Jaws (Return to Childhood)
I've shared some interesting gems from childhood and this one will be no exception.
My sisters had so many Barbie dolls it looked like the toy factory exploded in our house. I had the Power Rangers plush dolls. God, I miss those goddamn things. Anyway, my two sisters had Barbies and what did I do with them? Did I play with them? No. I ate them. I was the Jeffrey Dahmer of Malibu. Not a single Barbie foot was free from my hungry teeth. I chewed all of their feet, then all of their shoes. Every single shoe I chewed into oblivion. Once I chewed their feet and footwear, I moved on to chewing their hands, then their legs and then their arms. Eventually, I moved on to shaving their hair off and chewing on the heads. I wasn't a little kid when I was doing this. I was 8-10. I never stopped chewing on them. My sisters had little baby dolls as well that I chewed on.
After I destroyed the Barbies I moved on to bigger things. Those goddamn Cabbage Patch Dolls were my drug of choice. I chewed on their chubby little feet, ankles and wrists. The doll's heads were a little harder to chew on but I managed to get a few nibbles onto them once I cut the heads off their bodies. I remember Pookie went fucking apeshit as did Barb because those dolls were expensive and there I was playing Henrey the VIII with them. I must have eaten three or four of them before they noticed. I also liked to tattoo them with marker pens. I'd draw all over them and make them all my own. I kept them all in a little box under my bed.
I still chew on things. I have several chew toys and have mouth guard because I tend to chew things in my sleep. There's just comfort in chewing. I love chewing on things. I have a chewy bear, its one of those dog toys shaped like a gummi bear that I chew on. I had a bone for a whole, but my doggo stole it from me. It was quite the fight over the bone. I'll get a new one when I get back to work and hide that in the drawer because he can't open drawers.
Sometimes I still have the urge to chew the dolls. When I go to the shops and see them in their little plastic prisons, their plastic tootsies calling out to me, "Chew me Dental Daddy." It almost is unbearable. Fuckin' Barbie. And when I saw Barbie, I mean all of them; white, black, plaid, thicc, blonde, brunette. I wanna chew them all. I actually asked a mate of mine for a Barbie to chew on for a new housewarming present. I like how she asked me if I wanted a blonde or a brunette. That's classy. I've never really liked blondes, honestly. I'm all about that dark hair, but a red-headed Drew Barrymore? I'll take that. I'm usually drawn to brown eyes, only once or twice have I liked people with blue eyes, then there was the green-eyed she-devil. Her hair was naturally light brown, not that dark chocolate like I like, but she dyed it black. Ah, preferences.
What about you guys? How many of you chewed Barbies or other dolls? Actually, now that I think about it, I think I may have eaten a Power Ranger doll or two. I had the entire set. Red, blue, green, yellow and pink. God, I miss them. Maybe this sort of explains my obsession with dolls as an adult. I like making them, but these I've never chewed on. Interesting. Happy chewing, folks.
My sisters had so many Barbie dolls it looked like the toy factory exploded in our house. I had the Power Rangers plush dolls. God, I miss those goddamn things. Anyway, my two sisters had Barbies and what did I do with them? Did I play with them? No. I ate them. I was the Jeffrey Dahmer of Malibu. Not a single Barbie foot was free from my hungry teeth. I chewed all of their feet, then all of their shoes. Every single shoe I chewed into oblivion. Once I chewed their feet and footwear, I moved on to chewing their hands, then their legs and then their arms. Eventually, I moved on to shaving their hair off and chewing on the heads. I wasn't a little kid when I was doing this. I was 8-10. I never stopped chewing on them. My sisters had little baby dolls as well that I chewed on.
After I destroyed the Barbies I moved on to bigger things. Those goddamn Cabbage Patch Dolls were my drug of choice. I chewed on their chubby little feet, ankles and wrists. The doll's heads were a little harder to chew on but I managed to get a few nibbles onto them once I cut the heads off their bodies. I remember Pookie went fucking apeshit as did Barb because those dolls were expensive and there I was playing Henrey the VIII with them. I must have eaten three or four of them before they noticed. I also liked to tattoo them with marker pens. I'd draw all over them and make them all my own. I kept them all in a little box under my bed.
I still chew on things. I have several chew toys and have mouth guard because I tend to chew things in my sleep. There's just comfort in chewing. I love chewing on things. I have a chewy bear, its one of those dog toys shaped like a gummi bear that I chew on. I had a bone for a whole, but my doggo stole it from me. It was quite the fight over the bone. I'll get a new one when I get back to work and hide that in the drawer because he can't open drawers.
Sometimes I still have the urge to chew the dolls. When I go to the shops and see them in their little plastic prisons, their plastic tootsies calling out to me, "Chew me Dental Daddy." It almost is unbearable. Fuckin' Barbie. And when I saw Barbie, I mean all of them; white, black, plaid, thicc, blonde, brunette. I wanna chew them all. I actually asked a mate of mine for a Barbie to chew on for a new housewarming present. I like how she asked me if I wanted a blonde or a brunette. That's classy. I've never really liked blondes, honestly. I'm all about that dark hair, but a red-headed Drew Barrymore? I'll take that. I'm usually drawn to brown eyes, only once or twice have I liked people with blue eyes, then there was the green-eyed she-devil. Her hair was naturally light brown, not that dark chocolate like I like, but she dyed it black. Ah, preferences.
What about you guys? How many of you chewed Barbies or other dolls? Actually, now that I think about it, I think I may have eaten a Power Ranger doll or two. I had the entire set. Red, blue, green, yellow and pink. God, I miss them. Maybe this sort of explains my obsession with dolls as an adult. I like making them, but these I've never chewed on. Interesting. Happy chewing, folks.
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