of rage, made outrageous remarks on the show and slammed my fist into the desk when I missed a question. She must have muted her end because she said nothing the entire time I was having basically a mental breakdown, filled with all sorts of emotions. Then I exclaimed that I was a 'Telly God' and hooted with glee. She asked me what the hell I was doing and reality came crashing down on me.
I was almost sheepish as I told her that I was just taking an online quiz and that I thought she was gone. She thought it was hilarious listening to me work out the decades of questions, recalling details of the show and the character's lives. My outbursts when I got a question wrong were hilarious as well; it was a profanity-laced rant to end all rants. We hung up and I didn't think anything of it.
I was almost sheepish as I told her that I was just taking an online quiz and that I thought she was gone. She thought it was hilarious listening to me work out the decades of questions, recalling details of the show and the character's lives. My outbursts when I got a question wrong were hilarious as well; it was a profanity-laced rant to end all rants. We hung up and I didn't think anything of it.
Sometime in the next half hour or so, she rung me back on the Facebook messenger app and I hit the accept button. The screen when dark and the phone fell silent. I assumed that she rang me on accident and hung up when she realised. No harm, no foul, I'm sure I've done that before. What I didn't realise is that she was still there and listening to all the things I was getting up to. Now, I talk to myself. I like to. It helps me to put things into focus sometimes; the thoughts become solid. I kinda see thoughts as a type of liquid.
I assumed that I had shut the phone off and then I heard talking. It scared the hell out of me. I thought I'd started to hallucinate. I wasn't seeing things just hearing a voice. I freaked out and screamed that there was a voice inside my brain. I kicked the desk and almost claimed that I was possessed. It didn't register that it was her-maybe on some level it did and I just wanted to see how far it went. I couldn't wrap my head around what was going on. I needed to explore this further, so I decided to just talk to the voice. She said that it was "It's me, Jessica" after a while but I wasn't buying it. I screamed that there was a voice talking to me, I didn't know where it was or that the house was haunted. I'm not someone who really believes in ghosts, but it was a better prospect than hallucinating. I had to stop and think if I'd taken anything that would make me hear voices or think that I was hearing voices. I didn't.
I sat and talked to the voice for a while. I wasn't on Facebook so I didn't notice that Jess had messaged me on Facebook telling me that I wasn't hallucinating or talking to a ghost. Maybe if I had looked, I'd not made an asshole of myself for so long. All in all, it was rather good. It opened up a new level of dialogue between us and she got to experience a new level of my paranoia. It allowed me to think about a new set of things and opened up new avanues for entertainment. It's also taught me to check my goddamn phone so she doesn't overhear me doing something I shouldn't be doing.
I assumed that I had shut the phone off and then I heard talking. It scared the hell out of me. I thought I'd started to hallucinate. I wasn't seeing things just hearing a voice. I freaked out and screamed that there was a voice inside my brain. I kicked the desk and almost claimed that I was possessed. It didn't register that it was her-maybe on some level it did and I just wanted to see how far it went. I couldn't wrap my head around what was going on. I needed to explore this further, so I decided to just talk to the voice. She said that it was "It's me, Jessica" after a while but I wasn't buying it. I screamed that there was a voice talking to me, I didn't know where it was or that the house was haunted. I'm not someone who really believes in ghosts, but it was a better prospect than hallucinating. I had to stop and think if I'd taken anything that would make me hear voices or think that I was hearing voices. I didn't.
I sat and talked to the voice for a while. I wasn't on Facebook so I didn't notice that Jess had messaged me on Facebook telling me that I wasn't hallucinating or talking to a ghost. Maybe if I had looked, I'd not made an asshole of myself for so long. All in all, it was rather good. It opened up a new level of dialogue between us and she got to experience a new level of my paranoia. It allowed me to think about a new set of things and opened up new avanues for entertainment. It's also taught me to check my goddamn phone so she doesn't overhear me doing something I shouldn't be doing.
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