The Worst Birthday Ever

THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER

Firstly, I have to apologise to the fans who wanted to hang out with me 

at several of my Eastern European dates. I wasn’t expecting to have such

a panic attack and end up having to cancel the entire trip. I got as far 

as the airport when I felt the world crumbling around me. I couldn’t breathe.

My stomach was tied up in knots and there was a deep fear that was threatening

to swallow me.  I don’t really know what the fear was or why it gripped me as it did.

I was worried about passing out on the flight, so I didn’t even get on the plane. I didn’t

even think I could make it home, I felt so ill. I checked into an airport hotel and passed

out until the next morning. 

I went home a day later and slowly began getting back to normal. I’ve not felt like

blogging either; mainly out of shame. I know that its a sickness and that I shouldn’t 

feel this way, but I do. Mostly, all I want to do is sleep. It all seems so empty now. So pointless. I mean 

everything. Eating, getting out of bed, working on my manuscript, cleaning my house.

I just want to lay in the bed until I become fused to it. I’ve not done much work on the next book

despite the release date creeping closer. I know I will finish it, I just am having trouble wading

through the waters of depression. By Halloween, I should be right again, back to work and 

adding all new things to the mix and blogging more regularly, as well as posting snippets of the

up-coming release. I’m not sure if I will do pre-orders this time, but if I do, I will announce them

here and on my social media / website. I don’t use the website much to be honest. It’s a bit of a pain

in the ass to maintain, especially when people prefer to get me on Facebook or Twitter. 

A little over a week ago was my 25h birthday. I’d been looking forward to it. A milestone. 

A quarter of a century. I knew I wanted to do something big for it. So I planned the book

tour around it as well as a brilliant birthday party in Budapest to kick off the tour. Instead of

having pizza and Hungarian pastries with mates, I was curled up in a ball, watching rain fall.

I didn’t have any pizza or cake. I had a stale biscuit and a stomach filled with turmoil. In fact,

its without a doubt the worst adult birthday I’ve ever had. Destroyed by anxiety once again. I wish

I could just step out of this miserable existence and into something beautiful. I’m not asking for anything special; just to be rid of these sick and controlling feelings of fear and worry. They creep up at the most inconvenient of times and cause destruction from the inside out. 

More new things will be coming at you as we end the month including some gaming things! I'll be continuing the "My Journey" blog and doing a few book reviews. If you have reading suggestions leave them in the comments below of shoot me a message on one of my pages.

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