Instant Karma: Just Add Milk Preview One

 Instant Karma is going to be re-released next year with all new material; as well as the old favourites that made you fall in love with the book in the first place! I'm excited to share what content I've decided to include, what ones I've re-worked and to see how the older material has withstood against the sands of time. Originally published in 2013, I think it's time for a re-issue of this book. I pulled it from shelves years ago, not really happy with the product. I think I rushed it. I was touring Germany and moving there later on in the year. I had so much going on that I didn't put as much focus into the book. Now I have some time to revisit this as well as work on new projects such as Paper Hearts and Danny's High Flying adventures.

Instant Karma: Just Add Milk Preview One 

I need to cry.
I need to scream.
I need to hurt.
I need to bleed.
I often find myself wondering is everything that I'm feeling is real.
The fear swells up inside me and I find myself at a loss for what I should do.

I feel the world crashing down upon my head,
primordial oozes dripping down my cheeks,
my shoulders buckling from everything that has just been thrust upon me.
I lay in bed.
The room is dark, the blinds are drawn.
I need the room to mirror the way that I feel inside.
I need to see it to try and make sense of it.
Sometimes I feel as if words can never accurately express the way that I feel.

My stomach aches.
My wrist throbs. 
Nothing tastes good anymore.
None of the colours are vibrant anymore.
I feel like all I do is sit here, wasting time, waiting for something to happen.
Nothing feels right.
The overwhelming sadness becomes an untamed rage.
I'm angry at myself for my lack of control.
I'm angry at others for their lack of assistance. 

The voices in my head won't stop laughing at me.
They're enjoying the agony,
Feating on the fear.
The numbers on the clock twist and turn as I stare into the lime green light being projected at me.

>>>

My fantasies take me to a land of pure organic bliss.
I can only hope that someone remembers me as I drift away.
I remember the early days when I used to believe that there was a possibility
that you'd be able to love me.
I thought that because I was older and wiser than it might end differently this time 
around.
I believed in the fairy tale, believing that the worst was behind me and that I had 
good times in place for me just laying ahead. 
The dusty orange of the early morning sky stretches out over me, reminding me that 
I've had yet another sleepless night.

>>>

The hurt and the betrayal used to leave me with nothing to say,
but this time around I'm older and wiser,
swallowing the heartache like it's nothing to me.
Learned behaviours take over rather than instincts when it comes to
pain and emotional turmoil these days.
Sleepless nights infused with anxiety and despair taught me one of
two things, most importantly that love isn't something that you want to trust. 

>>>
I used to laugh and smile because I was happy.
Now I do it to hide away feelings of emptiness and sheer intoxication.
I don't know how much more I can handle, I've been strong for too long.
What I feel on a daily basis is unreal.
I feel as if my only purpose is to be used and abused by the people around me.

>>>
He thought that his dreams would grant him every desire,
yet here he stands alone, even when surrounded by thousands.
The emptiness in his heart echoes through the venue,
falling only on his ears.
Though his smile may be beautiful, it's filled with false bravado.
The sadness pools beneath his surface.
He's careful not to slip and spill his secrets out all over the floor.
Though the masses may adore him,
they only see the fantasy of him that they've constructed him to be.
To them, he is the perfect man,
but inside there's a boy who's broken and abused, 
hiding pain and sorrow behind laughter and the latest fashion trends. 

>>>
The bile is crawling up my throat.
My stomach is twisted in knots.
My thoughts are fuzzy.
Sometimes it feels as if the tension in my chest is the only thing I'll ever have.
Sometimes it bends.
Sometimes it bleeds.
in the beginning we are all seeds;
set out into the world to grow, develop and become.